Grrr.... Im so mad!

[Goodsoulette]

�30 quid, thats all I asked him for. A one off payment not even regular maintenance. In one year I have had 45 quid off him. Thats it. His excuse is it costs a lot to come and see them, hes seen them twice since he moved to Birmingham in May. He says he wants to help his kids but because of all this and having debts to pay off (which total about 200 quid a month) he feels like I am backing him into a corner. He's not poor. Why cant he see he has to pay me a little bit. I mean nappies in the last year have probably cost me 600 quid. Yet he has bought maybe 2 packs. What can I do to get him to give us a tiny little bit of money? If I take him to the CSA he will proper kick off.

[sense4all]

You have my sympathy ... I had a mate who used to 'suffer' similarly ...what can you do except seeth and hide the sharp objects before he visits? lol.

[mccfluff]

take him to the csa and let him kick off, i'm sorry but kids come first if he can't understand that then you have to do whatever you can. i'm not the world's biggest fan of kids but i really belive if you have them then you shouldn't shirk your responsibilties, prob easy for me to say but its how i feel!

[Petal~flower]

Goodsoulette, I get payments from my childrens father. But its never enough to actually really help towards their upbringing. But I always consider myself lucky. As a lot of women, like yourself get nothing.

You should try CSA, if he wont give you anything. You have nothing to lose. He should be paying towards his children.

[shanx]

think there is a little bit more to this that you are not saying about, come on be honest hes not realy that bad, and there are not that meany millionairs about,he is probably struggling as much as you

[legend760]

goody if ur on benefits then anything he pays to the csa you prob wont see.
that happened with my exwife
i was giving her cash .
she didnt tell csa.
when they approached me for money
she had to pay all the cash i gave her back
.

oh

cos id got receipts for it.

[shanx]

petal if you want your ex to pay for fathers that dont support there children then go to the cpa but you wont see a penney off it,at the end of the day you your ex and your children will lose out,you need to work together and leave all the bitterness behind

[Petal~flower]

Sorry shanx, was I being bitter? I thought I was being helpful.

[sense4all]

The problem is the disparity between the amounts that people think small children can be brought up on and the actual amount involved. When you split and the primary carer is losing all the sleep and doing all the donkey work , a realistic financial contribution should be offered, no one wants to have to continually ask for cash, it taints visits for the person who has to ask too! Infact I have girlfriends who just don't bother to ask because they would have to employ forensic accountant to unearth the dough. Goody has a fair point, we could all run up debts and then plead poverty. It'snot a simple issue and knowing that CSA buffons are likely to help doesn't make it ok for the other half to avoid their obligation.

[shanx]

no please dont apologise,i am just saying to you going to the cps is not going to work ,i think your ex is trying to say to you that he dont mind paying for his own children,but why should he pay for others children , he is not trying to rip you off believe me

[sense4all]

CSA child support agency
CPS Crown Prosecution Service lol

[legend760]

csa child support agency


cps crown prosecution service



oooops

[legend760]

clever treverrrrrr

[Petal~flower]

shanx. And not taking this thread away from Goodsoulette. My ex husband and I did not use CSA. We agreed a payment. Which as stayed the same for 9 years.

But like I said before, I am lucky compared to a lot of women.

[shanx]

there are a lot of fathers that shun responsability of there children,but if you have ine that is prepared to face up to it, i say hug him not meany will even take the time

[sense4all]

Actually I do not believe that Mothers should be grateful for any little crumb that is given to them ... something is not better than nothing, if it is not a realistic amount. That is just insulting.

[Goodsoulette]

Hoorah! Just got off the phone and I have got 40 quid coming to me. HE admitted he was just being bitter and agreed to send us some money.

For the record though, I would have gotten the actual cash as I havent been on benefits.

In all fairness given both situations, I would rather be poor than not my have my kids.

[Petal~flower]

I agree with you sense4all. But that is how we are made to feel. When I went to for a lone parent meeting once, and they took into the calculations of how much I had coming in. When I told them I received maintenance. I was actually told by one of their advisors that I was very lucky!

[shanx]

ok sense oops, slapped wrist for shanks,naughty, naughty ,you will write one hundred lines lol, i will not get my s and ps mixed up lol

[bowiefreak]

why is he not paying regular maintenance for your child? you should not have to beg off him you have my sympathy but you must get hardend to it wether he kicks off or not report him to the CSA

[Reverandfunk]

Soulette I fully sympathise and as a bloke I think he is bang out of order. I havent got kids but a man who doesnt care for his kids is no man at all.

I have one question though, was he like this before the kids were born? i.e., stingy, uniterested etc?