no sex drive.

[shady_jady]

Hi guys,

I was wondering if anyone has any ideas to improve my sex drive? My boyfriend and I have been together 2 years in December (it's the same boyfriend from my earlier posts. He has done ALOT of apologising, cooking me meals, flowers etc and has stopped talking to this 'female best friend' of his), and lately I have no sex drive at all. I'm under a lot of pressure at work (single- handedly running the business, as my colleague has just gone to university and the boss is in the process of moving the business up north, so is never here). And I am also being made redundent in the next 2 or 3 weeks. With Christmas looming and the prospect of being unemployed, you can understand the stress I am under! Every night he tries to instigate sex, and the thought of it just doesn't appeal to me. By the time I get into bed, I just want to sleep. It's starting to cause arguments as he thinks I don't love him anymore and feels rejected. I have tried to explain that I'm just 'not in the mood' (that old chestnut), but it's not really working. Anyone have any ideas to improve this situation?

Thanks!

[4GS]

It's understandable you are not in the mood with the ammount of stress you're under.

[donegal]

try anal

[idly_enjoys]

Get him to talk about what stresses him out (does he have any work problems?) to put him off, he will think you are caring.

[sarnieken]

By the sounds of it, on wonder you aren't 100% up for it at the moment!
Your man should be understanding of your feelings and see to himself if you don't feel like it.
Yes, I'm a guy and yes, I should be telling you to stop being selfish etc, yadayadayada.

however, My g/f is currently pregnant and our previously healthy sex life is now a once a week occurence. She's tired 24/7, lacks confidence with her appearance and thinks I shouldn't find someone so 'fat & hideous' sexy. (Her words, not mine).

When we do manage to 'do it' I make sure she is relaxed, a warm bath, massage and that usually does the trick.
If you want to have sex with your man, try to relax first. It should never be pressured or rushed as you will never enjoy it.
Also, think about the things that turn you on and get your man to do them for you.
If your guy still gives you stress over not wanting sex then kick his a*se into touch as he obviously has no thoughts for anything other than his libido.

[shady_jady]

He says he understands, but his main issue is that he needs constant reassurance that I love him. It's quite endearing in a way, but also a bit of an annoyance. I guess I should sit him down and explain that I haven't 'gone off' him and that things will be better once I have a secure job again (fingers crossed!).

[4GS]

He needs constant assurance that you love him and he see's sex as love? It's one of many ways that love can be expressed, there are others ways you can show him you love him without having sex every night.

[sarnieken]

Can't believe I'm saying this but Here, here 4GS.

Yes, the first thing a guy will think if his lady isn't up for it i that she doesn't love him, doesn't find him sexy any more etc.

If you've told him the reasons for it then he needs to get over it. You have enough to deal with at the moment.

[Solarjunkie]

I read about a similar situation a while back and the suggestion was to make room in your schedule by making an appointment with each other! Yes really, so he knows he doesn't have to wait till next year and you know that Tuesday evening he will pour a glass of wine while you have a soothing bath. If you both make a bit of effort for the others benefit, whether or not you feel like it, it will remind you both how good it is to be next to the one you love.May be corny, but it could help! Good luck.

[chicklin]

I think you are far too stressed to be in the mood for sex while things are this hectic in your work life...but can you cast your mind back to how you used to feel about him before?...can you remember how much he used to excite you? do you really want to have that feeling of closeness back? If you do, then you have to make an effort to meet him halfway. Try to put yourself in his position, if you were wanting sex to reassure you that he still loved you and found you attractive, how would it make you feel if he said he wasn't in the mood? - wouldn't you feel rejected? would you wonder if he still loved you?
If a person is feeling even a bit unsure of their partners strength of feeling for them, initiating sex and getting a positive response from their partner is a great boost to their confidence in the bond between you both.
I think it will be worthwhile making the effort. Even if you don't think you're in the mood, this can come back as you go along with it and get carried away!....try to relax and remember what you found attractive about him in the first place....think about a time when you DID want to do it and hopefully you'll recapture the feelings that you had then.
I think you both have needs that both need to be met and so you have to talk and come to a compromise that suits the two of you . You both have to have sympathy for the others feelings and needs.