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Children's Questions
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Who has had one of 'those' moments?
Last year I was sitting chatting with my six year old daughter, when she suddenly said 'Dad, what's a penis?'
I did a reasonable job of not looking like a sledgehammer had hit, and answering her honestly.
However that was nothing compared to the terror I felt when my son asked me that question every father dreads.
He was 12 at the time and not particularly sporting. We were watching the world cup when he asked 'Dad, what does offside mean?'
Last year I was sitting chatting with my six year old daughter, when she suddenly said 'Dad, what's a penis?'
I did a reasonable job of not looking like a sledgehammer had hit, and answering her honestly.
However that was nothing compared to the terror I felt when my son asked me that question every father dreads.
He was 12 at the time and not particularly sporting. We were watching the world cup when he asked 'Dad, what does offside mean?'
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I remember reading a magazine in a doctor's surgery when I was quite young and innocently asking my mother what consummation meant.
Didn't go down too well and never got my explanation, just got an evil look and warning it wasn't something that should be said in public (sex was a very very taboo subject at home - never had any of the birds and bees stuff, well from them anyway) :)
Didn't go down too well and never got my explanation, just got an evil look and warning it wasn't something that should be said in public (sex was a very very taboo subject at home - never had any of the birds and bees stuff, well from them anyway) :)
Oh no, not the off side rule... how did you manage to worm your way out of that one?
I had a class full of 12 year olds all sitting at their computers getting on with the task set for that day... it suddenly went quiet... the clam before the storm, maybe? anyway, somebody let out a very loud gush of wind, the class had a little snigger and a few gasps of shock horror escaped those who wouldn't dream of doing such things in public, when out booms a voice from the other side of the room... MISS, WAS THAT YOU???
:oO - ME???
I could feel the blood rushing to my face, even tho I knew it wasn't me I could feel 30 pairs of eyes all glaring at me!
To which I replied... yeah sorry, must have been that curry last night!! - cheeky little rotters!
I had a class full of 12 year olds all sitting at their computers getting on with the task set for that day... it suddenly went quiet... the clam before the storm, maybe? anyway, somebody let out a very loud gush of wind, the class had a little snigger and a few gasps of shock horror escaped those who wouldn't dream of doing such things in public, when out booms a voice from the other side of the room... MISS, WAS THAT YOU???
:oO - ME???
I could feel the blood rushing to my face, even tho I knew it wasn't me I could feel 30 pairs of eyes all glaring at me!
To which I replied... yeah sorry, must have been that curry last night!! - cheeky little rotters!
Lore, your answer reminds me of a Britannia Airways stewardess who told me of a flight she was on.
She was feeling a bit bloated and someone asked for a beer, which was in the bottom of the drinks trolley. She bent right down and as she did so she accidentally blew off. Feeling very embarressed she just carried on, but then heard a voice behind saying "Mum she just farted in my face"
She was feeling a bit bloated and someone asked for a beer, which was in the bottom of the drinks trolley. She bent right down and as she did so she accidentally blew off. Feeling very embarressed she just carried on, but then heard a voice behind saying "Mum she just farted in my face"
I had a female french exchange student over and we were sitting reading a magazine one day when she suddenly announced that she thought we had the same testicles!!!
I was laughing too much to explain, had to show her in the dictionary what it meant (surpirsing enough my french didn't stretch that far) and the look on her face was a picture!
She meant tastes :)
I was laughing too much to explain, had to show her in the dictionary what it meant (surpirsing enough my french didn't stretch that far) and the look on her face was a picture!
She meant tastes :)
My Mother had one of those moments with me in a crowded bus in London as she was taking me to school (I was about 6) My Grandfather and my Uncle were both in the Navy and served together on many ships. My Grandfather's name was George and my Uncles name was Albert but he was always known to everybody as Dick. I had obviously overheard adults comments so whilst on a very crowded bus asked my Mother, "If Grandad is George and Uncle Dick is really Albert then why are they always called big dick and little dick?"......Mum said the whole bus fell silent waiting for her answer.
I always loved animals and anything to do with them as a kid. I remember walking round the market and seeing a sweatshirt with a cartoon picture of a cat on it and underneath the words, "happiness is a warm pussy" I kept on asking my Mum for it but she wouldnt buy it! I just couldnt understand why not! I thought she was just being mean!!!!!
this is a bit off piont but it cracked me up... this morning my 5 yr old son said 'the ejaculations are down' after nearly choking on my tea i askd what!? he said (while pointing at the ceiling) 'the ejaculations are are down you cleaned them up!'
it was then i relized he ment decorations!!
i dont think his mouth had woken up properly as later on he asked for strangled egg!!!
it was then i relized he ment decorations!!
i dont think his mouth had woken up properly as later on he asked for strangled egg!!!
OK. The offside rule. Here we go.
Imagine you and your friends are going to the Next sale, hoping to bag a few bargains, but you only have one purse between you. If you find a bargain, and have the purse you can go straight to the checkout.
If however your friend is holding the purse, they must throw it to you as you head for the checkout.
There must be at least one other shopper, apart from your friends, between you and the checkout when the purse is thrown. It is OK if you go past them while the purse is in the air. The only important thing is that when the purse leaves your friends hand you must not be the closest shopper to the checkout. It is OK to be level with the other shopper.
The store manager will be watching, assisted by two store detectives. They will not be happy if you loiter near the checkouts with a bargain in your hand, unless there is another shopper between you and the checkout. However if they feel that you are not interfering with anyone they might allow it.
This is where it gets really difficult because different store managers have a different view of interfering. You might be able to loiter near the checkouts at the Bull Ring or Bluewater, but the manager at Gateshead might complain.
Am I right?
Imagine you and your friends are going to the Next sale, hoping to bag a few bargains, but you only have one purse between you. If you find a bargain, and have the purse you can go straight to the checkout.
If however your friend is holding the purse, they must throw it to you as you head for the checkout.
There must be at least one other shopper, apart from your friends, between you and the checkout when the purse is thrown. It is OK if you go past them while the purse is in the air. The only important thing is that when the purse leaves your friends hand you must not be the closest shopper to the checkout. It is OK to be level with the other shopper.
The store manager will be watching, assisted by two store detectives. They will not be happy if you loiter near the checkouts with a bargain in your hand, unless there is another shopper between you and the checkout. However if they feel that you are not interfering with anyone they might allow it.
This is where it gets really difficult because different store managers have a different view of interfering. You might be able to loiter near the checkouts at the Bull Ring or Bluewater, but the manager at Gateshead might complain.
Am I right?
