how should I feel?

[4getmenot]

Ok this might be a long rant so be warned. Some of you might be aware of my relationship status, I am really happy with my bloke and have been with him over a year, before that I spent 5yrs trying to be with a man who wouldn't commit, who treated me like crap and in the end I gave in to my now current bloke believing I deserved a bit of happiness. Well Saturday I went out drinking and the ex turned up would not leave me alone. I said hello etc and he tried coming back with everyone else to my party and I told him he couldn't. No this morning he has text saying he likes a girl, turns out this girl is a mate of mine that I had round mine last week. She's just split up from her boyfriend and to cheer her up we had a girly night. Maybe I should be grateful he's going after someone really nice, but I am also so angry and want to warn her to stay away. I know if they get together I couldn't be mates with her. But why do I feel this way? And why the hell is he telling me

[Hitler]

he sounds like a bit of a snake 4get. he knows u got a new bloke etc. and now he is trying to make you feel gelous. If I was you I would feel he is pathetic and a drip.

hope this helps

[andrea81]

Hi 4Get,

My gut feeling is he's trying to get at you a bit and by telling you, maybe he's hoping you will be jelouse! It's possibly HIM who has feelings for you!!!

I would personally give my blessing to him and then go about your own business! Chances are it wont go anywhere and what you'll get out of it is the satisfaction that he's not part of you r life anymore!

[LoftyLottie]

Oooh some stars!

Have a nice day 4get. I'm now off out on a jolly with some old folk (even older than me) from a local care home!

[4getmenot]

raggy I wasnt with him for 5 yrs, read the question I chased him. And not treating me like crap but more it not going anywhere. so we parted on friendly terms if you get me, you have to be nice in a small town like this. China how you put it is like you are in my head. Thank you. He's done the 'I dont know if she'll like me though' so I have just said I have no idea I dont speak to her about him so how would I know and if he wants to know he should ask her. All this is not to say I dont love my bloke I am with, after things we have been through lately I know that more than ever.

[4getmenot]

I�m sure we have all been there. Where we chase someone and they don�t give anything back. Well I was strong enough to get out but that doesn�t just stop the feelings. In my eyes true love never dies. I think most are right when they say he was trying to get a reaction, and I�m sure nothing will come of it.

[sosad]

The advice people have given is good. You are normal for feeling these feelings. The easiest and least hurtful for you is to ignore it, distance yourself from your friend and not to rub your nose in it or let anyone else rub your nose in it. ignorance is bliss. small town - bummer. just stay away from where they go and in time as you fall more in love with someone else the feelings of distain will go, it just takes a very long time and a year isn't long enough. I feel for you.

[4getmenot]

I think it will all be ok. I know I now I shouldnt have reacted. He just gets in my way sometimes, he even hangs out with my sister.

[mrs_overall]

You can't switch off your emotions so I guess this is a small part of why it's bothering you.
I think he's telling you about this girl to provoke a reaction from you and it has worked.
Your friend will know what you went through with him and hopefully will be sensible enough to give him a wide berth. If she does have a dalliance with him, tell her you think the world of her but you do not want to discuss her relationship with him - ever. Good friends are like gold dust so don't fall out with her. if it comes to the worst case scenario, be there to pick up the pieces.
Has she expressed any interest in him or is this all one sided from him? My worry for her would be that she is vunerable after splitting from her boyfriend and may go for a rebound relationship. I'd bring the subject up with her and casually mention that he has the private parts of a hamster/is nicknamed "10 second man"/has genital warts etc which might put her off.
He sounds like a grade A loser and you're lucky you're out of it. xxx

[Lakitu]

It sounds to me like he rather enjoyed you chasing him and to be telling you that he likes one of your friends, he's hoping that you'll all of a sudden decide you don't want to be with current b/f and start chasing him again.

My guess about why it's bothering you is deep down you're maybe thinking "why couldn't he have been this forthcoming when I liked him".

I understand why you wouldn't want much contact with your friend if they got together, I've been there and it's not a pleasant situation to be in.

Sweetheart, try not to let him get to you, you know you've got it good with current b/f and this guy is just being a tw@t.

[karmgirl]

I think he wants you and cus you rejected him he's now going after your friend to make you jealous. That's why he told you - he had no reason to text u and say that so he probs trying to make you jealous.

I think if your friend was a good friend she would realise that he treated you bad and would steer clear of him and she would be sensitive to your feelings. xxx

[4getmenot]

I think you're spot on there karmgirl. He wouldnt ever commit and we said our goodbyes, I got him out my life meaning he was never allowed round mine ever again, so I could move on. I moved on but that doesnt ever mean I wont care for him. I would love for him to be happy, he just didnt know what he wanted back then but I did and couldnt hold on to something that may never happen. He may be really good with my mate. But basically I know she has no clue and all he's done is say hello. so that makes it easier.

[karmgirl]

Sounds like you made the right decision ending it and it can't have been an easy one to make. Well done you!

Just forget about the text, it's probably hurtful but I'm sure he just wants a reaction out of you perhaps and you musn't let him get to you anymore. You gave him 5 years of your life.

If your friends a good friend she will ignore him too.

Take care xxx p.s I used to be soph20 and you helped me out with my ex problem dont know if you remember

[4getmenot]

I thought it was you. Thank you xx

[beso]

I am not surprised that he didn't commit to you. You don't seem like a particularly nice person. Pushy, conceited, bitchy and in relationships for all the wrong reasons.

Maybe your ex will find you friend more suited. Best that you get out of your friend's life and let them have a chance at happiness.

Hopefully you will dump your new boyfriend too. He deserves better.

[stonekicker]

it also sounds like you are a bit scared that you will get sucked into their relationship if you continue to have contact with either of them. if you really can't be @rsed, don't. at the end of the day, they are both grown ups and it wont matter what you say, they will do threir own thing anyway. if you have known this girl for a while, talked to her about things and/or shes seen what he's like and she still wants to date him - more fool her. sounds like you are better off out of it - look after yourself

[karmgirl]

That's uncalled for beso. If you can't say anything nice don't bother replying.

[4getmenot]

ha ha dont worry karmgirl, it would only get to me if I knew there was any truth in that. Beco doesnt know me, others on here do and know I;m not like that :-)

[redcrx]

what have you based that on beso?

is this a personal problem youre experiencing? Are you on the other side of such a dilemma, your boyfriend texting old girlfriends?