Is it normal to avoid people............

[HJT40]

when you know they have so much to tell you, but you just aren't in the right frame of mind to listen? I am feeling like this with someone who has, it seems, taken over a good bit of my life in the last year. I know if I don't give the right response or reaction it will cause problems. I guess I feel very low and want to hide away, I just don't have the energy to react in a way that is expected . Is it just me or do others feel like it too?

[4getmenot]

If you arent in the mood you arent in the mood

[cyanide]

No,its not just you.I know exactly how you feel,a friend of mine has left her boyfriend(he was an a*******!)and i`ve told her she`s done the right thing.....so why the hell did she want my advice,she`s been bleating on about him like he`s gods gift and i`m sick of it.She called at my house before and i`m afraid that i didn`t answer the door to her,i couldn`t be doing with it,she takes all my energy then goes home saying "oh,thanks for that,i feel really positive now" and i`m left feeling like a deflated football.LOL.So,no take time out and be kind to yourself. :)

[Pippa68]

I do it all the time. Which is why I have caller ID!

[China Doll]

I got told off by a mate last night because I've apparently stopped saying 'goodbye' and it's been commented on and noticed.

I had to explain that sometimes I just have to go. 'Their words mostly noises, ghosts with just voices' sums it up pretty well for me on the times when I have to just leave.

So no, it doesn't just happen to you.

If this person is taking over too much of your life just don't answer the phone or see them for a while. Unless you particulary want to keep their friendship or need their support in which case just call them and let them know you need some quiet time and you'll catch up with them soon.

Good luck.

[HJT40]

Thanks, at least I know I am not alone. I have just spent the last two years hearing about her relationship, wedding, honeymoon etc and while I am honestly pleased for her I need a break! I know it will be the wedding photos and honeymoon photos soon, followed by pregnancy............it is as if it is all mapped out urgh!!! ;-)

[HJT40]

China Doll you have sort of hit it on the head. I had a bad day and phoned her for support and then she felt she had to tell me why she was quiet when I phoned her and it is noted if I don't do things "properly" or don't ask how she is. Her opinion is always right and although she has no children she feels free to comment on how I bring mine up on my own! Sorry, rant over!

[4getmenot]

sometimes you just want time on your own and nothing to do with the mate. I get annoyed if you are honest with someone and they ask you round and you say 'Nah I;m just gonna stay in on my own tonight' and then they get snotty and think they've done something

[Octavius]

No you are not alone. Sometimes it is easier to ignore something but it rarely goes away and you will have to deal with it at some point. So take the bull by the horns.

If this person has drained your energy over the past year, and now you are feeling despondent, isn�t about time they provided the shoulder for you to lean on? Rather than avoiding, which is of course easy to do but in itself creates more problems, why not explain to the friend that you have things going on in your life that need focussing on and you would appreciate some help or advice, or even a boost. Let them be the listener for a change.

If they cannot be that person, or provide that support to you, then they are best avoided in future anyway. Companionship works both ways.

[pussnboots]

I know exactly what you mean I had a neighbour who often came to my house for a coffee and a chat but the conversation was always about her husband, her kids, her job etc. and my head would ache with it all. She fell out with me 2 years ago, I still don't know why perhaps she started to notice me yawning. Another annoying thing, I know someone who constantly interupts when I am telling them a tale about something that has happened. They have always had it worse or better, always know someone better, had experiences better or worse. If I'm going on holiday they have always already been and they didn't like it
I could go on but I think you get the gist.

[cyanide]

^^^Yep,i know the same person.LOL :)

[HJT40]

Thank you all, it's nice to know others feel the same!

:-)

[Sasha13]

Interesting one.

I think it's worth thinking about whether you avoid all conflict or whether it is just this one situation.

If you're the sort of person who avoids conflict in general it may be worth thinking about why as sometimes it will be you who comes off worst.

If it is just this one situation I think it's totally 'normal' and I wouldn't worry about it too much.

[HJT40]

I guess I am generally one for avoiding confrontation. But in this particular case the one time I did make it known that I was not happy being talked to like a 5 year old with learning disabilities I received a text saying that I had no right to speak to her like that!

However, I am bad at telling someone if they have said or done something to upset me. Perhaps I need to be more assertive?

[neo.]

I avoid people all the time so I dont have to make small talk