anyone like me

[gigipop]

does anyone (please tell me they do) ever feel that you are totally useless, i dont know why i get out of bed half the time only to take my kids to school. i have no job, everything i do seems to turn to ****, i cook i clean - i cook and i clean thats me end of.....who am i and what am i doing here. i need somthing in my life and i dont know what?any suggestions.please!!!!!

[funkymoped]

HI GIGI.
i think most of us go throught the same feelings at some point.
im a bloke of 45. ive got 2 adult kids. ive never been out of work in the the last 29 years. i work and sleep. i feel i missed seeing my kids grow up. i now work 3 shifts and at the moment my life concists of little more than eating sleeping and work !!!
there are no magic wands for me to wave but im sure theres light at the end of the tunnel.
:-)

[mirela]

mine even worse i dont have kids to look after, only got a puppy to lookf after, i feel im even more useless.

[gigipop]

if i could be arsed going to the gym i would but its just not me and i cant bear my doctor i never go for anything. i am looking tirelessly for a part time job but its like looking for gold, im not fussy id do anything, im probs my own worst enemy i dont know, my kids have been my life for the past 16 years and now im lost. im not the most confident person but i do gel very well, oh i think im just ****** right off. thanks for your interest anyhow. much appriciated.

[unrulyjulie]

I feel the same some days gigipop, im just mum, never quite feel ive really achieved anything (apart from my wonderful kids).
Im 40 this year and im hoping to do some training within the next year or so just to try and say ive done something with my life.

[delboy3]

Time to think positive!

For starters, write down all the good things you've achieved in life, all the successes you've had, and all the compliments you've received. Pin it up on the wall or wherever, and read it over and over.

[gigipop]

thanks julie, you hit the nail on the head i am just "mum" and i am truly proud of my kids you know, they do make me smile (and cry) every day, im only 35 i had mine young, and i see all old friends with nice jobs and plodding along fine, i mean there is nothing wrong with me i just feel so empty and im getting emptier as the days drag on. i am trying to build a life but dont know which corner to turn.

[gigipop]

oh delboy youve just made me cry, i know i have acheived lots and lots but all seems so long ago now, but the thing is i feel happy most of the time because i should be happy i havent got any real problems its just inside i feel pathetic.
i am just here to look after everyone else and as longs as they are fine i should feel fine but something is missing i cant explain properly,i may feel different tomorow but guaranteed i will be the same the day after

[unrulyjulie]

so how old are you children now then gigpop? Could you not think about training for something? Has there ever been anything you fancied doing? When i tell people what i want I want to train as i might sound silly and thats as a plumber. :-) i think its the overalls that attract me lol


My Mum was a ward sister nursing the mentally handicapped until she retired a few years back. She trained at the age of 40. I remember her passing her finals when i was fairy young. My ex mum in law did the same so there are options if you really do want to do something. The hard bit is juggling family life which is why i asked how old your kids are.

Just for the record, i dont think we mums should ever underestimate the importance of being "just mum" x

[figure]

Taking care of your kids is a huge responsibility in itself. cooking and cleaning are other important and necessary responsibilities. Don't beat up on yourself ... you are worthy as much as anyone else. Start feeling good about yourself by knowing that you are doing something good and important by taking care of your kids.

After finishing you household chores you should try getting out of the house, make time for yourself. Do something that you are always hoping to do one day when you have time. Go for a walk or even treat yourself to an occasional lunch or coffee outside your home.

[raysparx1]

Hello gigi. You obviously have lost lot of confidence, but please never say what am I, I am just a mum, just a mum, is that how you see it? cos to me mums are so special, look at what you have done, are your children ok, are the healthy, do the love you, do they respect you,? if they do you have done one of the best jobs in the world, now get off of here go make that list and realise how lucky you are, it will turn out ok for you, go do some courses at the local colege, go to kids hospice and look around, you will soom realise, your life ain't so bad, just a bit crap at the moment, Good luck and try to smile, xx

[CAJ1]

You are never useless - to someone you are the world and they couldn't be without you. I've been where you are and you eventually get out of the rut. I think you maybe need anti-depressants if you can't be bothered doing anything. If you don't fancy the doctors try the chemists or a health shop for St Johns Wort - this may pick you up a wee bit. You should then feel a bit more like doing something like the gym. You could even do a course or learn something new - you're never too old and this way you'll meet new people. Good luck, don't give up, you'll get there eventually x

[gigipop]

right im off, im going to pinch my cheeks and delete all these messages from my inbox cos my daughter would be devastated if she read this, i havent laughed and cried in the space of ten minutes in all my life like i have just now. cant thank you all enough. special love to you all and i will big up myself fom now on and i am going to the library tomorrow and see what courses they have, i did do one years ago and i loved it, dont know why i never went back, but for now thankyou all so so much for your kind words and wake up calls. i really needed it. lots of love gig

[CAJ1]

Thats the attitude! Let us know how you're getting on in a few weeks x

[Quoi]

If you could do one thing to start to get back your self confidence do something to help somebody else without reward. Help out for 1 hr at a charity shop - help the local church in any way you can - costs you nothing apart from your time but so many people dont want to do it you will be instantly appreciated. 'Just a mum' pah nobody is 'just a mum' xx

[raysparx1]

Good luck, gigi, we all need reminding sometimes of the good things we have when life seems a bit crappy, you will be ok, just look at your kids and smile, Ray xx

[frankiecat]

I am 'mum' to two cats!

It is always easy to look at other people and think that their lives are better than ours. We are all screWEd up to a certain extent.

I had to give up work for health reasons. I do two afternoon shifts in a charity shop and it is great fun. I have met some really nice and friendly people and it has been a really positive experience.

Running a home and bringing up kids is never easy, even I can see that. I think that you are depressed and maybe a short course of St John's Wort or anti-depressants from the doctor will just get you feeling a lttle better and better able to get look at your life and see what you can improve - some times it is just little things that can make all the difference.

Good luckx

Susan

[josie48]

gigipop, I can only agree with what the others have said. As Raysparx says,being a mum is so very special and rewarding. Take delboys advice and wriite down all the positive things you've achieved and also any obstacles you've overcome. We all have good and bad times gigi. Im in anti deps and I''ve got a " Positive thinking" cd and I was suprised at how much that helped, Be kind to yourself,take long walks,have long relaxing baths and if you feel the need to cry then do it,its natures way of healing. Take care.

[skyep]

gigi - Small steps, slowly does it!
You remind me of me a few years back. I'm a cleaner, it's all I've ever done really. I was at home to bring my children up until they were of age to go to primary/ junior school. I then advertised for private house cleaning, staying on the right side of earning what I was entitled to earn before being taxed which wasn't much, we struggled for a while. As time went by I felt it was time to find a mainstream job where I would have to interact with lots of different people. It wasn't easy and I found initially I had lost confidence big time! I actually successfully got one job, then wimped out of it through lack of confidence. The home/ kids and my private cleaning were my comfort zone. I then went for another job in a care home which was disastrous, wasn't a positive experience for someone just getting back in to working with people. I stuck it out then found my present job and haven't looked back. All I'm saying gigi is that you have lost confidence over the years, it's quite normal. But! do get out there. Start off with something small and build up your confidence. The best of luck to you xxxxx

[MustangLady]

Please please please... stop referring to yourselves as 'just a mum'. You've all achieved loads already; bringing life into this world and helping them grow up and find themselves. You have all created a miracle in this world - LIFE itself and I admire you all. I'm not a mum, I don't think I'm worthy of that. I've had a job all my life and never wanted kids of my own (I'm 43 now), but sometimes think I've missed out on so much. My bro and sis have children, so I have nieces and nephews but I can appreciate what my siblings have and have pleasure in that. You have all brought the next generation into this world and well done to you for that. Maybe you feel it's now 'YOU TIME', join a club or if you're shy join a club where you can take your kids along with you, be it swimming club or another sport. The kids will benefit too. Don't put yourself down, you should all be proud of yourselves. ML xx