I've been thinking a lot about this since we chatted last night.
I think it is a lot about control. A reaction to a situation which we can't control so we do it in another way.
Like when I was raped, taking control over my body from those who took it away from me and when i had a miscarriage from the grief and confusion which consumed me. From that control comes a certain release. But it reinforces the lack of self worth and control that made you do it in the first place and becomes a destructive pattern when it takes control over you.
I had had the problem long before and it presented itself in numerous way including an eating disorder including a number of spells in hospital and more specific helf harm that but things come up which make you vulnerable and trigger your control mechanisms, because you can't control or get away from your feelings some of us harm ourselves to get some kind of our own control over our feelings and focus on something else, to distract us from the pain and replace it with a different type of pain and to punish ourselves.
It's taken me a long long time to learn to try and manage it and regain the control and i'm not all there yet. I have relapses, I think it will always be with me but i can recognise the signals now and try to put mechanisms in place to cope with them so they aren't so destructive.
It occurs in a lot in people who are perfectionists and set themselves very high standards and are pressured have have such standards put upon them and in people who have been violated in some way such as abuse, rape etc... Perfectionism has a lot of links with control and when things go out of control it is a way of trying to enforce some control in our lives.
Hope this helps :)
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