Is it time to break up?

[bobbikay]

For awhile i've been feeling like i'm drifting apart from my boyfriend. I don't know why... i'm getting grossed out when he leans in for a kiss... and i don't feel like cuddling or anything. Also, he hasn't been treating me and our kid very good. When he's upset, he calls me names like f-ing wh0re and says things to the baby like: he's probably not even mine, or i hate u. also, he recently told me that he has been lying to me about a couple of things. I'm just afraid if i call it off, i'll feel like crap and go running back cuz im lonely... and i'll also miss some things i'm sure. I tend to be an overly obssessive person. And this may sound possessive, but what happens if he finds a new girlfriend? i'm gonna be so jealous! I know this is a cliche: i love him... but i don't know if im IN LOVE with him. Is it time to break up? :S

[the 5niper]

Yes

[helliebobs]

**** yes, dump him and do it now!
You will find someone else and someone better, believe me I thought the same when my husband dumped me, but it will happen. Make the break because he's bordering on abusive and you deserve better than **** like that.

[Velvetee]

Well if he treats you badly and calls you such nasty names, it's no wonder you feel resentful and possibly angry towards him..

To tell the baby he hates it, probably won't have any effect at this time, but in 3 or 4 years it will. Do you want your child growing up with little confidence and feeling worthless?

From what you say about the relationship, there is no love on either side and you are probably only with him, because you feel there is no one else out there. This guy sounds like a nasty, childish swine, who probably is jealous of the attention you give your baby.

My advice would be, get him out of your life, before he ruins yours and your child's.

[the 5niper]

Any 'man' who says to his child "i hate you" should be dumped, the sooner the better, do it NOW!!!!!!!!

[Abdulmajid]

5niper is right. He has a "special" love for children. FACT.

[bobbikay]

I think all of you are right. There is a very good chance he could become abusive... his father is. And no, i would HATE for my child to grow up with a low self esteem.

[bobbikay]

but now... another question: How do i break it off and make sure it stays that way? i always run back to him :S

[Jugglering]

Bobbi.... not only do you not love him (you feel grossed out etc) you don't even like the guy (why should you, he calls you nasty names) - you deserve better than this... So, get him out of your life rapido and move upwards towards better things..... There is no way you should be jealous of another woman getting that sort of treatment after you go... you should be feeling sorry for her ! Definitely time to break up and move on - asap !

[helliebobs]

I think only you can really answer that bobbikay. Good luck xxx

[dustypuss]

you say that you love him . this may sound daft what I am about to say . When i fell in love with Mrs DP I youst to think I hope that I dont die because I dont want to leave her on her own ) do you truly love this bloke or do you think I am only with him because of ( what will every body think )

[~max~]

Same advice as previous. Get out now!
Nobody has the right to call you those names, and I wouldn't put up with anybody calling me that, let alone someone who is supposed to love me and has had a child with me!

And he's calling your BABY names too?? Get out, girl!

You WILL feel lonely, it is only natural after breaking up with someone. But I'm sure you have family, friends, or even online people who can help you through it.

Time to get some guts, for your sake, but especially for your child's! He's an arse, and you'll be better off without him. You CAN do it. You are as special, as important, as clever as anybody else, you will be able to do it. XXX

[banjosister]

Hey bobbikay,

I know exactly what you mean. I have been splitting up and going back to my long term bf for around 2 years.

I have finally ended it and I am NOT going back. I deserve better.

It is so easy to give this sort of advice but so difficult when you are on your own. I have never been completely on my own as I have always had the routine of children to get me through it. They have both left home, so for the first time in my life I am completely alone.

I think it is time for me to be on my own, to learn to love me and make me happy. No-one can ever make you happy if you're not happy with yourself.

When you are feeling down, come on here for a moan. Think about the really horrible things about your man. I got into my bed last night and was so pleased I did not have my man in it! No grunting, snoring and general man noise!

It won't be easy at times, but you can do it, for yourself and your child.

Best of luck & hugs.

BB xx

[helliebobs]

bobbikay, I forgot to add that I split up with my husband when I was 8 months pregnant with our son. He is now a year old so I have managed on my own for that long (admittedy with the help of family and some wonderfully supportive friends) so it can be done! Yeah it's hard, it's lonely and it devasted me but in the long run, I am better off and I know that now. Surround yourself with your family and your friends and you will make it through just fine.

[jno]

do try to have an exit strategy. All very well marching out the door but for the sake of your child as well as yourself you need to know where you're going and what you're going to do. Have friends and family ready to help if you can. Good luck. I agree with other posters that you'd both be better off elsewhere.

[beck07]

This man tells your baby he hates him- and he is still in your house why????

That baby should be number 1 and the minuet somebody shows anger or any other un-suitable emotion towards your baby they should out the door quicker then he came through it!

[Whickerman]

Yes.

[Ice.Maiden]

You're old enough to take a stand against the unpleasant person's attitude - but your child isn't. Get out now and give him the chance in life that he deserves, never mind about fretting after such a pig of a partner. I think your self esteem's low hun, otherwise you surely couldn't "love" a man like this, and rather than feel jealous if he got himself a new partner, I'd personally treat it as a relief ! get away as soon as possible. x

[gallapunk]

You can't bear him near you and all the other things make it even worse. Get out now, leave. You may feel lost for a bit while you adjust because of the length of time you've been together, but you will be so glad you did it in time. Go, there's nothing for you to stay for and even if you can put up with it, what about your child?

[bobbikay]

Yes i agree with all of u. I think my problem IS that i have a very low self esteem and i am afraid that if i call it off, i will have nothing to do and my pathetic routine will be ruined haha. I did just break up with him and he's apologizing for everything, but that's what he does EVEry time and i think hes had more than enough chances to change. And my baby needs to come first, i know. He's too little to stand up for himself so if i wont do it then who will? Thank u for all ur advice... i will DEFINITELY use it :)

[Ice.Maiden]

bobbikay - you don't have to listen to a word that anyone says on here, but in your heart of hearts, you must know that it's terrible for your lovely little son to grow up having to listen to all these slurs. In turn, children from these sort of backgrounds end up being disrespectful towards women, and probably make lousy partners themselves one day. Give your little boy a chance - and be blowed to your bf. You sound too good to be bogged down with such a loser, and I appreciate it may be hard to walk away, but you deserve some happiness with a decent man. Best of luck - x