ChatterBank4 mins ago
Living dayligthts?
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Ok, who had the living daylights beat out of them as a kid? Not suggesting that this is the best form of parenting but still remember it!
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nox you were not beaten as a child you suffered major physical abuse, but maybe the old bas$$$$ did you a favour and my his extreme behaviour you now behave in the opposite way. a smack on a well padded bottom is totally different than a child or young adult receiving a beating from a 6 foot 16 stone man who is totally out of control was i smacked i dont know , did i smack my children maybe on the bottom when they were young but they were never beaten, physically assaulting a child will achieve nothing it shows a lack of control from the parent.
Back again ... Hi everyone! Took me ages reading through all your postings. What a productive discussion!
Well Nox, my father was from Belfast, my mother is from Waterford and I was born in London (by accident). But we moved to Germany as dad was performing for the USO tours, entertaining British and American forces at the time. So I was at a German Ursuline convent when all that happened. I know though from relatives that it was indeed just like most Irish Catholic schools. Dreadful! It being one of the top girls' schools in Europe, I did get an extremely good education, but the physical abuse was so unnecessary, especially as I really was a good girl! But the nuns there would take any excuse to cane us. Waking up terrified every morning is not something any child should have to face.
Nox, I totally agree with your stance on this issue. I adored my father. He was such a gentle giant of a man and I am sure that your children adore you just as much as I did my dad. I decided very early on in life that I would be the same kind of parent he was, should I ever have children.
I agree though that there is a time and a place when one has to hit back, i.e. if physically attacked by someone. Thankfully I am quite good at putting youngsters and adults in their place without being rude, loud or physically aggressive. I have to do that with my neighbours 16 year old twin boys sometimes. But I am very direct while still being friendly and that seems to work.
And yes it does make me proud that my children and my grandchildren have never experienced me being verbally or physically abusive.
Well Nox, my father was from Belfast, my mother is from Waterford and I was born in London (by accident). But we moved to Germany as dad was performing for the USO tours, entertaining British and American forces at the time. So I was at a German Ursuline convent when all that happened. I know though from relatives that it was indeed just like most Irish Catholic schools. Dreadful! It being one of the top girls' schools in Europe, I did get an extremely good education, but the physical abuse was so unnecessary, especially as I really was a good girl! But the nuns there would take any excuse to cane us. Waking up terrified every morning is not something any child should have to face.
Nox, I totally agree with your stance on this issue. I adored my father. He was such a gentle giant of a man and I am sure that your children adore you just as much as I did my dad. I decided very early on in life that I would be the same kind of parent he was, should I ever have children.
I agree though that there is a time and a place when one has to hit back, i.e. if physically attacked by someone. Thankfully I am quite good at putting youngsters and adults in their place without being rude, loud or physically aggressive. I have to do that with my neighbours 16 year old twin boys sometimes. But I am very direct while still being friendly and that seems to work.
And yes it does make me proud that my children and my grandchildren have never experienced me being verbally or physically abusive.
Hi Wardy, yeah my father did meet his demise in a "troubles" related incident (very strong Republican family mine) just after our street was fired, but that's niether here nor there to the man he was. He was actually a very well read, intelligent man, very well thought of in his community and his abuse of me was not the be all and end of all of him by a long way. I let go of the anger and fear I felt towards him a few years back now and began to see him as merely a human being with some very big issues and not the almost supernatural monster I'd managed to create in my head. He was just a man who for his own reasons couldn't be a father to me ( he was fine with the other kids and my mother) and for all I now have a passable, under the circumstances, relationship with my mother, the whole situation was roundly her fault in my humble opinion, knowing what I now know of the situation at the time.
Crete you are of course right, I'm aware that my treatment was extreme, and possibly he is the reason I cringe whenever I see someone slap a kid. For all he wasnt a very good father I think I learned a great deal from him in the very brief time I knew him, but I learned how to be a father from his best friend who "adopted" me almost after his death. He was everything you could want in a man, and he listened, believed and understood me when I told him what had happened, and he never raised his hand to a child that I've ever seen.He's been my benchmark for fatherhood and, touch wood ,so far my kids are nice people.
Great tea Pink, I'll have another please :)
Crete you are of course right, I'm aware that my treatment was extreme, and possibly he is the reason I cringe whenever I see someone slap a kid. For all he wasnt a very good father I think I learned a great deal from him in the very brief time I knew him, but I learned how to be a father from his best friend who "adopted" me almost after his death. He was everything you could want in a man, and he listened, believed and understood me when I told him what had happened, and he never raised his hand to a child that I've ever seen.He's been my benchmark for fatherhood and, touch wood ,so far my kids are nice people.
Great tea Pink, I'll have another please :)
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Pink, can I have a cuppa too please, milk two splenda if you have them. Ta! xx
Nox, my grandfather died in the troubles in 1920, when he was a high ranking police officer working under cover. One day the B-Specials broke into his house, tied him to a chair, made his wife and children stand at the other end of the room and watch as they machine gunned him until he was unrecognisable. My father was 4 years old at the time. He could have ended up like so many in the North being, desperately angry and growing up seeking revenge. But my grandmother made sure that didn't happen. In my eyes, she was a hero and I am so proud of my father for not letting an experience that haunted him all his life, destroy his and ours with it. You're a good man Nox and you are right to be so proud of your lovely wife. :o)
Nox, my grandfather died in the troubles in 1920, when he was a high ranking police officer working under cover. One day the B-Specials broke into his house, tied him to a chair, made his wife and children stand at the other end of the room and watch as they machine gunned him until he was unrecognisable. My father was 4 years old at the time. He could have ended up like so many in the North being, desperately angry and growing up seeking revenge. But my grandmother made sure that didn't happen. In my eyes, she was a hero and I am so proud of my father for not letting an experience that haunted him all his life, destroy his and ours with it. You're a good man Nox and you are right to be so proud of your lovely wife. :o)
Crete,well it's a very complex reason WHY he only abused me and as I said all down to my mother really. He was married twice, his first wife committed suicide due to post natal depression and she'd had a cancer diagnosis and this apparently hit him very hard as he was devoted to her by all accounts.He was left with 2 little girls to rear ( my half sisters) and did a reasonable job from their recollections, then he met and married my mother. All fine so far. I turned up soon afterwards and was the much doted on first son, he apparently thought the world of me when I was little. However my mother got ghastly post natal depression as well apparently and this really took it's toll on my father who had 3 little kids now to look after and a wife who wasn't coping at all, as well as holding down a job to support us all. He had always been a heavy drinker but started to become agressive when he was drunk and it all seemed to change, according to my sister Roisin whose seven years older than me, when my mother became pregnant for the second time. My father said he was leaving as he couldn't cope with her the way she was and with us as well and she told him the deperate lie that I wasn't his child and that's why she was so messed up and depressed etc because she'd been molested by someone, and too scared to tell him and that she wouldn't be like that with the second baby.I then became the focus of everything that was wrong in his life, and my younger brother was the little angel. I was unaware of the reason why until a few years ago when my mother and I had a huge scene and she admitted what she'd said to stop him leaving. (I had TB meningitis and they do all sorts of brain scans etc and found these brain injuries and evidence of skull fractures and I was 100% fit to kill her because she always maintained that I had not been abused by him despite me recalling to the contrary and having scars all over me).
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