still sad about dad

[kitten_uk2]

nearly a week since we discovered dads fate. im still hurtin. jus came on here to chat. cant get my mind off the subject.

[stevec000]

hi kitten just about to post a question about my dad and read our thread
had to scroll back to find origanal
i suppose every body takes has there own wat of dealing with thing and you seem a bit like me
everyone says if my dad goes i will be the strongest and keep the family together but deep inside i am falling apart

what keeps me going is my kids
anytime i'm down i try and think of my dad with my kids
especiley the funny moments and it works sometimes i have a giggle out loud without nowing it and people look at my strangley and that makes me laugh even more

its sad but true we are only here once its not a reahersal
chin up girl and think of a nice thought about your dad
now ........................................bet your smilingxxx

[pinktwink1]

i agree it is tough my mum passed away from motor neuron two years ago it was quick in the end and so hard to see the one you love fade before you. What helped me was to enjoy the time we had left and make it special do the things yee both would have dreamed of doing. Some people loose parents suddenly and don't get the time together, maybe go on a family holiday make videos for your children talk a lot about the good and the bad times with him. give him hope that whilst you will miss him dearly you will be fine and that when the time comes when it is too much for him that it is ok for him to go. he needs to see your ok. It is tough but with strength and support you will get through. the motor neurone should help put you in touch with others near you in a similar situation. Good luck my thoughts are with you as i have been there

[Mamyalynne]

I lost my beloved husband 17 days ago after 34 years of bliss anhd evryone was telling our girls to look after mum, but as I pointed out they had lost their lovely daddy. It`s a family thing and you try your best to prop each other up.

Love Mamya x

[Ice.Maiden]

Death hits people in various ways. Some people manage to put on a brave face, and others fall apart immediately. My heart goes out to those of you who're either losing someone, or bereaved already, but it's true to say that whilst never forgotten, the pain fades with time and hopefully leaves you all with some beautiful memories. Our loved ones wouldn't want us to spend our lives grieving, but for those experiencing grief and loss - abig hug all round. x

[Mamyalynne]

But nothing prepares you for the hurt, it is far more physical than i ever thought it could be.
take care
mamya

[Ice.Maiden]

Of course, mamyalynne. We've had many losses amongst family and close friends, and each one's no better than the last. I think people go through phases of shock, sadness, bewilderment, guilt....but one day, the sun shines again. Sometimes people find it helpful to talk to a bereavement counsellor, whilst others just prefer to talk to family and friends. Some prefer not to talk about it at all. I do hope your pain eases with time. x

[sanden]

Hi Kitten, When I found my Dad had terminal cancer it was a terrible shock, but we had to really think about all the lovely times. All the things that made us laugh, all the lovely holidays we had and think of all the many family and friends. It doesnt change things but makes you think of lots of positive things rather than dwell on the negative. Noone can make this easy, cos there is no magic wand, but somehow you will get through it, and as others have said, time is a healer, even though it will be a long time before you can appreciate that. Thinking of you.

[Mamyalynne]

Yes Kitten lots of love and hugs , sorry if i wallowed a little ,I really was trying to comfort you and yours.

Take care
Mamya x

[what..the?]

I suffered the loss of my brother two years this month he was 28, he died due to NHS failings after a year of bad treatment from the NHS and mistakes in an operation that left him unable to move, eat go to the toliet, he then lost an eye due to an infection he got in the hospital, then got kidney problems due to them putting the wrong cathater in before his operation and not noticing the mistake for weeks afterwards. In the end he died of blood poisening as a result of a bad kidney infection.

The NHS didnt say his death was linked to all their mistakes but they wouldnt. They also left his body indiscovered until the next morning even though he was in a bad condition he wasnt monitored though the night.

I have since not been able the action my upset at the NHS due to my parents not wanting to take action.

I had no part in deciding about my brothers body what would happen i.e funeral, coffin, cemermony, cemation, and was told not to be stupid and my family made all the plans .

[what..the?]

I have had a family member take their anger out on me for my brothers death and as a result distanced me from the family by later making lies about 'who said what 'etc. Due to the 'high' position in the family and church no one thought I would be the one telling the truth, I was therefore blamed for an arguement that didnt exist.

As I result I have not contacted my family since due to this event plus the past history 'growing up' which was always some what problematic . I never got to go to my brothers funeral, I think I couldn't have managed due to the uncalled for hatred towards me and the fact the whole day, places, ceremony would be against my beliefs / feelings, it would bring it all home that know one cared to ask what I wanted, and listened to what I said.

The day of the funeral I stayed home and read my bible thinking of my brother. Now adays I think very positively about my brother and honestly think he is in a better place, my heart and soul just knows it in some way, I know that this place we are in now is not the best at times it seems to get worse by the day , the people the crimes etc and I feel that at least he is safe where he is, he cannot suffer anymore and there no NHS there!

[pinktwink]

hi kitten
thinking of you as this time hope things are a bit more positive for you and you can hold on to the positive memories of your dad to share with him

x