Is this because she never trusted him?

[saxy_jag]

My bloke's mum has recently died. Although we haven't had the will officially read yet, we are privy to what's in it and to be honest, I'm a little annoyed.

The residue of her estate is to be divided equally between my bloke and his older brother. Fine. However, there's a clause that says my bloke's half is to be in the form of a bond payable to our kids on my husband's death - unless the two executors agree that it can be reverted to him. Since he and his brother are the executors, this is no problem, as his brother is fine about it.

This not because she was a nasty or vindictive woman - far from it. It is, apparently, because we went bankrupt just before the will was first made and she thought the money might be lost if it went directly to him (not the case, of course). It won't be a lot, but I can't help feeling she just didn't trust him (or me, for that matter). It's almost as though he has to seek his brother's approval because he's a baby, incapable of managing his affairs - which he's not.

Moreover, the bankruptcy is long past us now, yet the whole family is probably going to hear about it when the will is read - as well as the fact that she didn't trust us.

He's taking it all in his stride, but I'm afraid I can't. It's gnawing at me and I'm not sure I can forgive this. Should I? If everything's OK anyway, should I just let it go? And if so, how?

[redcrx]

If the monmey had been given to your fella and immediately taken from him to pay debts would you be happy or would you be annoyed that there wasnt a way around it?

at the end of the day, she left her son money as she wished. She ensured that it wasnt going to be lost and that his debts wouldnt be paid with any legacy she left.

is it worth getting annoyed about, your fella has lost his mum and Im sure thats probably more important than how the family may interpret the writing of the will.

[bednobs]

i seems a reasonable deduction to do it this way to me, and it sounds like it was done from the best intentions to protect your husbands inheritance.
However, as she is now dead, your question cant possibly be answered because noone can ask her.

[Denise_uk]

I'm only speaking from my very limited experience of a close friend going bankrupt many years ago, but I'm pretty sure that had your husband's Mum died before he was discharged from his bankruptcy, the Official Receiver would have been able to sieze anything left to him personally in her will. By doing what she did she safeguarded the money she left, but was also mindful enough to include a clause where he could get the money directly if, basically, it was safe for him to do so without risk of it being claimed as an asset. I would think she probably talked this through with his brother at the time to make sure he understood the purpose of the clause as it involved him too. I don't think it had anything to do with trust, more with ensuring that the people she loved could hold on to the money she wanted to leave for them. She sounds a kind and sensible woman. I wouldn't let this spoil your memory of her at all. x

[terambulan]

Do you think the Will was written to protect the inheritance from your debtors? That's how it looks to me and I think the deceased was protecting you, her son and the children.

[helliebobs]

saxy I can only agree with what the others have said, she sounds like she was just being sensible. Please don't let this sully any of your memories of her and try not to think too much about what she may have meant, it will only eat you up. Just get on with your life.
x

[saxy_jag]

I appreciate what you're all saying, I really do, and my bloke would agree with you. The will's been changed several times to accommodate changing family circumstances (divorce, later life babies etc etc), but this never has, even though the bankruptcy was discharged twelve years ago.

There were one or two issues between him and his mum, some of them to do with her meddling in our finances once or twice and accusing him of all sorts of stuff just based on hearsay, but he can let that go now. I don't know how he's managing to do it, but I know I'm going to have great difficulty doing the same.

[Ethel]

If it bothers the two of you, it can always be refused. An inheritance doesn't have to be accepted.

Just put it all behind you.

[bednobs]

i dont understand how everyone will hear about the bankruptcy? And wills aren't usually "read" are they - dont the executors just get on with distributing the estate? or do families really all gather together in a solicitors office while a wizened old man reads out messages from beyond the grave?

[elaine33]

you are right bedknobs, wills are not read and so no one but the solicitor and executors will know what was in it or how it was written.
My father died earlier this year. In his will he left me and my children �200 each. I was not aware of this until the cheque arrived from the solicitor telling me of the legacy.

I agree with all the previous answers, this lady was doing all she could to make sure her son received his legacy. Saxy-jag, try to move one, put it in the past. Life is too short for these squabbles

[saxy_jag]

I am not grasping, Tetjam, and for your information, I'm actually a pig - not a cow. There's hardly any money there, to be honest, just a few hundred and no property, and what there is will go to my bloke and my kids, so there's nothing to be ungrateful about. I understand she's leaving me a ring (quite, valuable and not subject to any conditions) which I don't want and probably won't accept - or if I do, I'll give it away. The others can do what they like with their share, belittling clause or otherwise. That's their business.

What I'm aggrieved about is the implication that he's not capable of looking after his own affairs just because he went bankrupt twelve years ago, and that there's no chance to put her right on the matter. She apparently thought that once you were bankrupt, your money was never your own again, and she wouldn't listen fully to the solicitor when he tried to put her right, hence the retraction clause, which was all he could persuade her to agree to.

I'm glad to hear that the will won't have to be read out, and that the bankruptcy will go no further than my bro-in-law. I'm not ashamed of it, and I don't deny it, but I wouldn't have liked the idea of some of the rest of the family knowing the contempt she held us in, financially speaking.

So, some sensible advice here, for which I'm grateful. Twenty-four hours on, I've had a chance to think and decided what I've said above - it's his choice whether to accept his legacy and what he does with it. I just don't want any of it and I'll either refuse or give away what is left to me.

Cheers all.

[bednobs]

it might be better to think for a bit longer than 24 hours before making a decision - the will normally takes ages anyway. it still seems shocking to me thatyou see this as holding you in contempt when she did her besst to protect your husbands and ids inhertance, to the best of her knowledge and ability AND left you a personal bequest of a ring. However, i am not you, so just cant understand why you feel like this. Even if you absolutely hated the woman, get the ring and sell it and go on holiday with the proceeds!