Bad Tempered toddler

[Billysmummi]

Lol I know all toddlers have tempers but honestly my 13month old son seams to do extreme ones! He screams at me and my parents, hits, scratches, bites, headbuts! he headbutts the floor and the walls if you divert your attention for a second, I am covered in bruises and scratches you would honestly think id been attacked (just not by a baby lol)
Ive never shown any sort of violence or anything towards him, ive obv told him off for hurting myself and others, but have never hit him.
His dad had an awful temper and was violent but billy has never even met his dad has he wants nothing to do with us.
The other month at baby clinic he threw a right one as soon as we went in the room to weigh him, he almost kicked the scales right off the table! And screamed and kicked the nurse! i was mrortiied.
I know im prob sounding liek a nut, but its driving me up the wall and im starting to feel like a really bad mother, although all ive ever shown him is love ;-(
He can be the most caring sweetest little boy too, he always gives kisses and hugs - just takes the shine off it when he gives you a black ye to go with it!
Oh also he managed to nearly push my mum big flat screen telly over the other day!!
Help! lol

[snow.maiden]

Assuming your doctor and health visitor've ruled out anything that may be physically hurting or upsetting him, (is he teething?), perhaps he's just in need of more stimulation. If a child gets bored, it can manifest in ways such as you've described.
I don't think it's any good to shout at the child when he gets these tempers on him. Just a change in your tone of voice should get your message across - in a firm way. Praise him when he's being good, and be consistent in your way of letting him know that his behaviour's out of order. If he smacks out at you, say a firm "no!" and leave him alone for a few minutes. He's still very young yet, so you may find that he outgrows these moods.

[andrea81]

My little boy went through a faze of head butting and hitting his head when he was in a temper. It was quite frightening as he once couldn't reach the back of the car seat to head butt it so he punched his mouth until it bled!

I took him to the GP and to the HV, but she assured me it was just his frustration at not being able to communicate what he wanted. A case of his head and thought were too old for his speech!

I'm sure you've heard it all before, but is most probably a faze and when he is able to communicate his frustrations, he will grow out of it I'm sure!

[naflharrison]

hi i had a few probs similar with my son and my sis the same and her little boy is now 5. he has been diagnosed with mild adhd but as your little boy is so young i wouldnt think it is that. they all go through these phases and it really seems like it will go on forever but he is not too young to be put on the naughty step one minute for every year of their life so 1 min for your little boy, but it is key that when he does something naughty that you set him on the step and explain why he is being set there. he will prob scream and cry but if he leaves the step before his minute is up he must be brought back without speaking to him and must have a full min without getting off it, its really hard work and take a while before they get the message but persevere and it will come right, your little boy will only do these naughty thing bcos you let him and he will do it all the more as he sees it stress you. they are very smart even at that age and understand everything, my two now only have to be told they will go to the step if they start misbehaving and they stop, i have a 5yrs old girl and 2 1/2 yr old boy. trust me it works a treat if you stick with it and gives you a way of disciplining without having to shout or smack. hope this helps.. tried and tested!!!

[annie0000]

Make sure he gets plenty of exercise and running about, dancing etc. combined with plenty of fresh air you may get him too tired to fight and make sure he gets a good nights sleep.

[annie0000]

Have you seen any link with what he is eating? Try to monitor if he is worse after particular foods. My son can be a bit impulsive and hyper if he has anything with blackcurrant.

[sarahreiki]

I wont repeat things that others have already said, lots of good advice. I am sorry you have had to deal with all this on your own as well.
One thing no-one else mentioned, if it is frustration at not being able to communicate you could try using sign language with him, or get him to point at pictures of things to help him tell you what he wants. Ask your health visitor if you are interested they may be able to tell you about baby signing courses. Try searching on "Sing and sign "as that is a fun way to teach children signing.
We taught our daughter Makaton (search on "Makaton" \)from an early age so she could ask for milk, food, teddy, bed and her favourite things. This reduced temper tantrums but didn't cut them out completely. The look on her face when she first signed milk and we went and got her some milk was amazing. She felt happy and in control.

Also we give out daughter notice of up coming events to try and prepare her. Esp for things we know she does not like. i.e. she likes to walk to nursery. If we have to go in the car any time, I give her 5 mins warning "Today we are going to school in the car. " Then "In a minute we are leaving to get in the Car" Then "Lets get in the car now" This has helped. Also the naughty step has been great.(often takes 1-2 weeks of regular use for it to be really effective)
When he gets older or when you feel the time is right give him some control by giving him choices. First of just 2 things like "Would you like a banana or an apple" He can point or look at what he wants, or as he gets older he can speak. Obviously you only offer him 2 things that you dont mind what he choses as you must let him have what he choses!

I hope things improve for you soon.

Lol

[tracymort]

He's still way too young for naughty step (although personally I'd never use that anyway, I prefer children to learn how to behave by working out the natural consequences, not to behave just to please others or for a gimmick http://www.alfiekohn.org/parenting/supernanny. htm ).

It's very frustrating to have feelings you can't name let alone convey to others. Then to be ignored for having strong feelings (even if about something absurd to you) is going to confuse such a young child. They need comfort to be able to calm down, it's scientifically proven (see the Science of Parenting by Professor Margot Sunderland). By aiding them calming down while young will help them learn to control these emotions themselves later on. Withdrawing comfort can give mixed messages. Remember they don't know or have the understanding you do.
Also at 13 months they tend to have very little empathy for others yet and no idea their actions hurt.
The headbanging could be a need for comfort. Has anything changed recently? What about his diet, do you have much caffeine at all that could pass on to him? Does he have squash with sweeteners in etc?
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T060400.asp

This book may really help see things from his point of view, then help you calm him down or avoid the stressful situations before they kick off!
http://www.socialbaby.com/shop/product.asp?P_I D=404

This might help too http://www.pinky-mychild.com/index.php?option= com_content&view=article&id=35&Itemid=25