back to hospital :-(

[k8bailey]

Not really a question just a moan and an update!

Nancy is one week old today! She's lovely and eats and sleeps really well, she's lost a little weight and hated having her heel prick test this morning but a little cuddle from me and its all ok again!

But I'm feeling SO sorry for myself today. On saturday night I was screaming in agony and went back to the hospital to be told I had a bloodclot under my episiotomy stitches, so I was given really strong pain killers, anti biotics and anti inflamatories, then I got told that I'd lost a lot of blood at the time of delivery and was anaemic so I'm on iron tablets too, and now one of my stitches has burst and I have to go back to hospital AGAIN.

I'm so angry that I've spent the 1st week of my baby's life doped up sat on the sofa unable to move without crying! My poor fella has been amazing but he's so worried and trying to do everything - he's gonna make himself ill.

I just feel so useless and gutted that I'll never get this time back. I wish it had all been explained to me about the blood loss and just how severe a cut i had but I only just found out how serious it all was today from the CMW, she turned up and I just burst into tears which is how I've spent most of the day! I hate feeling like this I've been ok up until now, in pain but happy and content!

ok rant over! sorry everyone!

[lubecki161]

Im giving you a cyber hug right...................Now xxx

[Psychick]

Awww bless you! Just try and be patient and let everything heal. As soon as all is ok you will be able to get more independant again and start doing more for both Nancy and your boyfriend.

Nancy isnt aware of whats happening at the moment, so long as she has mummy and daddy giving her cuddles (and food lol) she will be happy.

Is there any friends or family you can call on to give your fella a hand to ease his load? Maybe get some shopping or come and help do a bit of housework so he can concerntrate on you two?

[natalie_1982]

My friend went through a very similar experience to you, although she wasn't cut she actually tore right through to the back and spent the first week unable to do anything for her daughter. She felt crappy and uselss (she only told me this months after it happened) as her partner was doing everything for the baby. Now she has a wonderful little girl who is 2years and adores both her mum and her dad; Psychick is right, Nancy doesn't know what is going on right now, just take the time to get better yourself. Could it be a touch of the baby blues too? I know I got them on day five after Emilia was born and started blubbing uncontrollably because the queue was too long in Mothercare!

[redcrx]

awww K8 how awful that must be for you, I felt useless for the first week because my legs ached and i got to 8pm in eves and couldnt walk but i wasnt in as much pain.

Youve also got the baby blue happening around this time which can make you very tearful too and also the tiredness and general enormity of it all hits you. Its perfectly normal to feel emotional and that you arent doing all you can but to be honest we can try and take too much on board and those first few weeks are terrible.

It takes at least 6 weeks for most to feel normal, the blood loss is also increased if youoverdo it.

Psy is right, Nancy will be happy to just eat and sleep at this stage and thats all you need to be worried about. housework and the rest can go by the wayside until you feel up to it. Take every bit of help that is offered, if anyone wants to visit then make sure they bring some food and make their own drinks.

Mr K8 will love the time with Nancy, even if just changing her bum, let him do it until the novelty wears off :)

Most importantly, take care of you hun! if you want a cry then cry, let it out. get all the info you can on the bleed and what to expect over next few weeks. By sound of it you have a decent MW there who will keep an eye on you, and of course we are all here to talk things through with.

(((hugs))) to a lovely mummy who just needs a break xxx

[redcrx]

btw i was warned about baby blues with girls as i wasnt that bad with my son but after having Amelia the blues were just awful in comparrison. This certainly wont help you at all if already feeling tired and in such pain.

also, not sure if youve tried this but arnica is good for bruising and helping heal after episiotomy. They sell in most boots stores either as a cream (doubt youll want to be rubbing any cream on) or in tablet form.

i cant believe that you werent told about the cut, or at least werent offered a strong painkiller to begin with and advice on how to treat it and help healing, thats just not on at all.

[nat_84]

k8 you must be having an awful time but lile the rest have said Nancy is oblivious to it all and you have THE WHOLE future to look forward to. I also lost a lot of bloody and had to have a blood transfusion + the iron tablets and the episiotomy made it impossible for me to even sit down without pain - so i can vaguely imagine how you're feeling.

You're lucky you have a wonderful fella looking after you both (make the most it!). You've been through a huge ordeal so try to rest up as much as possible and before you know it you will be back to normal!

Best Wishes x

[andrea81]

So sorry you're having a bad time of it! You must be so fed up by now chick!

Hang in there and don't worry about venting your feelings, go on and have a good cry and a rant! Don't bottle it up or you will feel worse for it! Glad your partner is supportive; it's a weight off when you have that sort of support!

Sounds to me that Nancy is a very luck little girl who has a mam and dad who love her to bits! You'll be back to your old self soon and this will just be a memory!

Take care chick! x x x x

[luckyfish]

i hope that you get better soon and heal well :)

just want to remind you to take pictures of nancy
trust me, when you look back at them it will trigger memories - and even things you didn't think were important. they might remind you that you were in pain, but that won't be what you think of when you see the pictures.

don't feel like you're useless... i'm sure you're doing all the things you need to do for her - and your partner is making sure that you're looked after :)

[k8bailey]

thanks for all your kind replies, they made me cry again, but in a good way! i'm feeling a little better today, got things back in perspective so I know that you're all right - Nancy is doing just fine and thats the most important thing right now, not who looks after her.

The dr's have now told me I'll be on medication mainly anti-biotics for quite some time and may need reconstructive surgery in the future, which is a pretty depressing prospect but it could be worse!

I'm so lucky that Mr k8 is coping so well and my family are doing what they can, bringing food etc. which is a great help, and I am taking loads of pics coz everything Nancy does is amazingly cute - even at 4am!

I had no idea that baby blues are worse with girls, just another thing your never warned about... i think I need to learn how to relax a bit and lower my expectations!!

Thanks everyone.xxx