cheating partners

[mr.foz]

My partner has cheated on me and im gutted. She denied it at first and lied for ages calling me paranoid etc. When i spoke to the other person he admitted it. Now she admits it..............................such a liar as well as a .............
Does anyone think i should forgive her and move on? She has said sorry, and i believe her, i think, but it is not the first time and i am not sure i could go through this again. Do leopards ever change their spots..........???

[888sally888]

Only you know whether you can not only forgive but more importantly forget.

I dont think I could stay with a cheater, but I have friends who have forgiven and seemed to have moved on together.

Is she the love of your life, your soulmate or do you honestly think you could do better?

[sosad]

I think it not only depends on if you love her, but does she love you, can you both see yourselves getting through this? do you make a good team in all other respects?

do you have children? could you cope on your own with them?

I don't think there is an easy answer, but a question you need to ask her is why? and what can you do to mend the situation? stange i know when your the one who's hurting, but belive it or not so is she.

Good luck, it's an awful time, but if you want to I am sure you can get through it.

[4getmenot]

I would have said forgive her, but then I saw 'this is not the first time' Get rid of her, she obviously doesnt respect you at all if she keeps doing it. Get someone that you deserve. you will never trust her. And sosad whats children got to do with it, regardless she cheated, why stay in a relationship like that because of children.

[confused79]

I agree with 4getmenot.

Firslt i was thinking maybe to get through it with her but then read the 'not the first time' bit and thought no.

She must know what she is putting you through and obviosuly she has no concience as she has done it agree.
You would not be doing your self respect any favours.

Dont get me wrongi have been cheated on too twice but each by different partners. My current partner cheated on me last year, it was very very hard and i have come through it, i have forgivin him but it was very very hard and i dont think i have the full 100% trust back although just yet.
If he ever and i mean ever done it again, there would be no queastion as to me getting rid. He has a chance once and i wont give it again, thats my view any way.
Good luck x

[4getmenot]

Fool you once, shame on me. Fool you twice, shame on you

[confused79]

Good way to describe it!

[4getmenot]

have you never heard that, its just to say the first time she did it it was her fault the second time its his.

[confused79]

Oh right, no i haven't.
That would have been me when i got back with my husband after he cheated, we then split again to me finding out he had been with someone again! and yes i felt like a mug, i think i did it for the kids to try again, but soon realised i wasn't doing them any favours anyway, i didnt really care in the end for him as i didnt love him anymore.
But hey ho! more fool me.

[4getmenot]

but you only took him back once didnt you, that doesnt make you a fool at all everybody would have probably tried. We�ve all done it but after so long you realise.

[raysparx1]

I could forgive once, because I would want to know what went wrong, it is rarely one persons fault, but more than once, and I would be out of that relationship so quick, the first cut is the deepest, but to have that first cut reopened would be hell.

[confused79]

Definatley, oh yeah i took him back just the once.
And we finished then i realised he was at it again by this time it went over my head cos id had enough anyway.

Think Mr.Foz really should not give her a another chance she seems a proper serial cheater, he deserves better, for his own self worth at least.

[4getmenot]

exactly :-)

[jackthehat]

I sincerely believe that there isn't quite enough information for us all to give you the definitive answer.
1. Do you live together ?
2. Are there children ?
3. Is there a pattern to her cheating ?
4. Do you believe that your life would be worse for her not to be in it ?
5. Can you put your hand on your heart and state that you give her no cause ?

[Reverandfunk]

A leopard never changes its spots. If someone can cheat on you once they can do it 20 times.

Lying about it as well aint good, I think a one night stand may be forgiveable but an affair? No way.

Pack your bags or hers mate.

[confused79]

Johnthehat.
Just a thought, even if he gave her a cause to do it, what is the point being in a relationship when one is cheating, she may say something i cheated because of .....???, it still does not give that person a excuse to be able to think ok ill cheat cos of this, if she is a decent person and there is a problem in the relationship, she should speak to him about it, not be weak and go and cheat.

[confused79]

i called you johnthehat lol sorry jackthehat!

[jackthehat]

I asked my questions because;
1. If they don't live together, he should just kick her the the kerb....their lives won't be so entangled as to make the split harder.
2. Children in a relationship will complicate the break-up.
3. Does she go out clubbing, drink too much and end up 'copping off'..............things she wouldn't do sober.
4. If life without her is too difficult to contemplate then only he can decide which way to jump.........
5. Does his behaviour undermine her in some way...........so that she seeks 'comfort' elsewhere........?
As I said, there isn't sufficient information to give either a 'dump her' or 'stay' answer.

[4getmenot]

1. Living togather does make it worse but still no reason to stay with a cheater
2. Children should not grow up in arelationship like that
3. Drink is no excuse, you cant keep her in
4. It hardly sounds like hearts and flowers at the moment
5. Probably not but no-one deserves to be cheated on

You know what I think we're all just talking to ourselves here :-)

[confused79]

Seems that way to be honest!!! ;-)

[jackthehat]

1a). I had a relationship in which I lived with 'my' cheater............break-up was very difficult. (3 years)
1b). I had a relationship in which 'my' cheater lived separately.......break-up hurt but was far cleaner. (3 years)
2). Children want continuity and consistency.........they won't be aware of the situation unless they are made aware........if this relationship is salvagable before it starts affecting the children then the 'grown-ups' owe it to the children to try (but not indefinitely, I agree).
3). If she is committed to the relationship, stopping drinking IS a sign of that committment.
4). The relationship IS making him very sad............would he be sadder to continue, or to leave ?
5). If he can identify areas in which he can change (if THIS is a problem) he might be able to strengthen the relationship............if he has a clear conscience then despite his best efforts it probably IS time to call it a day.