Ethel is right. I too had a horrid Father who used to beat me and my sisters for years. We all have problems now which are completely linked to it- low self-esteem, weight problems, trust issues etc. But at the end of the day, that was then and this is now. We are not going to let him spoil any more of our lives. We are all intelligent, talented people who are entitled to live our lives happily and make a positive contribution to the world while we are here. You need to decide what you want out of life, and what you DON'T want, and what has been holding you back. Then make a step by step (little steps) chart towards positive things you can do to achieve your goals. If counselling hasn't worked, try seeing a psychiatrist. OR don't bother raking up the past anymore, and treat tomorrow as the first day of the rest of your life. Get a good pal in to help you, and talk when you need to. I do sympathise and I know how hard it is- but you need to move on.