Making up

[becks]

My boyfriend and i have just got back together after six weeks apart. We're both still in love with each other and fancy each other but things aren't right. He went off with someone else but i'm moving on from that, we both really want this work and are really sad that it doesn't seem to be working. anyone help?

[Lotus]

I would be really impressed if you can truly move on from that fact. That is, if Im understanding you right and he cheated on you? Because that is incredibly difficult to forget. The key thing to any relationship is trust, and its really difficult to trust someone again when they've let you down like that...But if you decided to separate and he got together with someone else, thats a different story. If you two really wanted it to work, the only thing I can suggest is sit down together, and write a list each, of things you would like to change in your relationship. Work out the areas that truly make a difference, and give yourselves a set time. Like if in two months, things are still making you unhappy, agree to part. That might sound a bit silly, but thats how my boyfriend and I worked things out, and we're now happily living together. I really hope it works out for you - best of luck to you both! :)

[saffstar]

I totally agree with Lotus, I was in a similar situation a few years ago but although we tried (although probably half-heartedly) it didn't work out. On the bright side though, my friend's boyfriend cheated on her a few years ago, she was absolutely devastated but they stuck together and worked really hard to build trust again - they've now been married for three years & their first child has just been born. I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's really hard and sometimes it can't be worked out - you can't help the way you feel, but sometimes, there is a happy ending. You need to be kind to each other and take your time, you can't suddenly 'switch off' being hurt (if only!). As Lotus said, you do need to put in some hard slog and I wish you the very best of luck with it

[Lotus]

Ah, Saffstar, how I wish - and Im sure all of us wish with me - that we could just 'switch off' the hurt! :) Any tips that worked for you? Maybe we can help Becks out a bit more - and I know Id like to hear other people's ideas :)

[becks]

Hello Lotus and saffstar, i didn't explain myself very well - he went off with someone after we'd broken up (albeit a week!) and i'm finidng that ok to move on from, like you said if he'd have cheated we wouldn't have got back together. It's all been a bit of an anticlimax i think, we'd both missed each other so much and wanted each other back that when it happened it was a bit like 'oh. ok. now what do we do?'. i hope we'll work it out as i love him so much, i guess i'm also still worried that i might get back into it and he'll be the one who says it isn't working, and i'll be the one who gets hurt again, as it was him who broke it off in the first place. we needed the break which i'm glad for i just thought this would be different... thanks guys x

[coemgen]

I think you need to sit down and talk about why you broke up in the first place as the issue will still be there.

[Tinker]

I'm in a similiar situation to you too Becks. Yesterday my boyfriend and I sat down to talk about 'us' and although we still love each other, we felt as if things had turned a bit 'stale'. We discussed breaking up, but realised everyone goes through rough patches.......we're going to try to sort stuff out because we love each other deep down. If you and your bf keep talking about your relationship, I'm sure things will sort themselves out (I'm hoping that's what will happen for me). I know what you mean by things being 'not right' and it breaks my heart to think things might not be working for me and my bf. I guess you just have to be strong and work together to get things back on track. Sorry if this answer has been a bit useless, just wanted you to know I'm going through a similiar thing. Good Luck to you both. xxx

[Casey]

I have been through a rough patch with my boyfriend (actually we have been through quite a few!) The thing that I found really helped was to talk about when we first met, things we said and did at the start of our relationship to try and 'recapture the magic' so to speak. It really helped aswell. We seem to appreciate each other more now. Try going out to special places, or go for a meal just the two of you. I talked to my boyfriend about the first time we met and both of our reactions, and our first kiss etc and remembering how special it was. Hope this helps chick x