Hi becks, i am really sorry to hear that you are going through a bad time right now. I would urge you to see your GP for treatment, although I understand your reluctance. I have been taking anti-dpressants for fifteen years now, after a total breakdown resulting in three months as a psychiatric in-patient, and nine further months off work. You should see the treatment as similar to insulin for a diabetic - you have a chemical inbalance in your brain which needs to be adjusted, just like insulin for diabetes. If you approach your condition in this way, you will get the benefit of treatment. I am not suggesting that you will even need long-term treatment, many many patients are able to drop medication after the worst symptoms have passed, or take tablets on an 'as required' basis, and this may well be the case for you. The important thing is to get yourself seen and diagnosed - it may be that medication is not a suitable treatment for you, your doctor may arrange conselling, but treatment is what you need, before your symptoms worsen. Hope this advice helps - it is from someone who understands, rather than the 'pull yourself together' merchants you are no doubt surrounded by! Stay in touch, and let us know how you get on. Best wishes meantime.