how do i help

[mccfluff]

ok i have three neices's this concerns two of them. my eldest neice is a mum and doing really well, the middle was being an *******, (those who frequent parenting will know the back ground tiggeralix) my neice has taken her in over the summer, given her god knows how many chances, she has thrown this back in her face,she has now got to the end of her tether and thrown her out, which is harsh but the only thing she can do, her daughter's safety and her life comes first, my q is how do i stop her feeling guilty for this, i keep telling her she's done the right thing, my dad (their grandad) is also saying the same thing, but she is beating herslef up about it and its really upsetting

[crete]

evening mccfluff how old is your niece ?

[mccfluff]

she's 16

[crete]

oh dear only a young girl i think you continue to be supportive and hope it works out in the end .sometimes it does.

[China Doll]

Hiya fluffy bunny... You can't make anyone feel anything babes, just reassure her lots and give her hugs etc... she'[ll come round eventually.

If I had to throw out one of my sisters... even in the most hidious circunstances.... I'd be devastated and feel guilty for ages... even if I knew I did the right thing...

Carry on what you're doing.

[mccfluff]

thats the prob China we all live in diff places i can;t go and give her support, i feel helpless right now, i'm worried cos tigger is feeling crap right now cos she's had to be hard and throw her sister out and i'm worried for the other neice who is well i don't know where, tigger thinks she is staying with a friend so ok for tonight but what then?

[China Doll]

Have you got a number for the younger one?

Then you'll just have to give phone reassurance for now babes... cab you get up there at the weekend?

[mccfluff]

tried it is going dead, she won't talk to me anyway, i'm 'the enemy'

[rugeleyboy]

hi mccfluff! i dont know what your neice has done to be thrown out but a night of uncertanty (sp) is a very good wake up call for a lot of peolpe!! ok she may be stopping at her mates tonight, but she will be upset as well!!! and hopefully it will be a wake up call for her!!

my thoughts are with you and your family and i hope for the best solution with this problem!

[tiggeralix]

hi - thought i would kinda help explain the situation so more can understand it.
the reason i had to kick my sister out was because she was displaying violence and aggresion out on me and my house - all this was in front of my 2yr old daughter. I know i probably come across as a heartless moo but i can not have the violence around me and my daughter. she has been given numerous chances by all members of our family. she is very petty with her behaviour - if she doesnt get her own way she kicks off and becomes violent. yesterday i had to get the police out because she had punched my head in. i was at my last tether and honestly feared for out safety.

[China Doll]

Hey Tigger,

I don't think anyone thinks you did the wrong thing, you have to be strong for your daughter and for yourself. No one should be scared in their own home.

Like I said, if it were me and I had to chuck out my sister, no one could console me, I'd feel awful even if I knew I'd done the right thing. So even tho you'll most not likely feel any better.... carry on as you were, you've yourself and your daughter to look after and keep your chin up. Thoughts are with you xx

[mccfluff]

ok Tiggs, i've text her lets see if she calls?

[mccfluff]

ok she's talking to me yahhhhhh

[Pippa68]

You did the right thing, tiggeralix. Putting yourself & your daughter first is the best thing you can do..and the correct thing to do as a parent.

mccfluff ~ you are a diamond :o)

[mccfluff]

Pippa i'm doing the best i can. its hard when your miles away and can't get there to help, in fact its killing me i want to be there for my neices (both of them) and i can't get there all i can do is be on the phone and here on the net

[jno]

quite right tiggeralix, as a Mum your duty is to your own family rather than your parents' family - your daughter comes before your sister. Teenagers are traditionally stroppy, but violence around the home is a bit unusual; could there be any sort of medical explanation? (Perhaps drugs but not necessarily.)

[mccfluff]

yep jno, this is what i keep telling her, and she know's it but it doesn't stop her from feeling guilty