Women should never........................

[##Wardy##]

1) Drink pints
2) Be drunk in public
3) Pretend to be hard
4) Try to dominate men
5) Eat in public (except restaurants)
6) Never say the f or c word
7) Smoke anything (ummmmmmm, you have disappointed me!!!!!)
8) Wear trousers to a wedding
9) Wear trainers other than doing sports/training
10) Moan about periods
11) Moan about men
12) Moan
13) Fart
14) Drive

and should always...............................

1) Smell of flowers
2) Know there place
3) Accept a spanking
4) Be non-confrontational
5) Smile at people
6) Wear skirts/dresses more than not
7) Wear underwear
8) Offer to cook
9) Keep a tidy wicket

and 10) Women should always be nice.

[Slooow_Jo]

I couldn't 'pump' in front of anyone!!! (ok maybe the kids lol) I just think theres no need...my mum on the other hand...will 'push' to make it louder then announce "good ole arse, I thought you were dead" :-/

[Pippa68]

Well that's ok John because it's a two way street :o)

Have you googled the bu88ering thing yet?

[Pippa68]

Mr P thought I never farted. He used to kick the cat in disgust. He then went on to bleed radiators, oil the door hinges and check the floorboards.

After a couple of years I decided enough was enough. I answered a particularly spectacular guff of his, even more spectacular than his.

''Thank God for that'' he replied ''I thought you were abnormal''. It may sound juvenile and even repugnnt to some, but every now and then we enjoy a good laugh :o)

[andy-hughes]

I don't think they've allowed Wardy to lob a grenade into a building, duck, and wait for the big bang, since he left the army, so he does the conversational equivalent on here.

Seems to work fine.

[notfrom-oz]

LOL@pippa!!!!

[Goodsoulette]

hahaha.... well, as if you didnt know I was far from your ideal woman, apart from 3, 9,10, 13 and 14 on your never list I am a serial repeater of them all and most flowers smell of cats pee so I think Ill just stick to something chanel!

[unruliejulie]

and women should....sit in the house either knitting their men folk a new wooly jumper or doing a nice cross stitch picture to hang over the freshly swept hearth, they should only leave that house as and when the husband says it is necessary for her to do so to go and get food supplies, she must breast feed all the babies and use only terry nappies to keep her busy and her hands extra soft and she MUST do at least 8 hours of housework per day, darning husbands socks and sewing on buttons not to be included in these 8 hours. A good and true woman must NEVER ask her husband for sex, she should only do that when it is requirtd by him and she must only speak when spoken to, that is an absolute must!
Sound like your ideal woman Ward?????

[notfrom-oz]

blimey my fella would love that i mean he does love that for that is I.exept you missed out only speak when spoken too and keep conversation about him

[unruliejulie]

its at the boottom notfrom, that one is a must for any egotistical fella but yes, i forgot to say the conversation must always revolve around his needs and desires.!

[curlylfim]

women should be

of strong opinion, fiesty, humurous and a little wicked, with personality, and a smile

[Scarlett]

I understand your old fashioned viewpoint, but I don't understand the one about eating in public at ALL!!! Why?

[joko]

you will die a lonely old man if you wait for someone like that to come along...

i hope for your sake that most of that is just you being good ol' confrontational you.

[ummmm1]

Hey Curly....thats me!!!!!

[joby1]

women should NEVER fanny fart whilst a man is down there!! No I havent done it,,,,,,,but I know a woman that has!!! :-))

[curlylfim]

get your bag ummmm........................lol

[Scarlett]

You could always go for John McCririck's wife, she sounds JUSt your type. Seriously.

[crete]

wardy didnt mention that ladies must always walk two paces behind men at all time...

[notfrom-oz]

should not put up crappy floating shelves when her very clever fella said dont.
as the crappy wall will not hold them.