What would you do?

[alijangra]

My bf is best man for his friend along with another of their friends as the groom could not decide between them!Apparently close friends and family only, so as his partner Im not invited to the ceremony, just the dance in the evening. I was ok with this as they said the other best man's partner wasnt getting to the ceremony either. It now turns out she has been invited to the whole thing. So heres me wondering why Im not? I said to my partner I now dont want to go to the evening dance as I feel uncomfortable with the situation. Am I being petty?

[atolhurst]

I'd be exactly the same.

I think you have a right to know why you haven't been invited. If they do have a problem with you, then I wouldn't want to go to the evening ceremony either.

[missjef]

i dont think you are either, i think anyone would want to know why they havent been invited.
i agree with atolhurst, i wouldnt want to go to the evening part either, i think it would end up being uncomfortable.
is there anyway that you could find out why without asking the couple who are getting married?
does your bf know why?

[WendyS]

Well, the bridal couple are not so hard up that they can't invite one extra person to the wedding ceremony & reception if they can afford to fund a dance in the evening so on the face of it, it doesn't seem that managing the budget is the prime issue. Is the other man's partner a "live-in" partner and you arn't perhaps and that is the difference? Whatever the reason, unless you've offended the bridal couple in some way, it seems a bit unthoughtful to invite one partner and not the other. My first reaction would have been to book myself another evening engagement that night but if your relationship with your boyfriend is a serious one, that could well rupture his friendship with the groom. But that's up to him to manage and deal with.

[PinkFizz]

I'd have the right hump! How can they ask your guy to be best man but not invite his girlfriend - that outrageous! I mean,they don't charge for you to attend the church do they??

[~Wingnut~]

Blimey, agree with everyone else here, I would be well miffed!!
I doubt I would go to the evening do, but then I guess it depends how often you see the couple and if it would make it more awkward when you did go out, but then if you do that already I can't see why you haven't been invited!
I'd wanna know what I had done to not warrant an invite as my boyfriend's partner and guest and this other woman has.
I was wondering if what Wendy says could have anything to do with it? How long have you been with your Boyf? I know it shouldn't matter but maybe if it is a newish relationship and as they do only want close family and friends, that they feel you don't comply with that? Totally wrong as you are your boyfriends girlfriend no matter what the occasion but just wondering if that could be a factor?
If you've been with boyfriend years, then do the same to them if you ever decide to get married and only invite the best man!!! hee hee evil I know ;o) lol

[caz21]

Is the other best man's girlfriend a close friend of the bride/groom seperate to her boyfriends relationship with them though? that might explain it! although if your boyfriend is a best man he really should have you there as well!

It may cause problems with you and your boyfriend if you dont go to the evening do though? but in that situation i wouldnt be going! Its a shame your boyfriend is in this position as well in my opinion!

Pray for rain on that day says me!! ;o) xx

[noxlumos]

What they are doing is the height of rudeness and if I were you I'd decline the evening invite and state why.I'm not the subtlest person when other people are rude so that's probably going to unleash a whole heap of trouble but it does at least give them the opportunity to explain why to you if there is some fantastically good reason we've all missed. If you just say "sorry I can't make it" and they are being rude, they've got away with it, and if they aren't they'll be mortified and contact you to explain themselves. As for your boyfriend, if my wife/ girlfriend wasn't invited to the ceremony I wouldn't be being best man.Can you not ask him why this is happening, maybe he can find out more subtley?

[Gevs1966]

Personally I disagree with the above and think you are taking a very selfish view of the situation. It is their wedding day, they can invite who they like to be a part of it.

There could be loads of reasons why this other girl is invited. Who knows, maybe she got offended over nothing, got petty about it, kicked up a fuss putting the bride and groom in an uncomfartable position forcing them to invite her when they didn't really want to.

Just go to the evening do as a supportive girlfriend and friend, have a good time and get on with life.

[OBonio]

I'm with Gevs on this one. Stop being paranoid and go out and enjoy yourself. If they didn't want you there, they wouldn't have invited you at all!

[rhona_j]

I have to admit it does sound odd to invite one partner but not the other, but then there could be a reason and unless you ask the Bride or Groom outright, you're not going to know the reason.

But I don't agree with the comment about it not being because of money because they are having an evening do, just because they are having a party, doesn't mean they aren't watching money! I mean one extra person at dinner could mean an extra of anything up to or over �50 on the day cost.
When my Husband and I got married, we had just the immediate family at the meal, and then a huge party in the evening for everyone, precisely becuase we were watching our money.

Be the bigger person, don't say anymore, go along to the evening do and just enjoy yourself.

[beejaybee]

I agree with the last 3 comments. I`d go in the evening, congratulate the couple, & have a great time.

[PinkFizz]

Just out of interest,how long have you and your b/f been together?? And what does he say about all this?

[dot.hawkes]

ask your BF to pay for your meal at the afternoon do, if money is the issue

[joko]

if you think this is deliberate snub then don't go to either do, but if you think they are just trying to save some cash on meals etc and she is invited as she is close to them then just go to the evening do.

do you really think this is a deliberate attempt to be cruel to you?

[angel-cake]

No you are not being petty.

Last year, my boyfriend was invited to his mates wedding - I was not invited as they said they were on a tight budget and could only have limited numbers. I found this extremely rude and really they should only have invited people they could do a plus one with.

I think my boyfriend should not have gone but he did anyway (we are not together anymore hehe!!)

[joko]

angelcake - you are suggesting that the couple, on THEIR big day, should ONLY invite people that are part of a couple!!!??

just to please you?

why?

and are you suggesting that other people, who are single friends, should be ousted in favour of the partners of friends?

if i was struggling with cash and trying to give a good party and still have a good wedding, i would only be concerned with MY FRIENDS, not with their partners that i barely know!!!

weddings are expensive enough without having to pay for a fancy meal for virtual strangers

cuts simply have to be made somewhere, i'm afraid

[angel-cake]

glad i wont be invited to your wedding then JOKO!!!!

chill out love!

[angel-cake]

JOKO - think you misread what i said anyway, i meant if they couldnt invite the second half of a couple, they shouldnt invite the first half....did not mention anything about single people at all.........

[joko]

i know what you meant. you meant if you can't go, then no-one can.
as majority of adult have partners i don't thinks its fair for people not to be invited to their friends wedding just because they have a partner who wants to come too and they can't afford it!

if i wasn't invited to a friends wedding because i had a partner that they couldn't afford to invite both of us, i'd be very upset - and equally if my partner was in the same position, i would happily not go it it meant he got to celebrate the wedding of HIS friend!

they should have friends to the service and meal and partners to the after do.

obviously its not ideal, and it would be lovely if everyone could go, but if there is no more money, there is no more money

and no you are not invited to my wedding...but your husband is! ;o)

[angel-cake]

OH MY GOD!!!!

Why do people get some a***y on here!!

If the budget is that tight that you can't invite someones partner/husband/wife etc, then perhaps you should run off the gretna green and have a nice cheap wedding!!!