Guilt....who else feels it?

[Petal~flower]

God its hard.

A lone parent, not going to work, is labelled as a drain on the tax payers.

So then you get a job. (jobs do not always work within school time) remember!

So then you feel guilty about the juggling your work with the children.

Women can never win huh!

P.s I love my new job.... but the guilt is always there.

Anyone in same postion?

[hau kola]

Hi Petal,i stayed at home until my daughter went to school then i got a job at a school.Win win situation.

[Petal~flower]

hiya kola, I did that also, but my childrens ages are from 17 to 9. I can trust the oldest ones to look after the youngest, but feel sorry for the little ones when I am working late (7 or 8 in evenings)

[hau kola]

What sort of work do you do?

[raysparx1]

Hi Petal, being a bloke I have never been in the position you are in, but can understand what you are saying, it can't be easy trying to juggle the job and doing everything for the kids, but you got to get rid of the guilt, you are obviously a good mum who cares about her children, all you can ever do is your best, so keep smiling and enjoy the job,

I owe you an e-mail, will do it real soon, not been on computer for a few weeks, take care and stay happy, Ray xx

[Petal~flower]

just got back into retail, after doing office work. So hours are longer. Especially at Christmas time.

[Louisa 69]

Hi petal, how are you ?
I'm lucky that i only work until 3.30 so i'm there for my wee boy every night. Before that i was very much like yourself working until 8 at night, and having to rely on family members picking him up from the childminder, and i also felt guilty.

[hau kola]

Like ray says,no need to feel guilty.Just make sure you have some quality time with the kids.Take them out for tea or the pictures.You go to work all week,its the fun times that make it worth while.

[Ice-Maiden]

I think the choice to work when you have children is a personal one, and if you can find a job where the hours work out well for both parties, that's fine, but too many people seem to put money before their families these days. I have friends who've farmed their kids out from cradle to leaving school, and really don't see the point in having them if you're too tired to give them time and attention when you get home after a hard day at work. My personal opinion is that it's better to have less, and be there for them, than to try and juggle bringing up a family, running a home AND going out to work, but material possessions seem to come high on the agenda for people these days.

[Petal~flower]

aw hello Ray xxx... Yes I am now thinking about me. Have put my children first always. Oldest is 17, so quite a while. In fact I put the children before me ALL the time. I just feel guilty for the youngest.


Ray, you have been missed here. Thankyou for replying. xxxx

[Petal~flower]

Hi Louisa. am fine thanks, you OK? xx

Ice-maiden, well, I didnt work for a long time when I my children were small. as I had such a big age group. I separated from my husband when I was still pregnant with my youngest, who is now 9. But I worked before, within school times.

Now got a new job in retail, where its so much harder.

I have never put materialistic things before my children. But tired of the label of scronging single mum.........plus working is good for me and my kids.

Its just juggling it around. I find hard

[Ice-Maiden]

Yes - I have the utmost admiration for any woman who manages as you have. I can understand you not wishing to be labelled as a scrounging single mum, but not all lone parents are bad parents, and I think the government should cut benefits by way of paying women in this position. They deserve a decent wage for doing a decent job, and they'd also be paying tax and insurance - thus feeling better about themselves.

[Petal~flower]

I agree Ice-maiden.

Working for me and my children, gives me so much self esteem.

But the guilt is there......guess we cant win huh x

[hau kola]

It`ll pass Petal.Working will bring rewards for you and yours.

[Ice-Maiden]

Materially, maybe - but at what cost? I can understand how Petal feels, but feel sure that she's doing what she believes in right for herself and her children. There are no rights or wrongs with this debate - it's how each of us sees the situation.

[hau kola]

Im not gettin into a debate tonight,got my own problems to deal with.Im just tryin to tell Petal that it`ll work out in the end.

[wolf63]

I think that no matter what you do somebody will criticise you. The only important thing is your children.

I know women who work full-time, some work part-time, some work term-time, work from home etc etc. They each do what suits their family commitments.

I don't have any human children (two cats) but I have to admire the ability of parents to juggle work and home life. It can't be easy - but I am sure that it is worth it.

[Ice-Maiden]

I agree with Wolf - and yes HK - I also hope that things'll work out fine for Petal Flower. I'm not on here to get into a frenzied debate - merely giving an opinion like everyone else.

[hau kola]

Soz Icy,didnt mean you were.Im sure Petal will be fine.She certainly loves her kids and is doing everything she can for them.

[Ice-Maiden]

Indeed. I also think that you did well HK, to wait until your own children were at school before returning to work. I'm fortunate enough not to have to go out to work, as such, but the thought of leaving my children with someone else never entered my head. Some parents must feel awful, being stuck with this choice, and I wish them ALL the very best.

[hau kola]

I worked as a childminder,looked after kids after school,it worked well.