What would you do if...

[JOEYGREEN]

It was my birthday yesterday and my partner couldn't be bothered to get up and get the cards and a cup of tea (like we normally do). So I did it myself, then he got up and went to football. I asked him if he was coming straight back after seeing as its my bday. He said yes so I went food shopping and came back. I noticed that the footballers had already left the field so I rang his mob & he didn't answer. I rang again a bit later and he was in the pub with the lads. He finally got back and I asked him if he wanted to help me cook the dinner. He said yes but then sat on his backside until I'd done it all. I made a massive sunday roast and then he couldn't eat it because he'd had lasagne at the pub!!! (they provide food after matches). He then went up to bed for the rest of the night (it was only about 4.30pm!). How bl**dy selfish is that. I was so hurt by his actions. It was one day that was for me and he couldn't be *rsed. He's tried to be nice to me this morning but I've just ignored him because I'm so cross about it. We go away at the end of this week and I normally sort his stuff out and iron his shirts etc. Do you think I should let him do it himself or just do it and forget about it to save arguments?

[k@tie]

that sounds so rotten! trouble is if you leave him to do his own stuff he probably wont bother and then you end up on holiday with a scruffy partner! there must be a way to make sure he knows you are miffed..he needs to make it up to you big time x

[Lore]

That's awful :o(

Ok, going to football is important to him and I wouldn't have expected him to stay home and miss it, even the couple of drinks with the lads after the game would've been ok too, but I think he could have given you 10 minutes of his time before he left for the game and then left the pub at a reasonable time to spend some time with you afterwards.

Sounds like he knows which side his bread's buttered!
I think you need to make it clear to him how much he's hurt you over this otherwise he will assume it's acceptable behaviour and continue to treat you in this way.

I wouldn't be petty and not get his things prepared for the holiday as this makes you as bad as him but please tell him how you feel.
we're only treated how we allow ourselves to be treated.

[jno]

how many arguments do you want to save? Not just this one, but all the ones in the future? If you insist on being a doormat, don't be amazed if people walk all over you.

[mnko]

organise a girly night out and stop in a hotel and make him for it. hit him where it hurts his wallet.

[noxlumos]

That's an awful way to be treated and you should not have to put up with it. My wife, whose a very tolerant woman, would have crucified me if I'd dare behave like that. Tell him quietly and calmly that he's not who you thought he was, don't shout or get emotional and then leave it at that and see what happens next. With luck he'll have a good think about what he's done and will try to make amends, if not then this is such a glaring example of how not to behave that maybe you need to question if he's quite as great as you thought he was.Jno is right about the doormat thing too, so make sure he knows it's not acceptable.

[crete]

suggest you go away leave him to the pub and his football

[nat_84]

Oh my gosh - if my boyfriend treated me like that on his birthday i'd go mental.....

Your partner should treat you like a queeen on ur birthday or at least do all he can to help.

When his birthday arrives i advise you not to bother with any special plans for him.

As mnko suggests, if i were u i'd arrange a big girly night out and let ur hair down! U sound like a housewife being dominated by her husband.

Unfortunately i think k@tie is also right in saying that he probably wont get his holiday stuff ready if u dont do it for him, so maybe for the last time sort his stuff out. But when u return be stronger and let him do his own stuff.

Maybe u two should go on a "break" so he can realise what he's got and how much you do for him.

Good luck and dont put up with any $hit! x

[nat_84]

If my boyfriend treated me like that on MY birthday** (sorry)

[pmorley]

What happened on his birthday, did you make a big fuss of him, if so maybe he needs reminding.

[Catso]

BTW You don't say how long you have been together.

But even so, that's awful. Inconsiderate b*****d!

You should tell him just how you feel. Never mind being quiet and calm! Tell what for, so he knows how upset you are.

No, I wouldn't do his clothes. Tell you're not going to and why. If he has all this 'free' time why should you use yours to chase around after him.

And do you really want to spend a whole week alone with such a selfish git?

You can't carry on living the rest of your life like this. Have you considered guidance/counselling? Would he go?

[JOEYGREEN]

Honestly, I am not usually a doormat! He tries these things now and again and I normally put him in his place but I really didn't think he'd be like that on my birthday and was that shocked with his behaviour that I didn't say anything. We've been together seven years by the way.

It was his birthday a fortnight ago and I organised a night out at the local cantonese restaurant that weekend with our families. He was at work on his actual bday but when he got back I made him dinner and washed the pots as its normally his job. We then went round to see his parents and then he went out that night to the casino with his mates. So he had a pretty decent bday really!

[nat_84]

awww JOEYGREEN u sound too nice for him....

All i reckon is he needs to be brought back down to reality - so u might have to leave him for a couple of days or something - just so that he can realise what he has on you.

[mnko]

i dont think u have 2 go as far as leave him for a few days but u gotta make him realise how much he has upset you. i'm talking from a mans prospective. HE WAS OUTTA ORDER, my wife would have me dead and buried by now if i behaved like that on her birthday. i have her birthday tattooed in my mind.

[JOEYGREEN]

Yeah I know. I will tell him tonight just how much he upset me yesterday. I will then sort his clothes out for our holiday but tell him he can iron them and pack them. At the end of the day if he looks a mess that's his problem. It certainly won't embarrass me.

Oh, and for his next birthday, I'll book myself into a spa for the day! Bl**dy idiot. I think I'm getting over the shock of what he did and just getting angry now. I wonder what he will say to me tonight. Probably "I'm so sorry......will you help me do this ironing please".

[Cetti]

You sound lovely caring, considerate and kind ......and he doesn't!!

Do yourself a favour and trade him in for a different model. You must be realistic, after all if he's like this after only seven years try and imagine what he will be like further down the line, say twenty years. I think you already know the answer or else why did you post here for confirmation? So be kind to yourself, you deserve someone a whole lot better.

[jno]

I don't think this is necessarily a relationship-breaker, but there's a lot of scope for re-education. Seven years is a long time for him to have learned to behave like an 18-year-old. Perhaps he is simply taking you for granted. Perhaps he suspects you won't want to argue about it, as you suggested. A quiet life is a fine thing; but some arguments just need to be had, and this is one of them. You've had a lot of good advice on here, and the gist of it all is: he's behaved badly, he has a lot of apologising and learning to do. How strongly or angrily you react is up to you, but you do have to ask yourself: do I want this to be still happening in another seven years? If not, tell him so. You can't change his behaviour, only he can do that; so you'll just have to see what he does and consider what response you would find acceptable.

(Incidentally... astonishing as it may seem, some males do even give up the football and a day with their mates, in honour of their girlfriends' birthday. So it sort of shows where you line up on his list of priorities.)

[JOEYGREEN]

Thanks all for your comments. I suppose I can't really say what I will do/say tonight until I see how he behaves tonight.

I've just devoured half a packet of biscuits to make me feel better but it didn't work and now I'm worrying about fitting into my bikini! lol. I might have to borrow some of his clothes now - so he can iron a load for me too! lol.

Thanks again all.

[mandimoo]

the sensible thing would be to talk it through when you are not so stung by his actions - easier said than done. my EX boyfriend decided he was going out on a 2 day (without coming home) bender on the day my dad went in for a serious operation. i was unable to get over his thoughlessness and he couldnt see what hed done wrong. anyway, i sacked him!
perhaps you could show your fella this email thread ?

[wonder years]

well happy birthday for yesterday dont worry i allways say what goes around comes and you wont have to do anything or say anything and just by chance somthing will happen to him and you can laugh your head off on the quite and think thats just what you deserve