Ratter, you deserve all the love in the world. Glad you've finally found it! I know what it is like to be both mentally and physically abused and it often starts very gradually, with one person manipulating the other into situations he or she is not entirely comfortable with. One partner putting the other down in front of the children, or making a mockery of them in front of the children can be considered mental abuse. Belittling your partner, raising your voice in a threatening way, being 'in your face' ... this is where respect dies and mental abuse starts. I think the first mistake I made, as a young woman, was not making myself heard the first time it happened. I should have said ... "listen, I don't like you doing that, so kindly don't!" Perhaps it would have prevented what then developed. But victims often work their way into believing it is solely their fault, especially when the abuser tells them it is. Once fear has set in in a relationship, things can only go from bad to worse!