Is porn that big of a deal??????

[dizydosydoll]

I have just had a debate with my good friend over porn! Basically my fella watches porn and it doesnt bother me he has also been to a strip club on 2 occassions for stag dos. My friend is really against men looking at women in that way and her new fella has been to a strip club over the weekend and so she is mortified, i have tried to tell her that its not that big of a deal but she isnt having any of it and went on to say how porn is like the next thing to a affair and that she has spoke to her ex partners in detail about what turns them on about porn and its because they imagine that they are the person doing it and i feel that was just a dig at me. So 3 quetions please 1) does your partner watching porn bother you? And men 2) do you really get off watching porn wishing you was that person on the screen and last 3) do you think she is right in what she is saying that men shouldnt look at women this way?
TIA

[pixie_woo]

I love this debate. This is the longest thread I've seen that hasn't dissolved into petty name-calling.
I don't think my relationship is improved by porn, I don't think I would be missing anything if I never watched another blue movie. My hubby is away for 4 months, if he needs to watch a couple "getting it on" to relieve himself thats fine. The fact that he is unembarrassed to admit it means that I'm less inclined (in my darkest moments) to wonder if he is seeking satisfaction elsewhere. I think he would rather go without than cheat but my mind does play its naughty tricks!

[dizydosydoll]

i think that to wonderwoman and i think that if she makes it clear then they will just end up lying about it.

liquidspace would you feel the same about porn if you and your partner had a fab sex life and he still watched it, you see this is not my friends case sex is fine and regular it the fact that hes watching it that would bother her.

[Theland]

Miss Inquiry - Maybe it's my age, and yes, I confess to being old fashioned in many of my ideas and opinions, and yes, I also confess to being wrong sometimes / often. However, these are the opinions I feel comfortable with. It's not a guilt trip that prohibits me joining the enlightened ones, but a feeling that it is simply wrong.
A woman can allow herself to be filmed having sex, without realising that she bears some corporate responsibility for ALL women, and this diminishes respect for them.
I have worked in factories all of my life, and what language is used there to describe women and sex is appalling.
I want to be able to know that I have never contributed to this diminishing of respect for women. My attitude to porn reflects this.

[joko]

it sounds like she is insecure about her body or her relationship

you cannot control what goes on in another persons head, and i can guarantee that most people have thought about having sex with others whilst having sex and during daily life.

exclusivity of thought doesn't mean very much if it is demanded, it has to be freely given

if you don't allow someone something they want, they will go behind your back, resent you for it, or in this case play a porn film in their mind - the imagination is a very clever thing.

all that will happen is it will become a sought after thing, and possibly become a problem as his mind will be on it more than if it was freely available.

i would like to know what makes your definition of normal the correct one thland?
i would imagine in terms of nature and the fact that we are just mammals like all the others, that 'normal' is much further away from you than you imagine

[liquidspace]

I guess if we were having regular sex when either of us wanted it then I would tend to wonder why he would feel the need to do it, so yes it would still probably bother me.

He likened watching porn to always having sausages to eat every night, when once in a while you might fancy a burger! He actually did admit the other night that he prefers masturbation (by himself or me doing it to him) than actual penetrative sex.

[pixie_woo]

Women are starting to take control of the porn industry. They are no longer the puppets and wont be manipulated. The number of female directors, production company CEO's and financial backers is increasing all the time. Times are changing and porn is finally catching up. Right, I'm off to burn my bra!

[Theland]

Joko - I bet you can guess what defines normality for me, as you were on the other threads about souls / heaven & hell.

(incidentally - I took somebodys' advice and posted my question on the religion topic)

[liquidspace]

right I have to bow out of this for today, will come back and check more answers tomorrow!