Cyanide or similar chemical/drugs etc.

[MURKY]

Does anyone know where I can get hold of cyanide? Or does anyone know of any other methods, drug or medicine or herbal methods of suicide which are painless and quick? Thanks.

[raysparx1]

Glad you tuned up wardy,

[raysparx1]

Are you listening MURKY?, How are your Friends and Family going to feel? have you thought about them and there feelings ? Talk to someone !!!

[MURKY]

I'm sorry.

[whiskeysheri]

Don't be sorry, MURKY. Please tell us what problems you're having? We can at least try and help? x

[raysparx1]

What does that mean? you are going to talk or what?

[raysparx1]

MURKY, we are good at listening nobody is here to Criticise you

[MURKY]

I'm sorry, my selfishness is disgusting I know.

[raysparx1]

SO why not talk then ? and stop being selfish, I take it you have parents ? and they LOVE you ? How will this affect them ? have you thought of that ?

[whiskeysheri]

We want to help you, MURKY. Can you tell us what the problem is? As ray says, we're good listeners x

[kipchik]

For someone as intelligent to come on here,and sound so wise of whats going on in the world,ending your life is gonna give this world and your family another statistic instead of someone that could do so much,you're right,the world and some people are so shallow,but there are others,like this tribe on here that do actually care for people they dont know,why not give them a chance murky?

[raysparx1]

MURKY, We ain't going away, so come on talk to us,if you want to talk one to one that can be arranged,just let us know.

[whiskeysheri]

MURKY, would you like to email me? I can't promise I can help, but I'm a good listener x

[jenstar]

Well, since nobody's really answering the question, might I have a go? Mushrooms. There are books which tell you which kinds of wild mushrooms are edible, which kinds will make you ill, and which kinds will kill you. You could get a book from your local library, and you wouldn't even have to worry about overdue fines.

[MURKY]

Thankyou jenstar, I appreciate your input.

Basically, the passions I have in my life e.g music were failing or I had been failing them (this was in November) and the text book formality without illustration - that comes with education, had slowly started to eat away at me, like communism for the mind. Together with this, as I have said...the world is made of mainly 'cattle' marching blindly, living by routine and from instinct only, the ones that only paint with one colour - grey. So sadness came to me, incurable despair. Then, I met my loved one, yes a soulmate. Do not get me wrong, I am not the average teenager swapping boyfriends every few weeks or simply having one just for the point of it. No, mine came from a different country and he was different, older, many called him psychotic, but he was not. 6 months down the line...he has destroyed me or maybe I just destroyed us...he has ruined my mind and self, as I said; he is not normal. He has killed my judgement and emotional pain mixed with criticism and betrayal. Oh, he also made me what I call ''unclean'' not even by agreement but it's irrelevant I suppose. I am quite happy to die, I possibly could get better yes, the fact is I don't want to. In your life you watch people break, when they break they never fully repair..I have broken now. Thank you for your words though, you are blessed people.

[larkin]

Hey Murky, I am fairly new to AB and this isn't the sort of thing I expected to come across. I am so sorry at your young age that you feel like this. I would guess by reading the thread that everyone (bar a couple) value your input to the site and seriously want to help you. Talk to them Murky - those that are offering help are genuine.

[Suzyboo]

jenstar, how will you feel if he does? murky, I know that things seem really bleak at the moment and there doesn't seem to be any point in struggling on but if you can just hang on in there for a while longer things will change and opportunities will arise that you will be glad you stuck around for. I know it's hard to talk about stuff but that's the beauty of the site - you can confide in us and talk it over without worrying that we can pass on what you've said. There's nothing to be lost by sharing your problems with us and (most of us) we will try to understand. Some may have even experienced similar things so may have good advice to share

[raysparx1]

Come on now MURKY, you have started to talk now carry on talking,we aren't here to judge you or put you down (NO pun intended) so maybe we can help, i'm not a very wise bloke,but I have lived quite a long time, so lets talk eh ?

[MURKY]

There is nothing more to say really...

[raysparx1]

There is plenty more to say, you haven't talked to any of us yet,now come on start, listen to what ward minter says it will not be nice, so come on give us a go .