Do I have to invite my sister to my wedding?

[haha]

I am engaged to a man my family has never met because I met him while living abroad. We plan to marry here in the States. Although not a problem for us and most of my family, my sister and her husband are "disgusted" by my fiance because he is twice my age. My boyfriend and I share a beautiful and healthy relationship, we are very self-aware, and we are not melodramatic or mean people. My sister and her husband are quite dramatic, love to poke fun at people, and make rude sarcastic jokes. The truth is, although I love them and I know they are good people on the inside, on the outside they make me uncomfortable. Having had them already reject and insult my fiance I dont see the point of inviting them to our wedding. I plan for it to be a very small occasion in the first place and their rude comments and jokes will be welcome. I am not trying to be a self-centered bride who wants the whole day to revolve around her, I just want me to be able to celebrate my day with the man I love surrounded by supportive and caring people. My family is very close and the idea of not inviting her would seem horrible and might cause some uproar. However, I really would feel better without them there. What to do?

[haha]

I meant to say that their comments will be UNwelcolmed :) But maybe that was obivous.

[jakesi]

Im not going to rant on about your sister but basically its YOUR life and your day and if they can't except that then thats there problem, I would invite her but if she causes any problems she would be the only one looking stupid if she causes any trouble and because not everyone will have her views and dont forget everyone loves a wedding. Good luck.

[thekraut]

I think not inviting your own sister to your wedding is a very harsh way of telling them to basically ******** - even if their comments are rude and they don't like your bf in the first place. So that's not really an option unless you are willing to permanently cut off all connections to your sister. what you can do, though, is telling her that you would really appreciate her not being rude towards your bf, at least on this one occasion. and you can be frank and tell them that otherwise you wouldn't want them to come.

[woofgang]

well if they have already rejected and insulted your bf, you could talk to them about it and say as nicely as you can that you are assuming that as they disapprove of the marriage,therefore they will not wish to attend the wedding celebrations? If they say no, that's fine, if they say yes, then stillas nicely as you can request them to keep thir views to themselves for just tht one day in the interests of family happiness

[woofgang]

sorry, hit the wrong button, last piece of advice is to have this conversation witnessed by a disinterested third party or family member who can then testify as to how pleasant and reasonable you were and how your sister and partner behaved!!

[FTVS]

I had a similar situation having not spoken to my brother for four years prior to my wedding. I have to admit, that inviting him DID end in tears for me as he and his wife and my nephew, did not turn up to the reception and it was all quite upsetting. However I know now that I did everything I could. However had I not invited them, they would certainly have held this against me and i would have always felt that perhaps they had a point. I think you have invite and ask your parents to keep an eye on her and encoyrage a sensible attitude. Who knows, she may not accept!

[tartanwiz]

I think you should invite her, then at least she can't say she wasn't invited. She might not go, in which case fine, and if she does go she'll hopefully keep her 'disgust' to herself.

[Miss Zippy]

People who behave like your sister and brother in law are generally insecure/jealous/feel threatened. So pity them, smile sweetly and invite them and show them that their behaviour is having absolutely no effect on you. Flaunt your happiness in their faces! Difficult I know, but that is sometimes the best way to deal with such people. If you don't invite them, this will just serve to give them the attention they want as the talk of the day will be "why aren't they here?" rather than the focus being on you and your sister will play the "poor me, being shunned by my sister" card.

[kags]

Yes, your wedding is your day, and you have the right to choose whatever makes you happy on your special day, BUT I don't believe not inviting your sister and her husband would truly make you happy on the day. Plus, it could create a rift between yourself and your family that could take many years to heal. As has been suggested by woofgang, maybe you could talk to your sister, tell her you love her and want your family at your wedding, but ask her (politely) to keep her mouth shut for one day, and smile. Alternatively, if you can't talk to her like this, invite her anyway and just set your mind on having a completely fabulous day, that nobody can spoil. Then you can settle into married life knowing that you were the bigger person, and your happiness will speak for itself.

[vittoria]

A couple more suggestions: if you have one or two friends who are really diplomatic, tactful and trustworthy (such people are rare) you could sit them next to your sister and brother in law, on hand to defuse situations, steer awkward conversations onto safe ground etc. Another scenario, if your wedding is to be very small, is to keep it very small indeed - just parents/best man & similar, and then invite your sister & brother in law to a celebratory dinner or cocktail party or BBQ etc. on your return from your honeymoon. That way, even if they spoil the dinner, at least they will not have spoilt the actual wedding.

[bossuk]

tell ur sister that this is the man u love and if she cant except that than that is up to her. invite her anyway and slap down the rules, if she cant say anything nice then dont say anything at all.

[norfolk boy]

It's your day and i would personally say don't invite them.I went through the same type of problem due to people being devorced,and to be truthful you're more worried about keeping peace and harmony ,that you won't enjoy your day

[haha]

This is haha. I loved all of your advice and it really helped ( I love you answerbank-friends!) I will invite them, and I will talk to my sister and her h. and then just hope for the best. I also must remember that their rudesness is reflected in them and not in me or my bf .

[blakeyz]

I had the same problem last year when it was my husbands 40th.My sister and her partner too are embarrassing to say the least and always seemed to ruin whatever event they came to.I took my closest family to one side and explained how we felt about them and all the hard work that had gone into planning the event.I told them that we wanted it to be a night that they would remember as well as us.They came round to it after a few words and were glad in the end.Your wedding day is the most precious day in your life and one you don't intend to repeat (hopefully)and so this day should be all about what YOU want.

[Hellion]

I'd only re-iterate all the advice already given. If all else fails do as my brother and sisiet in law did, only invied myself and my husband - to act as witnesses. that way everyone was equally as offended. They had a 'reception' a fortnight later and everyone -realising how awfully they'd all behaved- came and were on their best behaviour.Remember it's the day two people commit themselves to each other, what the rest of the family feel about it is entirely up to them.