Pain - How Do You Help Somebody You Love Who Lives With Day To day Pain?

[Theland]

It's not my pain. It's not your pain. It's THEIR pain. Sohow do we cope with THEIR pain?
We can't suffer for them, only empathise to some degree. But they are the ones doing the suffering. I'm so bloody mad at it all!
It's cracking me up!

[888sally888]

Is this pain physical or emotional?

[naomi24]

Theland, I'm so sorry. Can you tell us a bit more?

[devil99]

ask their doctor to refer them to a pain clinic at the local hospital.

[naomi24]

Theland, is this your son?

[lily-lady]

OOOOOO....Very cryptic!!!!!!! What do you expect us to say or do if you post half a story?

[Theland]

Yes, my son. And its so awful to be so bloody useless,

[Theland]

Sorry to have spoken in such an emotional way, that is not my way normally. It has passed.
I'm O.K. now, I guess hitting the keyboard really hard helped a bit. Sorry.

[lily-lady]

Sorry....obviously a private conversation!!!!

[Theland]

lily-lady - how inconsiderate of me. no, not private, you're comments are really most welcome. Thank you.

[lily-lady]

Sorry....can't comment....don't have a scooby what's going on!!!!! Be therefor them?

[Theland]

Lily -lady - For the past seven years I have seen my son in pain and gone through four operations, and he is brave, and I am not.
It is his pain, and I suppose I just want to say something, or do something, anything, to make him feel better, about the pain, about himself.
I wish it were me and not him.

[naomi24]

But you're not useless, are you Theland? In circumstances like this you can do no more than be there for him - and ask yourself what he would do without you? We do suffer for our loved ones, and if we could take their pain away, or share it with them, we would, but unfortunately we can't. We just have to be strong for them and help them in the best way we can. If we allow ourselves to crack up under the strain, it doesn't help them does it? I know you're frustrated - it's terrible for you to watch him suffer, and I am so very sorry for him and you, but you're obviously a loving father and you do your very best - I know it - and no one can ask for, or expect, more than that. Please don't beat yourself up - you don't deserve it. Think about it - you will cope - you always do, don't you? If it helps to talk, I'll always listen, dear Theland. xx

[lily-lady]

Ah,,,,,but you are the mother!!!! Where do you think he got his strength from? YOU!!!! Doesn't that say it all? Now the harsh bit.......stop feeling sorry for him and yourself!!!! You've got him this far and btw if you break....he will!!!

lily
sorry didn't mean to take so long to reply....phone rang!

[lily-lady]

just realised you could be the father!!!! Same difference!!!!

[Theland]

Naomi - I love my son, and your words are so full of love and compassion, thank you.
I know I have made a bit of a fool of myself, but sometimes it just gets to me.
But, I am being discourteous to other posters, so to them I will ask, "How do you handle this sitation when it affects you?"

[naomi24]

Theland, you haven't made a fool of yourself. You're a human being with a kind and loving heart that is hurting, that's all.

[Theland]

Oh it does hurt, Naomi. Thank you.

[VillageVicar]

Good morning Theland: You and I share some common denominators. We�re both parents and from what I�ve deduced from your threads, I�ve gathered that you work with people whose cumulative lives have been nothing but tragedy, sorrow and suffering.

An experienced mother once told me that she reckoned she�d had her appendix out four times; Once for herself and once for each of her children. Such is the power of empathy, the power of compassionate imagination you can so identify with someone you love that you feel the pain yourself.

In my own life, I too am caught in that often swirling sense of helplessness in watching the innocent suffer. Not only do I have difficulty shaking my own searing pain in watching the children in our home in Moldova, but I have my deep personal razor cutting pain here at home, in watching my son so valiantly endure his pain through his surgeries and healing following his vicious, unprovoked attack.

http://bigworldsmallboat.blogspot.com/search?q =when+violence+touches+your+own

From a parent�s perspective, there is no way we can escape sharing the pain of our children. And nor should we! It is within that incalculable bond of love that we long to take away anything that brings pain to our children.

Continued:

[VillageVicar]

Part 2

Theland, from parent-to-parent, I can only offer you what I have done with both of my children: You be there with them, you embrace them, you touch them, you talk with them. Those three acts become part of the larger embracing arms that reinforce that powerful message of love. Your son will feel it, he will escape into it, and we will heal from it.

And when you feel the need to cry out yourself, please do this. It�s an important part of our human healing, not only physically, but emotionally and spiritually as well.

Please, Theland, do you mind sharing your son�s first name with me (us), as I shall include him in my own intercessions.

And I shall hold you in my thoughts and prayers as well

Fr Bill

http://anglicans.blogspot.com/2005/12/look-bot h-ways.html

[peppy]

My heart goes out to you Theland, am sobbing me head off for you now, really. Not good with words in these situations ,wish I was. Just hope you get the support you need and deserve.
I would sooner suffer myself than watch someone else in pain so I know you must be going through hell as it's your son. Don't think I could cope with that one .
Wishing the very best for you Theland x x