Is porn that big of a deal??????

[dizydosydoll]

I have just had a debate with my good friend over porn! Basically my fella watches porn and it doesnt bother me he has also been to a strip club on 2 occassions for stag dos. My friend is really against men looking at women in that way and her new fella has been to a strip club over the weekend and so she is mortified, i have tried to tell her that its not that big of a deal but she isnt having any of it and went on to say how porn is like the next thing to a affair and that she has spoke to her ex partners in detail about what turns them on about porn and its because they imagine that they are the person doing it and i feel that was just a dig at me. So 3 quetions please 1) does your partner watching porn bother you? And men 2) do you really get off watching porn wishing you was that person on the screen and last 3) do you think she is right in what she is saying that men shouldnt look at women this way?
TIA

[Theland]

jeanette1976 - I've been married for 34 years and the sexual side of my marriage left nothing to be desired - I have six kids.
However, one man and one woman, totally devoted and loving, without the necessity of voyeurism, makes for a better quality of relationship. Why settle for silver when you can have gold?
As for your degree, congratulations, but what does it prove here?
As for feeling comfortable with your sexuality, so do paedophiles, just that their sexuality is so outside the bounds of normality as to be criminal. But hey are way down the slippery slope, whilst others are just stepping off.
Wouldn't you feel more loved if you knew that your partner got 100% sexual satisfaction from loving you only, not 90% and the other 10% from glossy mags and porn films?

[Octavius]

I am a bit of a perfectionist, so I only watch the big P when I am starring in it - just to make sure my acting is up to scratch. Strip joints are tedious and seedy in my view and I avoid them � even on stag do�s - but I wouldn�t place judgement on anyone who goes in to them.

[liquidspace]

I guess its a personal thing, you either get hurt by the thought of your partner doing it or you dont and I just do! Its difficult to change the way you feel about something.
I guess if I got sex regularly and when I wanted it, him masturbating wouldnt be so much of a problem.

[liquidspace]

Theland - hooray - you put this point over so much better than me !

[Miss Inquiry]

Thanks for taking the words out of my mouth pa__ul. I suppose I have an open mind to it, if he wants a bit of variety good for him, I am comfortable that he prefers me to anything he could watch on TV, I'm certainly not saying i'm more attractive than the women he could be looking at, but there is more to a person than them simply on screen. I doubt some of thoes girls would get out of bed and make him a cuppa if he had a hangover!!
I don't think he feels the urge to watch them when I am about. If I am on holiday, away on business etc.... I see no problem. After all us girls have our toys/magazines too.

[pixie_woo]

I'm interested why Theland thinks porn is "sick". I can kind of understand the respect thing (although I think this is an old-fashioned idea) but I really don't understand what makes it sick. There are some genres of porn which I believe cross a certain decency line, but even that is subjective. Is there anyone of that opinion who can enlighten me?

[Theland]

pixie-woo I think it's sick as it is a deviance from what is normal.
In most societies, it is accepted as normal for one man and one woman to enjoy a sexual relationship within the bounds of marriage, excluding any third party. The porn thing is introducing a third party into the relationship.
How can the relationship be 100% healthy if it can't function properly without one or both partners watching other people doing it?

[Miss Inquiry]

Theland, you have lost me, i'm not sure I understand your comparison between someone who is comfortable with their sexuality and stepping onto a slippery slop that could lead to peadophillia....

[Octavius]

So Theland it is only sick if you are in a relationship?

[Theland]

Miss Inquiry - I most definitely did not intend to convey the notion that porn leads to paedophilia, apologies if I did.
I'm simply saying that most people feel comfortable with their sexual preferences, whether these preferences are normal, slightly deviant, or even criminal.
So comfort is not the criteria.
Exclusivity is.
If your partner watches porn, you are not exclusive. He needs / wants you AND porn to satisfy. Why share yourself - be exclusive.

[noxlumos]

I personally don't find anything "sick" or peculiar about porn, I have watched it and can generally take it or leave it. It in no way degrades the way I feel about my wife and she is in no way "second best" or "only 90% " of my sexual pleasure thanks very much Theland, and I believe I have a unique and wonderful relationship with my wife that's "platinum" on your scale of things, without either of us finding the need for petty jealousy, exclusivity of attention or any of the other little insecurities that people who think porn is evil usually have.I find it quite insulting that you imply that a relationship where one or both partners watch porn must in some way be less than one in which neither do.That is clearly not the case.
To get back to the initial question, I have watched porn, so has my wife, it's bothered neither of us. i have never pretended it's me in the film???!!!??? I think that men or women viewing porn is perfectly harmless, except where their partner is distressed about it. I f they are then it clearly needs discussing, but for the most part I think that your average well balanced person sees it for what it is, a bit of fun stimulation that should not impact on your relationship in any way but the positive.

[pixie_woo]

Thanks Theland, I appreciate your response and respect your opinion.
While the idea of one man and one woman is the accepted norm in most Western cultures, you cannot deny that in cultures across the world it is quite common for a man to have more than one wife. I know we all judge others by our own standards but sometimes making a blanket judgement can lead to tunnel vision on the subject.

[Theland]

Noxlumos - Insulting I did not intend to be and apologise to you, and anybody else who might have taken offence.
I could take the equal and opposite view that I may feel insulted if my opinion on what is normal was also viewed as abnormal, because it is devoid of any detraction from my wife.
The other point not mentioned yet, is the vast amounts of money made in the porn industry, so lucrative that the market is often satisfied by so called sex alves imported for this purpose.
To pay for porn is to create the market, and then criminal activity to satisfy the market.

[Theland]

Octavius - I thought we were all talking about the use of porn within a relationship.
A couple of guys, or gals getting together to watch porn and drool in their beer is something else again.
Who's going to lead on this one?

[PinkFizz]

I see nothing wring with it at all.We have watched it together and it is just a bit of fun.

[Miss Inquiry]

Theland, I think it's great your in such a brilliant marrige, whatever floats your boat and works for you is excellent, 6 kids, wow!

My relationship in my eyes is very exclusive, while this thread continues, there is another question in B&S about trust, I was the first to reply stating I 100% trust my man, and he trusts me. He would never cheat on me, I would never cheat on him. I think you are seeing pornography as somehow tarnishing a relationship, and cheating...

Would owning a sex toy as a female be removing the exclusivity of our relationship? If so I am just as guilty as my man.

[liquidspace]

The whole point of this question is that the girl doesnt like her partner doing it (same as me). So, Nox, when you said "porn is harmless except when the other partner is stressed about it" - that's is the key point.

Should or could the man 'doing the deed' stop doing it in order to protect her feelings or is the desire to 'knock one out' too strong to worry about what she may think?

[wonderwoman1]

Hi dizydosydoll, In the relationships i have had two of the men i have been with have really enjoyed watching porn(with me and without me) and going to strip clubs etc and to be honest it didnt bother me at all. I would never have tried to stop them going. In saying that both men cheated on me so i dont know what that means!!! I think your friend is over-reacting though, but each to their own!