Worried she's cheating

[Harry31]

Hi

I think my wife maybe cheating on me.
I was looking on her mobile (bad i know)
I found some recent, flirty texts from an old flame of hers
They have spoken also as one of the texts from him said "It was so great to hear your voice again!"

This guy is gonna be in town soon and according to the texts they are arranging to meet up for dinner

She has said nothing to me

I dont know what has lead to this as we have (I think?!) a great life

What the hell do I do? Confront her and try nip it in the bud or bide my time

Its making me feel sick just thinking about it

Thanx

[crete]

harry, best to discuss it with your partner but be prepared for her to be angry re you checking her mobile, there may be nothing sisister going on but unless you deal with the issue you will just get more annoyed. good luck

[spanner7853]

Hi Harry. Poor you. obviously you feel sick and I dont blame you.
1. you could confront her but then you will have to confess about reading her texts and that will get her back up
2. when she does mention going out for dinner with friends you could invite yourself along.

Does she often leave her phone in view? you could say she got a text message so you picked it up. I really dont know for the best. Do you know the date of the meal? you could book a suprise table for a meal the same night.

Good luck any way sorry about the ramblings, I dont know how I would be in that situation so lots of hugs.

[ChuffingHell]

meeting old flame for dinner and not mentioning it is just as bad as reading her phone.

I think you've got to sit down with her and ask her why she's planning on meeting him and why she didn't tell you about it. Nothing may have actually happened between the two of them but it may be that she's thinking about it, which is just as bad. And even if they are meeting as just friends, then I think you should have been told about it.

Of course she is going to ask why you looked at her phone and on that you've got to be honest with yourself and her. if it's because she was acting suspiciously then you have to tell her that. if it's because you just wanted some reassurance, then tell her that too.

Either way you've got to address it because it'll eat you up inside. But be prepared for the potential fall out (although,as I said before, I think she's as in the wrong by meeting him as you are in reading her phone).

[cascarelli]

Tricky one. There's no harm in flirting - people do it on here every day, they do it at work, they do it when they go out in the evenings. Also, there's no actual harm in your wife seeing an old friend.

Do you trust her? As you're making yourself sick thinking about it I guess the answer is no.

I dont think there's any harm in saying youve seen a text on her mobile and asking about it. Its not as if its top secret and hidden away is it? You'll probably find its quite innocent and nothing to worry about.

[claireyfairy]

Out of curiosity, why were you reading the phone in the first place? Did you already have your suspicions?

[jno]

so why were you reading her texts? Were you already suspicious of her? Was there a reason to be? If she thought you were distrusting her, might this be why she hasn't told you about what might be a perfectly innocent meeting?

I'm not accusing you of anything, but these may be issues that come out if you try to talk about it (which I think you should) and you should perhaps try to understand your own behaviour as well as hers. Distrust breeds distrust.

[jno]

sorry, overlapped with claireyfairy there

[admarlow]

change his number on her phone and find a way to redirect his texts.

[suffragette]

As you have gone so far as to read her texts and got yourself in a tizzy, I would suggest you confront her, in as calm a manner as possible and resolve the situation one way or another.

You will have to take flak for invading her privacy and showing a lack of trust, but if your lack of trust is proven well founded then you are both equally abusing acceptible boundaries within a relationship.

I would not suggest letting this go at this point because your suspicions will fester and you will make yourself ill with stress and worry. Talk to her!!

[Harry31]

I understand your sentiments Re Reading her phone, but let me clarify the situation.

I asked her if I could get a number a friend had texted to her. It was in the inbox that I saw this guys name. Thats when I read the texts.

This guy was her childhood sweetheart and she was in contact with him just before we got married but she was open about it then. It wasnt an issue as I do trust her.

All I can think now is that she still has feelings for this guy!!

Am I being over jealous?

[crete]

harry i think you are jumping the gun and feeling a bit insecure, talk to her .

[spanner7853]

well if there is a genuine reasong for you looking on her phone I would definately confront her. Say that when you got the number off her phone the other day you saw a text from a man etc etc. She must have known you'd see them if you were looking on there.

[jno]

spanner's right, except for the word 'confront'. Don't make this a war. Just ask... say you saw it, it's been worrying you, is there anything you should know. Don't insist on your rights or demand an answer, just explain that it's upsetting you. If she loves you, she'll be happy to ally your suspicions. If she can't, then worry.

[45703]

Harry, just say to your wife �when I got wotsits number from your mobile, I noticed a text from (old flame) I was just wondering how is he, is he married yet? Your wife will think what a decent chap you are, you could even suggest a bit of matchmaking!

[Harry31]

Thanks for all your advice

I feel a bit better but still not sure of what to do!?!?!

Will keep you posted

[luckyeight]

Personally I think you have no business reading your partner's phone. Why don't you trust her? She certainly won't trust you when you tell her you've read her phone. This is what happens when you read things that are not meant for you. You are imagining things and don't know what to do. What can you do anyway? Accuse her of planning to cheat on you? She needs to make her own decisions - 'flirty' texts and dinner don't necessarily mean anything. I think your actions are much worse than hers, sorry. You are kinda getting what you deserve IMO.

[noxlumos]

Harry mate, Your wife let you look in her inbox where this bloke's texts were, she's hiding NOTHING from you, so why are you worrying. Maybe she's just not mentioned it YET? Perhaps she intends to.My wife's ex's have been to stay with us on occasions because if people are sensible, rational and secure in their erlationships there's no reason why they shouldn't. ention it to her matter of factly and take it from there, everything will be fine I'm sure.

[Champagne]

First of all Harry, I think you need to step back and consider just how flirty these texts actuallly are. She may be back in touch with her childhood sweetheart and it may be nothing more than friends, but she hasn't quite addressed the subject with you. Just knowing that it was her ex may have made you interpret the texts as more flirty than they actually are. For example, I quite often put 'kisses' on the end of my texts to friends; male and female alike.

You do need to speak to your wife about it though. If you don't it will play on your mind and eat away at you. Inevitably you'll end up snooping even more than you already have!

Confront her on the subject, but only in a calm and open-minded manner. Just tell her straight that you saw she was back in touch with him when you used her phone that day, and then ask her outright why she never thought to tell you. Tell her that is has been playing on your mind and you just need reassurance that your relationship together is still good and that she's not looking for flattery from other men.

Good luck.

[admarlow]

I think 45703's idea is the best.

[miffy63]

A while ago I got in touch with an old boyfriend. I was feeling a bit neglected by my boyfriend at the time and, although I never intended to take it anywhere, we started emailing each other. One day he rang me and suggested we meet up but my consience pricked and I said I'd think about it. To cut a long story short I couldn't go through with it, it was nice getting some flirtatious attention from another man but I love my boyfriend and cut off all correspondence with my ex. I think you should let things be, let her work it out for herself. Try spoiling your wife a bit, let her know how much you love and appreciate her. Trust her to do the right thing or you could end up pushing her away.