What do I do?

[TopCat1]

My husband and I havent spoke in 5 days, He is a good man. I am 6 weeks pregnant and very very ill, so he gets up in the night with our daughter and in the mornings to let me have the 10 minute lie in. He does the washing, and tries (unsuccessfully:-) to keep the house tidy and I am extremely grateful for this. But something awful has happened. I've been vomitting constantly and he doesnt seem to have any sympathy or tenderness for me, and on Friday night, he had a lads night out planned (he only goes out every couple of weeks), but I am very very ill, to the point I couldnt get off the sofa, and had been vomitting all day, this made me very upset and I basically broke my heart all afternoon. I told him I could do with him staying in, and he basically, slammed about, grumpy, saying he doesnt see why he should stay in, if I'm gonna go to bed ill. To cut a long story short, he went out and left me, pregnant, upset and ill. I feel totally rejected, abandoned, and feel that he picked his friends and night out over me, I cant even speak to him about it, as I feel at a loss for words, and feel that he couldnt possible love me if he did that? What do you think, am I wrong? Should I cut him some slack? Or am I right in thinking how can I live with someone who can do that to me?

[Pippa68]

I can see both sides.

However, looking from the outside in (which is all I can do ;o) I think that he was right to go out. If you have this illness which the medical profession can do nothing about, then him taking some 'time out' is good for him in order for him to be able to cope ~ after all, by your admission he is doing a lot for you and looking after you the majority of the time.

I do sympathise with you, but believe that him wanting to go out once a fortnight is no real biggie in the great scheme of things. Yes, cut him some slack. Everyone needs a little TLC sometimes ~ he has done it for you, so let him have some too :o)

[sassenach]

I don't think you were unreasonable at all, I would have felt exactly the same way. It may be however that your hormones are making you a bit more vulnerable than you would be normally. I think he has been a bit selfish but everyone is from time to time and obviously he is a good man as he has been doing his best to help. I agree with the person who said he probably feels helpless, and maybe that makes him a bit defensive. You might feel better (emotionally) if you forgive him. It sounds very much like he does love you.

[Octavius]

As a man in a similar situation, I would - in all honesty - have voided the lads night out on this particular occasion. I don't think he has done a bad thing, maybe he had really been looking forward to it and it was his final release at the end of a hard week. Whilst we are there for moral support and assistance, we don�t really understand what is going on and most of the time (for me at least) feel that our pregnant others are constantly nagging us. It�s not easy being the brunt of the abuse, equally I can very well accept it is not easy being pregnant(!) and we can just put it down to hormones. If my wife was particularly ill one night, I would most likely stay in for her regardless of what was planned. Cut the ice and start talking again, life is too short for such things.

[suzi-q]

I would say try to forgive this small lapse. Im sure he is feeling guilty about it and you are just making each other unhappy by not speaking. And you aren't getting the affection and support you need while you are so vulnerable and unwell.

Hope you can make things right because he sounds like a good guy but even they have their off days, as do we all.

Good luck with your pregnancy x