what is there to do???

[dejucrazy55]

my friends mom just died and she is the one who found her dead....this is soo devistating for her.....i mean it took her 10 mins just to walk into the house yesterday...she didnt want to go in...and then last night she stayed at someone elses house because she wouldnt stay at her house.....tonite is the visitation for her mother and i am going...but what do i say to her.....i know that just being there should be enough but i feel like there has to be something i can do to help......

[raysparx1]

dejucrazy,

You don't need to say a word, just a cuddle and a squeeze of her hand to let her know you are with her, words sometimes are meaningless,just be there to help her through this hard time,if words to come into your head just say what you feel,but I wouldn't worry if you can't think of anything to say though, Ray

[zimzam]

I am so sorry to hear this and a bereavement at Christmas time is awful. I found my Mother dead in 1992 about the same date so I truly sympathise.
To be honest under circumstances of finding any parent dead is a terrible shock and people simply cannot really say anything to allieviate the pain. There's the shock of losing a parent and the profound shock of finding them and no closure for them as the situation happened with no warning or any time to say goodbye.Whatever you do say won't be remembered so its gestures that mean far more than words.....a hug, your arm through theirs and passing over some of your strength, holding their hand and thats really all what a person wants and needs right now. later there will be time to say things - they may come out gauche and they may seem silly to you as soon as you have said them, but they will be spoken from the heart and very genuine to a friend who knows you well. Just be there to hug, hold and support - you'll be giving the best help that is needed right now.

[##Wardy##]

My advice would be to let her get on with it in her own way but tell her you are there for whatever needs she wants.

I don't know if her mother was elderly or ill as this may have taken some of the "surprise" element of the death.

Grief is so personal and people deal with it in a variety of ways. Personally, when my wife died (very sudden and totally unexpected) I coped fairly well. If one more person telephoned or spoke with me saying "Oooooh I am so sorry, blah blah blah" I was ready to rip their face off.

However, I knew in my heart they were there if I chose to elect their support. She, may well be completely different to me and ask for your help, but don't push the sympathy card too far down her throat.

Also, you don't have to be a Christian to seek solace in the church. All men of the cloth in the COE are compassionate listeners and excellent counsellers.

Not a good time of the year to lose a loved one.

Bless her heart and may the new year bring a little joy from this sad event.

[Blyss]

I lost my mother very suddenly 19 years ago on the 10 december ,, I was only 19 at the time and she died infront of me ,,I was alone with her.
In all honesty ..what the others have said is right ..just you being there for her will be enough. I know that if I had a friend as caring as you are at that time ..it would have been a lot easier for me to handle.
Just be there for her and help her with the arangements and the relatives that seem to pop up for the woodwork .