A man is in love?

[{Dakota}]

My pal has been seeing a guy who already has a girlfriend for almost 1 year. She's fallen in love with this guy and he tells her he loves her. She asked him the other day if he is IN love with her, and he said that is a diffcult question to ask any guy but couldn't/wouldn't elaborate why that was a difficult question.

Is this a difficult question for you guys? Why?

If it's not such a difficult question, then is he just fobbing her off (keeping her sweet?) with telling her that he loves her so that he can continue to have regular sex with her?

[cazzz1975]

If she doesnt want to listen, then she will have to learn the hard way sadly. These relationships are doomed from the start, he will stay having regular sex with your mate until she starts demanding he make a choice.

he will probably be moving on to another women by then (still with his gf btw), then he will gradually dump your friend by being less available and eventually dumping by txt.

[{Dakota}]

Probably not, Cazz, I've been in a situation that no matter how often I was told that I should walk away from it, I didn't, it made me even more wilful if anything. That's the only reason I said I wasn't looking for answers as to whether what is happening is right or wrong.

[pastafreak]

Our grandparents lived in small communities where everyone knew their neighbours business.......something like this couldn't be hid so easily. And the reactions of people would be much stronger than today....and it was the woman who would be blamed.

[dot.hawkes]

Hiya Dakota how are you doing?

I think any question you ask a guy that is about relationships and feelings is to them a difficult question, and they think they are quite deep thinking by replying that it is a difficult question. lol

[Petal~flower]

now watching Love Soup

will be back later

[{Dakota}]

Dizdabiz - she's not confident in herself.

LOL @ dumping by text - that seems to be the choice for blokes these days too.

Pasta, you're right about the woman being blamed back then. My Grandmother told my mother when my husband and I separated that *I* must have been having an affair! LMAO - My own grandmother saying that! (I wasn't BTW)

[{Dakota}]

Hi Dot, how you doing?

Your response is exactly what I wondered. My ex was (I assume still is!) quite a deep person and talking to him about feelings was like trying to get blood out of a stone, so are a lot of guys the same?

[legend004]

FFS ask a guy what a guy thinks ffsw.

hes probably just happy with the extra sex.

its not a difficult question , just difficult to tell the truth.

guys can answer abiout relationships and feelings.

but in all honesty as your mates been fkin about with an attached guy , really what does she expect?

the womans a tramp and deserves what she gets.

the guys a wnker and probably him and your mate deserve each other.

as they obviously dont consider other peoples feelings but only their own.

i hope he gets found out and dumped .

and i hope your friend wisens up and gets her own guy instead of stealin someone elses,.

the guys a rat , the girls a tart .

end of .



D T H ?

[angel-cake]

When are people going to realise that you cannot 'STEAL' someone from anyone. It is a fact that sometimes relationships overlap. It doesn't make the girl a slapper or the bloke a w4nk3r.

Of course there are some people who in a relationship and cheat with no intention of ever leaving that person, but there are plenty more who are just confused and don't come to a decision quick enough.

I suppose it's easy to come across on here as though you are living a morally perfect life but i wonder how many of you have ever actually lived that way. Not many of you i should think.

In answer to your question Dakota, maybe he is IN love with your friend but doesn't want to tell her in case she gets too attached when he knows he is not in a position to give more. or maybe he has never been in love and is not sure how it does feel (sorry, not sure of the ages so maybe this is not the answer).

[Scarlett]

What an a r s e. He already has a girlfriend? He is not in love with either of them. If he was, he wouldn't treat them this way. He knows that women, like all female of any species, have to be wooed, and he is doing this by declaring love. She has fallen for it. Tell her to get out!

[Desperado]

Men?? In love??

Wash your mouth out!!!!!

[Thunderchild]

if I'm in love I know it (im a guy) if I'm not I'm not, I wouldn't 2 time anyone its as plain as that this guy needs to make some decisions and your pal too. if she's content to be the spare bit thats up to her as long and she dosn't feel hurt when she gets the boot.

[MrBounty]

I think in this situation, it is always easy to lay blame at one person's door - as most people on here have already done.

As someone stated, it is impossible to live one's entire life morally, so "bad" things are done by us all.

Who makes the rules that we can only "love" or "be in love" with one person?
Society has generally told us that that is the norm, that we fall in love and marry one person.....but what happens when one falls in love with two people?
It may not be the "correct" thing to do, but there are times in our lives that things happen that we cannot control.
We cannot control our feelings - be they feelings for an item, a pet or even a person - therefore, we cannot control who we fall for.

This guy has, from what you say, Dakota, fallen for your friend, as well as still loving his girlfriend (i would assume). The two women in his life are probably very different in most ways - hence the reason for him falling for both.
They offer different qualities as people and this is what may attract him - in general culture, this is regarded as wrong, but why?
I dont want to open up a new kettle of fish about bigamy or monogamy, but, like i said, you can't help who you fall for.

I dont come on here too often, but when i do, i see so many self-rightious people, preaching that they know best and making out that the subject of a question (like the guy in this one) is heinously out of order.
No one is perfect and no one person has the right to preach to others when they, themself, have done bad in their life!

[MrBounty]

Your original question, about if it is difficult for a guy to say they are "in love", i believe can be so.
What does being in love mean?
It can mean many things to many people. Maybe this guy does love your friend. Maybe his idea of love is different from that of hers, or yours, or mine, or anyone else's.
Most of what we believe and how we feel about things stems from how we were brought up.
Maybe this guy has difficulty in showing emotion like your friend wants, is used to, maybe even expects?

You suggest that he may be fobbing her off so that she will continue having sex with him - why not suggest that sex is off the menu for a while, then see how the relationship between them changes (if it changes).
If it does, then she has her answer.
If not, then it's clearly not just about sex.

All in all, it is entirely possible that this guy does love your friend, but is not comfortable with being "in love". It could possibly be the same with his girlfriend.
It is possible that he loves them both which makes explaining himself difficult, hence why he couldnt/wouldnt when your friend asked him.

I hope this has helped.....and helped you to help your friend.

[popsickle]

well to be fair, she can't go moaning about how he's being with her when she knows that he's already got a bird.
He's having his cake and eating it
your mates being taken for a ride by another male pig
and if anything did ever happen and he ended up with your mate solely... could she ever trust him? as she already knows he's a cheat.
I just hope his girlfriend doesn't know..... and if she does..... I hope shes not big and hard!
Coz if that was me! your mate wud be swimming with the fishes........... and so wud he