men and pornography

[liquidspace]

Am I wrong for not wanting my bf to view pornography? Its got so bad that I cant go to bed without him in case he does so behind my back and I worry when I am at work and he has a day off at home. p.s. I do not withhold sex from him in fact, he doesnt want it as much as me - yet he seems to prefer his right hand. He knows how strongly I feel about it but still does it.

[lady_p_gold]

I think you need to change your attitude or you are going to have a lifetime of anxiety, there is hardly a man on earth that doesn't look at pornography in some shape or form and lots of women enjoy it too. It does not affect how your bf thinks of you .. and to be honest if you demand he desists then he will probably go underground. It is always difficult when something your partner does upsets you .. but personally I would rather know my partner's true sexuality than force him into a secret life which so many men have. I think Newtron has the right idea, watch it together and incorporate his true sexuality into your relationship.

[asteroid99]

I don't think he necessarily has to stop with the porn - just needs to give you a little more attention rather than lying on his back and lifting his arm!
If he gave you more/satisfied you then I'm sure the porn would be less of a problem for you?

[Pippa68]

I agree with asteroid. It seems the only problem you have with it is the fact that you aren't getting the proper attention..it sounds like he would rather have a 'quick fix' then make any effort.

I don't have a problem with pornography, however if it were to interfere with my sex life I would be just as peed off as you. It's good that you have tried watching it together ~ generally this should make for some hot action ;o) however yet again he has preferred to take care of his own needs instead. He sounds a bit lazy to me!

[lady_p_gold]

By the way I think I would take issue with the fact that men and women see it differently .. I think a lot of women do see it differently but there are lots who enjoy it and the growth in the industry for female 'porn' is phenomenal, maybe some have just been trained to think of it as unwholesome ... I think attitudes are changing and as women become more and more comfortable with themselves and expressing their sexuality then maybe they will feel more able to enjoy it ... if they are so inclined.

[Pippa68]

Cont:

Next time, watch a DVD together & when things get heated, leap on him. Better still, communicate with him..ask him to touch you, or ask him if he wants to be touched. lack of communication in a relationship can result in sexual problems. He needs a wake up call!

[mycats]

I really dont understand why some women have a problem with their men looking pornography! It is totally seperate from his relationship with you, he was doing it before he met you and will br doing after (if) you split up. It's not about YOU, it's for him

[ELVIS68]

The only way you`ll stop him choking his chicken is to chop his hands off,or chop his chicken off,
you`ll both end up losing out then,
or you could always take the skybox,dvd and video player to bed with you just to be on the safe side

[liquidspace]

In answer, its not something he does every day (as far as I know) and also its pretty tame stuff. The issue is how I feel about it I think, I clearly have a screw up. As far watching a DVD together yeah but he is still getting off on watching another naked woman's body rather than getting off from me alone. I think he has made me insecure and it doesnt help that he doesnt show me enough interest. Id like to jump on him when I come home from work but I always get rebuked, maybe because of his DIY!
Thanks for your replies ;o)

[teag1rl]

Mycats I dont think liquidspace has a problem with the fact he watches porn, the problem seems to be his sheer laziness as has been revealed through further discussion.

[newtron]

I think whether or not you change your attitude is your judgement call. In any relationship, there are things that you may not like about your partner but choose to accept. Which things you accept and don't accept are up to you, based on how much they impact your ability to maintain a healthy relationship. How important is this aspect of your relationship? Can you be happy if he continues behaving in this way? These are questions you'll have to address. Good luck.

[teag1rl]

oops-I started writing that before posts above it!

[Pippa68]

mycats ~ as you can see from reading liquidspaces replies, it isn't the fact that she has a problem with pornography that's the problem..it's the fact that it is totally interfering with the sex life they shouold be sharing together.

He is turning her down...preferring porn to real nookie. She doesn't have the problem, he does! no doubt liquidspace now has a problem with porn because of her b/fs attitude towards her. That is perfectly normal.

[liquidspace]

seriously,..I HAVE taken away the remote control when Ive gone to bed at night - how bad does that sound, how controlling, guess that has men thinking OMG a psycho! I did it out of tired desperation, wanting to go to bed but not wanting to feel like he's thinking "ha ha, little does she know what Im doing when she's asleep". Its not as if I dont offer him sex, I would have thought he would have preferred to do it with me than with his hand, but there you go......

[Pippa68]

Sorry teag1rl ~ great minds think alike :o)

[ELVIS68]

I see your point,but there are some hot women on babestation ;o)

[Mr Tall]

Make your own porn with a camcorder then he is not looking at other women.

[Pippa68]

Oh no..don't do that. Professionals use airbrushing and all that malarkey. Take it from me, without flattering camera angles & make up artists it really isn't worth the horror ;o)

[newtron]

I don't know Pippa68, amateur porn is quite popular these days (so I've heard).

[Pippa68]

Oh reeeeeeeally?

[liquidspace]

Yeah thanks pippa and teagirl and you too newtron, some good advice here.
I think Ill forget the home made video thanks (Im 40 now and my body sure aint what it used to be) Think that would put him off for life ! lol