update and need advice

[mis1]

Hi everyone, with regards to my post that some of you may remember I was trying to track my birth father. I THINK I may have his address, but im not too sure.. I cant get a telephone number which I would of prefered, any advice on what I could do next?? Write a letter?? if so what do I say??!! Its all so stressful!!

Any adice would be much appreciated.
Thanks xx

[4getmenot]

I think writing a letter is a bit better than phoning actually at least with a letter he will have time to read it over rather than get a shock phone call

[mis1]

any suggestions to what I could write??? and what could I put in the letter to cover if it isnt actually him?? and do i tell him to get in touch if it is him by letter or a number? I just dont know what to do!

[4getmenot]

arent there agancies that do that for you. I cant tell you what to put I dont know the story, were you adopted or just lost touch?

[mis1]

My mam had me at 18, was with him for a few year, think i can remember him being around when i was 3. And then dont know much after that, just that they split up, i didnt see him again after the age of three 25 now. my mam met someone else who i call dad and they changed my name by depoll and my dad adopted me. thats about it really!!

[Roughquest]

Just keep the letter as formal, straight to the point and non-intrusive, you dont need to include the whole story here, you are just putting out some 'feelers' as you only 'think' you have the correct address.

You could try :-

Dear sir/madam,

Forgive the intrusiveness of this letter but I am presently creating a family tree from scratch and would be most grateful of any advice you could pass on - I am trying to trace XXXXXXX - if I have the incorrect information then please accept my sincere apologies for having contacted you.

Bests
XXXXX

[mis1]

Thanks for that roughquest! It was just wording the letter that got me stuck, do you think it would be ok to type it or should it be handwritten??

[4getmenot]

Good idea roughquest but if I got that then got in touch thinking it was for a family tree then found out it was my daughter I'd be quite upset that they lied. Just put your story and who you trying to find I'm sure if it is your dads address and he wants to know he will get in contact, if it isnt then I'm sure no person would be annoyed at getting that letter and would even be kind enough to let you know or help you with any forwarding addresses.

[4getmenot]

and hand written is nicer

[mis1]

Thanks everyone for your posts and advice, I will keep you updated on the situation xxx

[4getmenot]

I hope all works out as you want it to. xxx

[mis1]

Thanks for that 4getmenot, I do too!!! its all a bit nerve racking! Going to start handwritting a letter right now! wish me luck!! xx

[bigmamma]

I hope it all works out well for you mis 1 :-) xx

[4getmenot]

Luck. xx

[4getmenot]

But just remember if he doesnt get in contact it isnt your fault, there may be lots of issues you dont know about. But I'm sure it will be his loss :-) and just remember who's loved you and looked after you all your life to make you the person you are today. xx

[joko]

just tell the truth - he will know what you are doing when he gets the letter, and showing some emotion will help him with that initial connection.

just say you have been searching for him and you are hoping this is the right lead. and if you are wrong could he help you with any information.

if you are formal and even a bit stern and make up a story, he may steer clear thinking he's in for a hard time - that you just want to know who he is and nothing more.

handwritten is better.

[johnlambert]

Yeah I agree with Roughquest + joko,
an added bonus is that a letter will give him the opportunity to tell his family that they have a new sister (I assume you are female) if he hasn't already told them. If you phone him and his wife/partner answers you will have the devils own job trying to explain to her why a young lady is calling her home and asking to speak to her husband

[4getmenot]

lambert roughquest sugested a white lies letter, whereas joko said tell the truth, how do you agree with them both??

[johnlambert]

oops sorry, didnt notice that, thanks menot
I meant that a letter was better than a phone call.

[4getmenot]

definately and you give a great reason too.

[Roughquest]

Definitely hand written Mis1 - please just swallow your nerves and go for it, you have nothing to lose at all but a hell of a lot to gain I think, its all so exciting but if it turns out to be a dud, then please dont get disheartened, your birth father is out there - oh and please do let us all know how things are going....
Best of luck, it takes some guts to do what you are doing girl !
RQ xx