Pain - How Do You Help Somebody You Love Who Lives With Day To day Pain?

[Theland]

It's not my pain. It's not your pain. It's THEIR pain. Sohow do we cope with THEIR pain?
We can't suffer for them, only empathise to some degree. But they are the ones doing the suffering. I'm so bloody mad at it all!
It's cracking me up!

[cameo]

I am in a similiar situation to you, though i doubt it is as bad.
My husband is disabled and lives with constant pain. He is only 46 and has been like this for many years.
Sometimes he copes ok but at other times it is extremely difficult for him, and me.
I love him dearly and as his carer am always there to help him in any way I can. Sometimes that means just being with him.
I understand how frustrating it can be and often feel that life is so unfair to him and me. When I get these feelings about
myself i feel guilty for 'moaning', i mean I'm not the one with the pain.
i have learnt that it's ok to feel sorry for yourself from time to time, I believe that when you live with something like this It's only natural, but I don't let him see this. Occasionaly I need to let off some steam about it all and how useless I feel. At times like this I have a chat with a close friend of mine, just to get it off my chest. Even though I think I don't really help him manage with his pain he often tells me that he couldn't cope without me. I'm sure your son probably feels the same way.
All the best to you both. x

[China Doll]

I feel for you I really do.

When someone we love is in pain of course we want to take it away from them. It's a way of expressing love albeit a rather distressing way.

Your son is suffering and needs you to be strong. Find somewhere/one else to vent your feelings of frustration and sadness for him because you can't be strong for him if you don't have an outlet for your own pain too.

You have your faith too, so use it. It's a tool as well as a belief and it might bring your some comfort.

Chin up.

[smudge]

Hi Theland - I'm really sorry to hear about your son & anyone else with similar problems. It's nice to know you can vent your feelings on AB & that we are always here for you. Take care. -x-

Hi Village Vicar - Fr Bill, I was absolutely horrified to read what happened to your son & hope to God that any problems arising from the vicious attack on him will pass in time. Take care. -x-

[ruby27]

The Land
Sometimes life is so hard to understand. Sometimes I wonder if my family has been cursed because of the suffering we have experienced, then I reflect we have been blessed to have had such a wonderful experience of love. I think from the way you present from here, you have been blessed by an abundance of love.

[Theland]

Village Vicar - His name is George.
His problems are put into perspective when I read about the terrible attack on your son.

Thank you all for your supportive messages.
Posting on here is very therapeutic.

[naomi24]

Evening Theland, hope you're feeling better tonight. x

[ruby27]

Actually I have dealt with their pain by murdering them

[VillageVicar]

Theland: Thank you for sharing your son�s name. I have included him in my Compline this evening and I shall include him (and you) in Mass tomorrow.

Each surgery my son has endured, each time I watched him writhe in agony, I felt my heart was ripping open. And the pain has been compounded in watching my daughter despair over his suffering. These emotions are possibly similar to those you�re experiencing.

May I offer a thought, which I find has a lasting impact on those I serve. When your son is in pain, gently massage his feet. If that is not possible, then perhaps his hands or temple. But use your hands to convey your care. And whilst you massage his feet, talk to him. Help guide his thoughts away from the pain using steady, calming words.

He will feel the pain subside and so will you. That connectivity will help you both and it will lift him when he needs help most.

Theland, it will lift you as well.

You are in my thoughts and prayers

Fr Bill

[Theland]

Thank you all.
Yes, I do feel much better about things this evening, apart from having to look forward to getting up early for work tomorrow of course!
Still, the extra hour in bed is a welcome gift.

[naomi24]

Do you always work nights, Theland? How many shifts do you do a week?

[naomi24]

Quick rewind. That was a stupid question. If you're getting up early for work tomorrow, obviously you don't always work nights!! Time for bed perhaps. The vino collapso has taken its toll.