selling your soul

[reception]

I sold my soul to the devil 30 years ago ha ha when I agreed to marry someone I don,t know. after many years of abuse and tourture by this man I deceided not to talk to him but still lived with him for my childern's sake so that they could have a roof over their head and a secure home.... after 30 years I am still with this man liveing in the same house but I have not spoken to him for 15 years. I live for my childern who are now grown up. It was all worth it. My kids are educated smart and very clevor my girl is now a top lawer and my son ( who got in to little bit of trouble with his girlffriend once only) is working for the government and me I am still me... I have my sad moments and my very happy moments. IT WAS ALL WORTH SELLING YOUR SOUL TO THE DEVIL. BTY the devil still is crule and evil, one day I will leave him but not untill I am sure that every thing is secure

[Aprilis]

Reception, I'm glad that it all worked out for you where your children are concerned but what about you? You have sacrificed your personal happiness for all these years, isn't it now time to live life for yourself? Take steps to gain the security you say you need and then get out there and live life. You will no doubt wish you had done it years ago.

I hope you do find happiness.

[cazzz1975]

there is nothing holding you back except you, your children have grown up and moved on, what things exactly do you need to be secure for you to leave??

I suspect you will never leave

[Quoi]

Reception - That is the saddest story - I hope the love from your children will see you through whatever comes next for you. Good luck

[Pippa68]

I am sure reception has posted about this before ~ asking advice as to how or when to leave.

I believe I said she was a little late, and that she should say ''To hell'' with the house and start a new life elsewhere.

Anything has to be better than this...

[reception]

Quoi,Aprilis,cazzz1975 Your all too kind. Its not realy sad I have done what I had to as a mother as a parent. I won.
I have make sure that my house ( my half) goes to my childern when I die. I will never let him have any of it.
He broke my heart and my soul and hated the childern. He never spoke to them for nearly 15 years.

I worked hard and paid the bills and morgage. I have to see this through.
I am very strong
I have no other man I love.
I live for my childern and I will die for them aswell.
Please be happy for me. I won the war but lost many battles.
who cares about me any way I am one person in this great big planet I ahave lived my life these young people have'nt they need help and support in this crule world

[Pippa68]

I am sure the biggest gift you can give your children is to move on. Surely that is the greatest gift..seeing their mother happy?

You have strived to make your childrens lives the best possible in adverse situations. Nobody would think ill of you for starting your life afresh, reception.

Life is for living ~ your kids are doing that, thanks to you. Now it is YOUR time.

[cazzz1975]

why do they need half the house, surely you can bequeath half your property in your will to your children?

Like pippa said, your children would want to think of you suffering and being unhappy, they would help you start afresh. why do you need to martyr yourself when there is no need?

I would hate to think of my mom being miserable and unhappy, would you like to see your children unhappy and miserable when it is so unnecessary?

[funnygirl]

I am sure your children know how you're feeling and are aware of the situation. They would want for you to be happy.
Don't wait until everything is secure, go now and buy back your soul!
Starting again from scratch can be fun and will make you stronger. Try and break free.

Have yourself a merry xmas Reception.

[Pippa68]

I did forget to say that your kids may well feel tremendous guilt if you carry on in this situation ~ after all they are grown up now, and may feel as if it is their fault you have had such an awful life.

Get a new one and give validity to the sacrifices you made.

Just a thought...

[China Doll]

You sound like you enjoy playing the martyr actually. I suspect if you wanted out of this you could get out but perhaps your identity has slipped a bit with the situation. Hence, you enjoy the martyr side of it.

[raysparx1]

Hello reception, you say you paid the bills and the mortgage and you are strong, so if this is the case, tell him how you feel you obviously don't need this prat in life or are you a little bit scared to be on your own? maybe it is the thought of being alone that stops you, but you will never be happy unless you do something about the situation you are in, better to be on your own and happy than live with somebody you don't love, your children are grown, so what better time to fly free? good luck to you, I wish you happiness and hopefully somebody to come along and love you and care for you, take care and stay strong, Ray xx

[redcrx]

reception, as pippa says the best thing you can do is move on.

Your recent post on health suggests that this stress makes you physically ill so you have to do something for the sake of your kids!

congrats on your daughter being a top lawyer, i was under the impression, when she was asking all those Qs about her brothers situation that she was still a student.

Get away from this man, no one says you have to be in love with another man to be happy. You say you pay the bills and mortgage so you can afford your own place too. get out and get on with your life or you will find yourself posting this same post over and over again.

No-one deserves to live in a loveless relationship

[pussnboots]

I have had to re build my life twice in the past 40 years, my children have seen it all and even though things have been tough they are grown ups and know that I did my best for them. My daughter has had her own business and now studying law as a mature student, my son has two degrees and a Masters and earns mega bucks, I think you are making yourself a martyr, give your children more credit, they will want you now to be happy leave this man, there is a vast new world out there, do it before its too late.

[woodfellow]

I,m not sure who I feel sorry for.-Him for having you as his partner-or you for being a doormat.

[LOZZER1]

Leave him now and spend the rest of your life, your kids are now grown up and can help to return the favour and look after you, or just sell up and take your share and live the rest of your life happy,,,, but whatever you do...leave him NOW

[Shirl]

What a sad story.

Your children are grown up now and living their own lives. Successful ones too. So now you are waiting for things to be secure?

Who knows whats round the corner. Not sure by reading your post, whether you are using the children as an excuse not to leave. Maybe you are scared to.

But to live with someone and not spoken to them for 15 years is unbelievable.

Go out and live your life. Take a gamble. Your kids will be alright.

[Scarlett]

This is SO common though, women still staying with abusive men for the sake of the children- my Mum being one of them. However, it is good that you say it was all worth it. But what about your life now? You have sacrificed a lot to bring your kids up, but don't you deserve another shot at happiness? Could you not just split up,sell the house and go your seperate ways? HE can't be happy either- so what's the point in staying together!?

[reception]

All of you have given me the advice that I already knew in my heart and should have done years ago. I am not trying to be a martyr. I did what I did because to be honest with you China Doll I am not a muslim. I am British born orginality is Africa reliegion well I pray in a church to Mary mother of God, and any other names people call God. So your wrong. My motto has been that in this fast moving bad socitety where childern have no chance for a good life, I wanted to help mine... afterall I brought them in to the world and I alone am responsible for seeing them through.
I see many many young kids on my road young as 10 drinking, smoking and even destroying the items that dont belong to them ( people's cars)
My kids have never done that, they both own their own properties and have new cars and good jobs. citizens that Uk would be proud of. thats what its all about.
But your all very correct I would like my own life and my own house and yes your all very correct I am afraid of the change, I am tied up with him for the house I live in because he aften says he will burn it rather then give it to me. what is one to do?
I know he ca not be happy too. but why would,nt he leave me?????

[China Doll]

I'm sorry but I see no connection between your religion and place of birth and me thinking you sound like you enjoy being a martyr bacause this may be how you have identified yourself in the situation you're in and what you're comfortable being.

Setting your children a good example as to their expectations in relationships is important too and I hope your children have not learnt from you in this respect. I would rather have a happy but divorced/seperated mother and father and I certainly would not have my mother unhappy out of some misplaced sense of duty to me.

[Drisgirl]

reception -when I see the strength that some have in escaping abusive relationships -with NO money NO job and relying on a refuge (often with very young children) - then i'm afraid I find it hard to reconcile that with your sel imposed plight.

You have made a rod for your own back here -there is absolutely nothing stopping you from now making a life for yourself-you have made your sacrifice to your children -dont let them now see that a womans role in life is to be downtrodden and weak -is that what you want for them?