Pregnant & alone

[Sweetie77]

I have just found out that I am pregnant and the father doesn't want to know. I am 31 and single

I went to see the doctor today to discuss a termination but I am so unsure what to do.

I have always wanted kids but my situation is so unsuitable. I work anti social hours in a physical job which pays very little. I am currently staying with a friend in her one bedroom flat so I don't even have my own place!

My family are not happy and have said that they want nothing to do with it.

Basically everything is stacked against me and a termination seems like the best (but far from the easiest) decision. I am just not sure how I would cope with that....

Has anyone been in a similar situation? I just need some impartial advice!

Please help!

[Eve]

Oh hon! Do you know how far along you are?

Whatever you family say, at the end of the day it's your decision and up to what you want to do.

Saying that it's not an easy decision to make and I'm not sure you will be able to make a 100% decision one way or the other, just the most right for you at the time.

People do have children in all kinds of circumstances of life so it is always possible to cope somehow but just because people do doesn't mean it's right for you.

Could you go to someone maybe better placed than a GP to have a chat with such as a local family planning clinic? Someone who can offer to guide you to support for whatever you decide?

[Goodsoulette]

Yes I have. I made it work, I was ten years younger than you. My mum pleaded with me to have a termination, I was working on an opening team for pubs at the time. Something didnt feel quite right, so I didn't have a termination. It was hard work, I rented privately and had help with the rent while on maternity leave. You can make it work if you think you can't go through with it. Family say this stuff now but they will love any child you have, my mother and son are very very close.

In retrospect though, if I could back in time I would tell myself to wait but thats only because I was so young. I have loved motherhood and I could be better off, eg, I could have nicer things but I am happy with my life.

I think the real question just has to be do you want to be a mother? If the answer is yes, then go for it, you will find a way. If you aren't ready for it then a termination is your way forward, just make sure you take them up on the counselling offers.

Good luck.

[CJ242]

Been there honey. I was so happy when I found out I was pregnant, then the fear set in. The father actually accused me of lying, then when I proved it, he had me beaten up by two of his family members. Luckily my baby survived and I did it all by myself at first. My parents were funny initially but once they got used to the idea they were brilliant! My 8 year old is now a cheeky opinionated handful but I couldn't imagine my life without her.
All that said, you have to do what is right for you. It takes a strong woman to make this decision either way. If you feel that you have no way of providing a good life for your child then maybe a termination is the right thing to do. If you are constantly thinking of ways that you can make it work then maybe you should consider other options. Ultimately you need to ask yourself 'do I want to be a mother?'

[lil75]

I wasnt pregnant and on my own, but I ended up on my own with 2 children...it was my decision...it was so hard, but we all manage somehow....best of luck, whatever you decide to do x

[Velvetee]

I'm sorry to hear about your situation Sweetie. I think you should do what your heart tells you and put all other negatives aside.

If you feel in your heart you want this child, then you should have it. Like someone else said, although your family now say they want nothing to do with your situation, this could just be their emotions and disappointment talking.

It will be very difficult coping as a single mother, but thousands of other women do it and you have the good fortune to live in a society, where you have many resourses and help available.

Just consider carefully what you will do, so you will make the correct decision for you and you alone.

[Sweetie77]

Thanks everyone for your answers

I am meeting with my Mum tonight to have a chat. Still not sure what I am going to do...hardest decision I have ever had to make in my life!!!

I always imagined having kids one day and always saw it as a happy moment not one filled with stress!