Partner on adult friend finder

[jedimistress]

I found my partner of 3 years has registered on the website above. Looking for sex chat and email. Well, should I take this as the end of our relationship, or his curiosity or what? I don't know what to do, but I wont confront him about it as I want to monitor it, even sign up myself and make contact to see what happens. I donlt know. My mind is spinning. Is this cheating?

[libby1980]

It's not cheating, but it's not far off! It's very disrespectful to you and your relationship. I think you should monitor it for a bit and then kick his arse!!

[RATTER15]

Yes its cheating!!! read this http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/cheatin g

same subject covered yesterday http://www.theanswerbank.co.uk/Body-and-Soul/Q uestion305315-2.html

[~admarlow~]

Maybe log on and check what he is upto just to be 100%

[PinkFizz]

Hiya - how did you find this out??

[crete]

i think you should confront him , you may regret monitoring his activities.

[cascarelli]

I wouldnt have a problem knowing that my partner was flirting when chatting or emailing online because I wouldnt think anything would come of it and it would be quite innocent but I think signing up with these sorts of websites is way too far.

It just seems a deliberate move to contact other people for sex.

Monitoring it might seem a good idea but I'd feel a bit seedy doing it - but then signing up for these things is quite seedy anyway!

I'd guess you need a general chat about where your relationship is going and if there's something missing.

[jedimistress]

Pink,
It came up on his history. I found out his username too, requested a password reminder and so also have this to hand. Please don't berate me for spying as I just stumbled across it and of course I will beaver around for more as he is my partner.

We have a long distance relationship and it has never been a n easy one. He lives in Wales and I live in Devon. I refuse to move there as I don't like it, and he seems reluctant as that is is home...so we see each other every week but not always.

I don't have a problem with porn or even chatlines I guess, though I'd rather he didn't. But he has listed looking for someone in Wales so I'm wondering if it's just phone chat then why does it have to be someone in the area? Perhaps my mind working overtime.

[natalie_1982]

Tell him what you found out and give him a chance to explain himself, then kick his @rse.

If it is because he is curious then you ought to give me him the chance to tell you why he didn't come to you in the first place to tell you about his feelings. Monitoring him could end up hurting yourself even more. Best to get it out in the open asap.

I don't condone what he is doing at all but think that everyone should be given a chance.

Three years is a lot to throw away if it can be sorted out.

Good luck x x x

[PinkFizz]

You poor thing - what an awkward position to be in! It does sound as though he is looking for local women to contact,but if it is just for sex chat and email then why specify just wales,unless he intends to meet up with them sometime.

I gather he has done this on your pc,which is a bit daft.

[dizydosydoll]

i would sign up my self and string him along see how far he will go if he wants to meet up for sex then theres your answer.
I don't blame you for checking up i would have done the same.

Hope he doesnt take the bait.

Dizydosydoll

[natalie_1982]

Seems funny that he put it on his favourites as well - almost as though he wanted you to find it?

[Pea Pod]

I would`nt tell him that you have found this out, I would just ask him if he thinks your relationship is going anywhere.As to logging on and looking I think you will perhaps give yourself heartbreak if he is trying to date one of these women.

[noxlumos]

This differs in my opinion from someone just calling phoneline porn as it's a site frequented by people not always just looking for one partner but people who "swing", go "dogging" etc.
I am against snooping partners but in this instance you have good reason to be concerned, so that's somewhat irrelevant.
It's not a nice site where you go for a chat or to meet your life partner, it's a nasty site where people4 source other people to have casual sex with or where people advertise their parties. Just have a read through some other profiles and you'll see what I mean, so yeah monitor it and see how it goes, as he may just be curious, but you do need to know.

[libby1980]

I think you should flirt with him and plan to meet up. Then actually meet him and watch his face!!! Brilliant.

[Agent_Smith]

sorry but i have not read what others have said,but here is my two pence worth..............

perhaps he has registered with this site to see if there is any body he knows already there??

a couple of years ago i was looking for an incident that happened in my local area, so i googled "man,woman,my hometown".....lo and behold,in the search results came up about a local couple to me who advertised themselves for no strings sex,dogging and fetish party's""" well you have got to look aint ya,so i did, but i had to register (free) and guess what...............they were only my old next door nieghbours!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[natalie_1982]

Love that Agent_Smith!!

Thing is though, if that was the case I would have mentioned it to hubby beforehand in a "Oh, you'll never guess who....." kinda way

[PinkFizz]

Hmmm,I tend to agree with Nox on this one.I would send him a casual email and ask what he is looking for.I think you need to know don't you?

[Agent_Smith]

yeh, my wife heard me screaming with laughter so she came and had a look!

[natalie_1982]

Actually A_S you reminded, my hubby received a text on his phones months ago asking if he was over 18 and well, he's a man and....well I don't think it needs anymore explaining, but obv he said yes he was, and they ripped him off about �20 from his bill.

It took him a couple of days to tell me because he didn't know they had charged the money at the time, we did get the money back, but it just shows how easy it is to get caught out like that, and what it might have looked like to me had I seen his phone bill for the costs when he actually hadn't ever received any rudey pics or anything!

[jedimistress]

One thing I've decided not to do is join and encourage anything. That would be creating a situation which didn't exist.