Trying to get on track

[steve208]

Ok well I am a bit more sorted in my head with some things, so i want to get on with some things now. But I am worried.

I am trying to do some job applications and worry that there is no point in me coming up with great words in the application if they think I dont have the experience. I am obviously not selecting adverts that ask for more experience than i have but i feel they will see my relevant experience is from a good six months ago.

I have the skills but not the confidence to believe enough to say it at the moment and yes I know its strange but in a way i am afraid i could succeed and get an interview.

[Amara]

Hi Steve - Thanks for the update - And never apologise for being a pain, because you absolutely are not. I too had a father like yours,, followed by a husband who was the same. Throughout my adult life I have never been brave enough to stand up for myself particularly at work and have been bullied, almost to the point of a breakdown and as a result had to leave a job that I loved. About 5 years ago I started to really work on myself, to try and clear the c**p and to learn to love myself and to be the person I wanted to be. I now lead a spiritual life and try to use what I have learned to help others. This is my path and the work that I know I came here to do. Everyone I meet who is on the path to Spiritual Enlightenment ALL feel the same, all felt they didn't really belong here, that the energy here "weighs them down", that they don't quite fit in with the "norm" and all bar none have had one or both very difficult parents to contend with. I have to say that all of them are beautiful,, sensitive, special, amazing beings who have so much to offer this planet when it is ready to listen. They have all been damaged by life, but are all now going out and helping others in different ways. I just want you to know that you are not unique, you are not alone and you have an important role to play at this time. You are doing really well and you need to continue to do the work on yourself. You have a lot to offer this world Steve. If you could find a spiritual development group in your area, I guarantee you would never feel alone or different again, and it would propel you forward at an amazing rate. don't worry about the Agency, just ask for inner guidance, pick up the phone and tell them that this is simply not for you. You will feel amazing afterwards. Remember that the only thing to fear is fear itself, sit quietly with your feelings, acknowledge them and let them go out into the universe. I am sending you much love and light. Amara xx

[steve208]

Thank you for posting back not sure if you would check the question again, i know that if the questions go off the first page people dont tend to look at them.

Well i would certianly say well done to you for getting yourself going and moving on, you seem to have found the space in the world that is yours.

Yes indeed i do sometimes find that i am misunderstood or lost in a painful world, but i blame myself, if i am to cocoon (dotn think i have spelt that right!) myself in self imposed shelter then i will never get anywhere.

Hum about the agencey....tis really bugging me i dont want to be rude, though i dont imagine i would be but i would come off the phone thinking i was. its more a matter that i feel i would be letting them down. I could lie and say i have found a job which they would prob take better. i should prob just say i have an interview with civil service and going to do some charity work in meantime. the later just sounds dull i suppose or like i am chickening out of them getting me something. i dunno i just fret so much.

I would say im not really the faith type never been to church much, and really dont believe in god. i am curious about any higher power though. hope this does not offend you.

Im so silly i cant make phone calls that i am nervous about when at home if anyone else is in the house...which is most of the time.
Well i had better get on. My room is now tidy! just going to hover...feel bit better now compared to the beginning of the week which is good. Prob due to the fact i have been swimming a lot, done a job application and tidied up.

[angeldraws]

Hey Steve - sounds like you're doin real good.....

I hope this dont offend amara, as its not meant to - you ARE in fact, unique - as there is and only ever will be, one of you, but that's a good thing, n i'm hoping she just meant 'you're not unique in this situation......'

Also, regarding the agency - if you look at it like this - the agency exists to make money out of getting you a job (from the employer) - it is more about sales than anything, so you are definitely NOT doing them an injustice, in fact they will be happier if you DO let them know, so they're not wasting time (not that i'm suggesting you are) tryin to find you a job, so bless you, dont fret so.......give yourself a pat on the back for the positive things you've done/are doing...

[Amara]

Hi again - I don't go to church either, never have done really - but I do have faith in a higher power. Most of the people I know are the same. Spirituality and religion are two separate things. I do not want you to think that I am patronising you or saying I am totally sorted - neither is true. I have problems and issues like everyone else, but I have learned to deal with them in a different way, this makes life so much easier. I have the support of wonderful, caring, supportive people - none of whom are bible bashing lunatics. By living in this way enables you to leave the fear behind and move into the light. I understand why you are nervous about calling the agency, I was the same, always worried about upsetting people, people thinking badly of me or being in trouble, I totally understand where you are coming from. Now I find that I am able to speak my truth and be assertive, but in a loving way. I would never knowingly hurt or offend anyone, if I do unintentionally then that is an issue that they have to deal with. I can assure you that the agency will not care what you do, they are a money making business at the end of the day and will not harbour any ill feeling with you for being honest. Steve I believe you have the potential to be something really amazing in this life - you are very special and lots of people could benefit from your experiences. Love and light - Amara xx

[Amara]

Angeldraws - yes that is exactly what I meant - unique in this situation - thank you for the clarification - great name by the way x

[steve208]

ok wow just done it!

heart beating very fast but hey. Didnt get through to the person i wanted but the woman who i spoke to took the details and said she would update the system and thanks for letting them know. i just said had a civil service interview and if didnt get it was going to do charity work to get experience.

[Amara]

Well done you - You should feel really proud of yourself - You are doing so well. x

[steve208]

sori not to respond in detail at first.

Hum well the next week should be interesting. one thing though, i do feel very constrained by living at home, but i am trying to get out more by swimming. When i have got over having my interview on sept 1st whatever the result i will try to get out more and join a club etc. I mean this week was swimming, getting really into it, not sure if i am overdoing it with 60 lengths a day though!

Next week will hopefully be charity work then something else and so on each thing started and kept doing well should get me one step onwards.