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Self Harm
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Why do the feelings occur that make you want to hurt yourself? Does anyone know ?
Is it anger or despair or..... What triggers it.
Spoke to a fellow ABer last night about this.
What do you think ?
Is it anger or despair or..... What triggers it.
Spoke to a fellow ABer last night about this.
What do you think ?
Answers
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I have another session on Friday. It just worries me that I might feel twice as bad then.
4 Get - 4given ! Not many people get it right !
It was keeping focused on my family that got me home. I felt completely wierd - and honestly, if I had anything that I could have used, I am sure that I would have done it.
Thank you for your kind words - brought a tear. Doesn't take much at the moment ... and I don't say that disrespectfully!
Fee. Yes, probably . I can't speak to my counsellor now until Friday when I see her as she is part time.
You see, what you said earlier about telling people that you are going to self harm is attention seeking. I really think this is different. Like I said, I have never felt like this . It was just such a strong feeling, it scared me. I don't want to go down that route.
4 Get - 4given ! Not many people get it right !
It was keeping focused on my family that got me home. I felt completely wierd - and honestly, if I had anything that I could have used, I am sure that I would have done it.
Thank you for your kind words - brought a tear. Doesn't take much at the moment ... and I don't say that disrespectfully!
Fee. Yes, probably . I can't speak to my counsellor now until Friday when I see her as she is part time.
You see, what you said earlier about telling people that you are going to self harm is attention seeking. I really think this is different. Like I said, I have never felt like this . It was just such a strong feeling, it scared me. I don't want to go down that route.
I'm sure you don't want to go down that route... it's not advisable!
I don't want you to think i was criticising by agreeing with 4getmenot about the attention seeking behaviour. A confrontational 'well i shall go and cut myself now!' type of approach is different to you exploring your feelings and being afraid things might progress to actually self-harming.
If you would like to chat about this away from here, please take a note of my temp email addy and i will redirect you to my proper one: [email protected]
Please no one else mail me like you did before. It only made things confusing.
Happy to chat on here if you would rather not.
I don't want you to think i was criticising by agreeing with 4getmenot about the attention seeking behaviour. A confrontational 'well i shall go and cut myself now!' type of approach is different to you exploring your feelings and being afraid things might progress to actually self-harming.
If you would like to chat about this away from here, please take a note of my temp email addy and i will redirect you to my proper one: [email protected]
Please no one else mail me like you did before. It only made things confusing.
Happy to chat on here if you would rather not.
I can�t speak for others, but I can try and explain what happened to me.
I had a severe break down last year. Not going into the details try and imagine being physically aware of going mad. I mean all there is, is that constant hurt deep inside, the mess inside your head and it is all spiralling out of control right in front of your eyes. Your thoughts are rushing at the speed of light and you just can�t make sense, pause it, slow it down or switch off. Other times it all goes blank, and then nothing seems to matter and you just fall deeper and deeper into this abyss. I thought myself to be strong to deal with it on my own. In the end I learned the hard way that I wasn�t and there was no shame in asking for help.
People often ask how come suicide victims don�t think about others or don�t care about the consequences. There are no others, there is nothing else but you and your pain when you are in a state like this. You lose your hold on reality and the only way you can numb the emotional pain is by hurting yourself physically. The real pain takes your mind off the emotional one. It makes you think you are in control of yourself because you can separate the 2. It temporarily slows down your fall because it reminds you that what you are going through is in your heart and in your head but it is NOT physical because you are in control of the physical. And it is nice to still be able to have control over something.
....
I had a severe break down last year. Not going into the details try and imagine being physically aware of going mad. I mean all there is, is that constant hurt deep inside, the mess inside your head and it is all spiralling out of control right in front of your eyes. Your thoughts are rushing at the speed of light and you just can�t make sense, pause it, slow it down or switch off. Other times it all goes blank, and then nothing seems to matter and you just fall deeper and deeper into this abyss. I thought myself to be strong to deal with it on my own. In the end I learned the hard way that I wasn�t and there was no shame in asking for help.
People often ask how come suicide victims don�t think about others or don�t care about the consequences. There are no others, there is nothing else but you and your pain when you are in a state like this. You lose your hold on reality and the only way you can numb the emotional pain is by hurting yourself physically. The real pain takes your mind off the emotional one. It makes you think you are in control of yourself because you can separate the 2. It temporarily slows down your fall because it reminds you that what you are going through is in your heart and in your head but it is NOT physical because you are in control of the physical. And it is nice to still be able to have control over something.
....
The scars take time to heal and it is a blessing coz you can still feel them and whilst you feel them all is not lost. And then you think if the physical scars can heal then perhaps there is a chance for the rest of me. Only that doesn�t last. And this is when it becomes a problem.
The hardest thing is to ask for help and to recognise that you are not alone. But what is even harder is to stand by the person and wait for them to make that decision.
The hardest thing is to ask for help and to recognise that you are not alone. But what is even harder is to stand by the person and wait for them to make that decision.
Larkin, I wish I could give you some good advice, but these things are so personal, so I can only tell you what works for me. I found that I needed to physically remove myself from the situation I was in to stop the self harm thoughts. That for me meant getting out of the house come rain or snow and exhausting myself physically. I started exercising. Going out on a bike, walking and now I am happy to say jogging since I am a terrible runner. It paces out my mind as I can just simply count the steps and such, it motivates me, gives direction to my thoughts. It really has been great. Not only that but my sleep improved, my confidence, health everything is just that little bit better and now I am in control of not having control if that makes sense.
I wish you all the best and hope you find your own �healthy� release as soon as possible. Let me know if you fancy a chat. There are plenty of people in here that would love to help, don�t be frightened to ask.
Take care. S.
I wish you all the best and hope you find your own �healthy� release as soon as possible. Let me know if you fancy a chat. There are plenty of people in here that would love to help, don�t be frightened to ask.
Take care. S.
Thank you JustSia, for your honesty and advice. I am grateful beyond belief.
I have three seperate issues that all merge into one but I am having to segregate them piece by piece in order to deal with everything.
I have separated myself from one situation - unfortunately my job - that has been partly causitive in my current spiralling.
You are really kind to share your experience and offer to help.
Thank you .
I have three seperate issues that all merge into one but I am having to segregate them piece by piece in order to deal with everything.
I have separated myself from one situation - unfortunately my job - that has been partly causitive in my current spiralling.
You are really kind to share your experience and offer to help.
Thank you .
Anytime Larkin! Having no idea what sort of problems you are dealing with and what your therapist suggested to you this might sound like a stupid thing to say but...
We are not superhuman, we can only deal with one thing at a time. I know it's easier said than done but don't segregate, don't try and fix everything at once even if it is bit by bit. I hate this word but prioritise. You can either start with the simplest problem and deal with that first or decide on the most important, the one, solution for which, would bring the most effective relief. When you are depressed you need to see the results otherwise it all feels like it's in vain. if you pick at problems at the same time you don't see any result, but by trying to sort one at the time and devoting your whole attention to that task you will be amazed at home empowering that could feel, exhausting but the result will speak for itself. Can't remember the saying, something like, we all know the answers to our problems, it is putting them into practice that we are scared off. Don't be scared remember you are not alone.
We are not superhuman, we can only deal with one thing at a time. I know it's easier said than done but don't segregate, don't try and fix everything at once even if it is bit by bit. I hate this word but prioritise. You can either start with the simplest problem and deal with that first or decide on the most important, the one, solution for which, would bring the most effective relief. When you are depressed you need to see the results otherwise it all feels like it's in vain. if you pick at problems at the same time you don't see any result, but by trying to sort one at the time and devoting your whole attention to that task you will be amazed at home empowering that could feel, exhausting but the result will speak for itself. Can't remember the saying, something like, we all know the answers to our problems, it is putting them into practice that we are scared off. Don't be scared remember you are not alone.
Justsia. Thanks again. The first words that my GP said to me when I disclosed my problem were " you are not alone".
I know that very much more than I did . Segregation is beneficial to me as I have identified that I and my family are the priority . Look after No 1 ? Not other people (to an extent, obviously!)
Yesterday just scared me, like I said and I would love to know why I felt like that. It is SO not me.
I know that very much more than I did . Segregation is beneficial to me as I have identified that I and my family are the priority . Look after No 1 ? Not other people (to an extent, obviously!)
Yesterday just scared me, like I said and I would love to know why I felt like that. It is SO not me.
Absolutely, if you don't look after yourself and yours no one will. You've got your number 1 right:)
The first time I hurt myself I did it to justify the way I was feeling. I have always been very independent and in control. And then having to find that you have lost the control of the most important thing which is your life, your emotions was just such a blow. I thought having some physical manifestation of that pain would justify it would give me some control back. It might feel like it does for a while but it's an illusion. Think of it that way you evaluating your emotions and rather than giving in to them is a form of control also. Stick to that. Ask questions, try and find out why you feel the way you feel because it makes things clearer and helps you keep your mind in check. You'll learn why, and then how and when, after that you will be able to predict those feelings and act before they overwhelm you. You'll get there you're on the right path.
The first time I hurt myself I did it to justify the way I was feeling. I have always been very independent and in control. And then having to find that you have lost the control of the most important thing which is your life, your emotions was just such a blow. I thought having some physical manifestation of that pain would justify it would give me some control back. It might feel like it does for a while but it's an illusion. Think of it that way you evaluating your emotions and rather than giving in to them is a form of control also. Stick to that. Ask questions, try and find out why you feel the way you feel because it makes things clearer and helps you keep your mind in check. You'll learn why, and then how and when, after that you will be able to predict those feelings and act before they overwhelm you. You'll get there you're on the right path.
I've been thinking a lot about this since we chatted last night.
I think it is a lot about control. A reaction to a situation which we can't control so we do it in another way.
Like when I was raped, taking control over my body from those who took it away from me and when i had a miscarriage from the grief and confusion which consumed me. From that control comes a certain release. But it reinforces the lack of self worth and control that made you do it in the first place and becomes a destructive pattern when it takes control over you.
I had had the problem long before and it presented itself in numerous way including an eating disorder including a number of spells in hospital and more specific helf harm that but things come up which make you vulnerable and trigger your control mechanisms, because you can't control or get away from your feelings some of us harm ourselves to get some kind of our own control over our feelings and focus on something else, to distract us from the pain and replace it with a different type of pain and to punish ourselves.
It's taken me a long long time to learn to try and manage it and regain the control and i'm not all there yet. I have relapses, I think it will always be with me but i can recognise the signals now and try to put mechanisms in place to cope with them so they aren't so destructive.
It occurs in a lot in people who are perfectionists and set themselves very high standards and are pressured have have such standards put upon them and in people who have been violated in some way such as abuse, rape etc... Perfectionism has a lot of links with control and when things go out of control it is a way of trying to enforce some control in our lives.
Hope this helps :)
If anyone wants to msn me i'm on [email protected] x
I think it is a lot about control. A reaction to a situation which we can't control so we do it in another way.
Like when I was raped, taking control over my body from those who took it away from me and when i had a miscarriage from the grief and confusion which consumed me. From that control comes a certain release. But it reinforces the lack of self worth and control that made you do it in the first place and becomes a destructive pattern when it takes control over you.
I had had the problem long before and it presented itself in numerous way including an eating disorder including a number of spells in hospital and more specific helf harm that but things come up which make you vulnerable and trigger your control mechanisms, because you can't control or get away from your feelings some of us harm ourselves to get some kind of our own control over our feelings and focus on something else, to distract us from the pain and replace it with a different type of pain and to punish ourselves.
It's taken me a long long time to learn to try and manage it and regain the control and i'm not all there yet. I have relapses, I think it will always be with me but i can recognise the signals now and try to put mechanisms in place to cope with them so they aren't so destructive.
It occurs in a lot in people who are perfectionists and set themselves very high standards and are pressured have have such standards put upon them and in people who have been violated in some way such as abuse, rape etc... Perfectionism has a lot of links with control and when things go out of control it is a way of trying to enforce some control in our lives.
Hope this helps :)
If anyone wants to msn me i'm on [email protected] x
Morning larkin, I hope you are ok today and that we helped if only a little bit. I didnt mean you were attention seeking, I just said its sad but some people do do that to get attention but they may need that attention because they are roo scared to ask for help. You arent though and hopefully you are getting the support you need. I really hope you can sort through all these problems, 3 of my mates killed themselves because they were just too proud to ask, what a waste. I know you have the best personality traits to get through. xxx
Thanky you. Fee was a big help last night. Just all so mixed up at mo !
My anger management is cr@p so I have to try and sort that out. I hardly ever show my true emotions and it took me a while on Tuesday to realise what I was actually feeling because it was so alien to me.
I know on Friday that my counsellor wants me to go through the whole causitive ordeal, but in the present tense. I think it is because she wants me to get angry. I am not sure that I am ready for that but will do as much as I can. Determined to beat this.
I have a good friend who is going to travel down with me on Friday and support me afterwards, so I feel a bit safer now.
Thank you too for getting back - you are a great support too, just to know that people care is massive.xx
My anger management is cr@p so I have to try and sort that out. I hardly ever show my true emotions and it took me a while on Tuesday to realise what I was actually feeling because it was so alien to me.
I know on Friday that my counsellor wants me to go through the whole causitive ordeal, but in the present tense. I think it is because she wants me to get angry. I am not sure that I am ready for that but will do as much as I can. Determined to beat this.
I have a good friend who is going to travel down with me on Friday and support me afterwards, so I feel a bit safer now.
Thank you too for getting back - you are a great support too, just to know that people care is massive.xx
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