I expect to get slated for this question...

[filthiestfis]

I was wondering what you ABers thought about this: I have been trying to get together with a girl now for a few months, she hasnt been sure about it but we get along great, we argued the other day and I told her that I couldnt wait forever for her to make her decision whether she wanted a relationship or not because she was an investment of my life. She took that really badly, as if I only meant a financial investment. The truth is I am giving her my heart and soul, my time, a lot of things...she isnt really giving back, and I dont care about the money, but its the lack of effort. My question is: would you be offended if you were considered an investment? I believe that its a realistic way of looking at the future.

[China Doll]

Well your teminology I guess wasn't great if you're something of a romantic Filth but I think anyone with half a brain could have understood you meant that you were investing your future with her rather than anything to do with money. Personally I wouldn't have taken offence at that.

But frankly I would also say you should be worrying less about your wording and more about whether there is an equal balance in your relationship. Focusing on anything else is just hiding from the real issue which seems to me that there is an inequality in the relationship that needs addressing.

Unfortunately, that's not something I could help you with but I would say that if you are thinking of the future then think about what you want and don't want as well.

Good luck.

[bobtheduck-]

get rid if she is like that when you are not even going out what will she be like a year down the road

[China Doll]

Or you could put it that way ^^^^^^

[jeanette1976]

Sounds to me like she's not worth the effort. But I certaily wouldn't have said what you did... hehehehe, you nutter!

[filthiestfis]

well I am a hopeless romantic but this wasnt a romantic situation. The truth is that she isnt sure if she wanst to go full time with me and I cant wait around forever, Ive bought her loads of stuff and although she hasnt asked for anything, Im not asking for her to buy me equally, but to show me equality in other areas. I guess if she isnt sure now, its true that she wont want me at a later stage, and Im in denial because I really want to be with her. At the same time I do get mad at not seeing her give 100% of her to me as I am doing with her. I know I deserve someone who will give me back equally.

[filthiestfis]

by the way, the "I bought her loads of stuff" sounds like I am intending to buy affection from her. I would like to add from that, It hasnt just been a case of buying stuff, I have given her lots of affection and reassurance that I am loyal, because she doesnt trust guys very much, I have listened to her and made her laugh when she has been feeling down, I believe these are all important things.

[bobtheduck-]

dont buy them things early doors its road to ruin

[China Doll]

Then the Duckster is spot on really isn't he Filth?

It sounds like you have some thinking to do.

I hope you get what you do deserve. Take care.

[filthiestfis]

but how early is early? I didnt buy her anything until 3 months after meeting her!

[China Doll]

And actually... as a second thought....

what in God's name is she doing letting you buy her stuff when she's not even sure if she wants to be with you?! Jesus, has she no pride?

[China Doll]

Flowers fine (unless she has hayfever obviously).

Chocolates fine.

CD's fine.

Token silly cr@p fine.

All fine.... but you shouldn't accept anything from someone over a tenner in my opinion if you have no future interest in them.

But I can be difficult.

[bobtheduck-]

what about novelty socks china

[filthiestfis]

ah it was all my doing. She never asked me for anything, other than one time when she asked me to lend her money, I only had �40 left in my account so I gave it to her, she said she would return it in 10 days, I told her to not worry, to give it to me when she could....that was 6 weeks ago and I never heard about it again. Yet I dont believe that she is materialistic, but that she doesnt earn much and has her priorities wrong.

[China Doll]

Lol... Novelty socks come under token Ducky so they're fine.

Right ok.... you've actually tapped in to a pet hate of mine Filth so wait for it... I may rant....

[bobtheduck-]

so you gave your last 40 quid to a bird who isnt your gf or related to you...what are those things that you drink tea from?

[filthiestfis]

go ahead china doll...the space is yours!

[filthiestfis]

bob yes I gave her money but she is a friend who I am trying to get close to, so its not like I go giving money to strangers, but if any friend needs money I would lend it provided that I had it, but the thing is that in return I expect some sort of formality as it pertains to the reinbursement of my monies, hey, had she addressed the situation and actually told me that she couldnt pay up now and would return it down the line or even if she had said that she downright couldnt pay, at least I would know where I stand, but the fact that she, by her own accord told me it would be 10 days and then kept quiet, quite frankly annoys me.