Ladies am I just over reacting?

[Velvetee]

Am I just being Paranoid and argumentative? My Fiance comes into contact with a variety of females through work, who he has added on Facebook. He often chats to a couple of them in the evenings on the site and they tend to tell him all their problems.

For the past few weeks, he has been keen to attend a 40th Birthday party of one of these women. I didn't want to go, as I didn't know her. Anyway, I was pushed into going and when we got there, this woman, who's birthday it was, just blanked us, so we left soon after. I couldn't understand why he would want to go in the first place and now have it in my head that it must be because he fancies her.

The problem is, I don't think he should be engaging these women in conversation and allowing them to tell him their problems, as this means the working realtionship is moving onto another level. He doesn't chat to men online, just these women.

I have read the transcripts of these conversations and there is nothing of a sexual nature, (although one did slag me off a bit) they appear to be telling him their problems and he comes across as being a listner, adding advice here and there. I just feel he talks more in depth to these women than he does to me.

Am I just being oversensitive because I'm pregnant? Would other women feel the same as me?

[legendis.god]

Id say hes obviously on the lookout for women.
Possibly as youre preggy hes looking for a bit of rumping for later on when youre off the scene so to speak.
AND ID RECKON HES LOOKING AT YOUNGER WOMEN TAKING INTO ACCOUNT YOUR AGE TOO.




DTH ?

[jno]

did he show you the transcripts? If so I'd say you've got nothing to worry about, he's being open with you. Also, the fact that he insisted you go to the party suggests he's not carrying on behind your back, just the opposite. Men who fancy other women usually do it in secret, they don't drag their wives along when they meet

[legendis.god]

best way to get up to stuff is appear open and then you will say

no darling go youyrself


watch out


i may be wrong


but then again

[Velvetee]

Well Jno, yes he knows I read the transcripts and isn't really bothered.

The one who slagged me off is in her 50's. I think perhaps she's taken a shine to him, as she seems to have lots of problems finding and keeping men and he offers a 2shoulder to cry on".

The woman's who party it was is a skinny blonde, so I suppose that set me off, as obviously I'm not and have gained some weight during pregnancy.

[China Doll]

I'm not sure I'd be turning hoops about it either if I were in your situation and I'd probably have a few choice words for him about the work/social balance but if it's all out in the open then it sounds like it's above board to me and he's probably just trying to be a nice guy. Maybe because you're pregnant you're feeling that the time he should be spending with you is being spent listening to other women which makes his priorities look a bit skew whiff to you. I'd say it's a fair point if thats the case but he may well not realise it and you might have to point out you're in need of attention too. If he's that nice a guy he'll probably be mortified that he's appeared insensitive to you.

[Ice.Maiden]

Why can't these women talk about their problems during breaks at work? Then again, if you've actually gone along with your fiance and met one, there can'tr be anything untoward.

[pastafreak]

Now I know why I never went to any of the ex's work dos....lol

[legendis.god]

SEEMS TO BE SPENDING A LOT OF TIME AND ATTENTION ON THESE WOMEN.


Id be concerned and have a word.

[k8bailey]

oh legend you always know just what a lady wants to her don't you!!

Velvetee, it's probably just the hormones I know I got a bit paranoid whilst pregnant. Also you've got a lot of other things stressing you out atm. Talk to him, you're having his child and you're gonna get married. I'm sure he'll understand that you need an extra bit of reassurance. He should be looking after you right now and listening to your problems not other women.

[terambulan]

You're over-reacting due to your pregnancy. He can't help being friends with women he works with & the reason the women backed off was 'cause they saw your pregnant state didn't want to jeopardise the babes welfare - female intuition?

Men are 'left out' when wife is preggers & gets all the attention. Bring him into as much as you can.

You're on here chatting to us....is he?

[Velvetee]

I'm always bringing the subject up China and he just say's I'm being silly and controlling, as I don't want him to talk to other women. But my question to him was, why aren't you listening to the problems of the men you work with.

This woman in her 50's sent him a birthday card, which I thought was strange. It was quite a big one, with his name on the front and when opened, it played "Happy Birthday" including his name.

I told him I thought she had a crush, but he brushed it off. Then his assistant said she also thought this woman had a crush too. Maybe he's just naive as to how some women will take a man who listens?

[legendis.god]

Bailey sorry but i was giving an honest opinion

as a father i never wasted my attentions on other women when my ex was pregnant and never would.

Im sorry but ive met many a guy on the trawl for A BIT OF POONTANG WHILST THE MISSUS IS LAID UOP IN HOSPITAL.

iTS MORE COMMON THAN U MIGHT THINK

WATCH HIM LIKE A HAWK

IF THERES NOTHIN GOIN ON HE WONT MIND


d t h?�?�

[legendis.god]

answer to the problems of men is he probably wouldnt sleep with them

[legendis.god]

And lettin him on facebook to these women , who he can talk to in work.
Well you hear about so many breakups because of this.

Better to err on the side of caution i say.A re there no women out there with experience of this?
Id be surprised if there werent.

[jno]

if he has a crush on someone it's a problem. If someone has a crush on him it's not, unless she's a stalker. Honestly, husbands who cheat are very very seldom this open about it! By all means tell him you want more attention from him - he may not have realised. But telling your partner not to have any contact with members of the opposite sex is likelier to alientate him rather than draw you closer together. And there are worse things than men who are ready to listen to women's problems.

[rabbitygirl]

Your feelings could be heightened because of hormones, but if you are unhappy about this then you are unhappy.

Let him know. I wouldn't personally worry too much because he seems quite open about all this, and may have difficulty seeing why you don't like it.

None of these women should be saying anything derogatory about you and he should certainly tell them that it is unacceptable to him - and you.

Is he letting you read them because he knows you don't like these convos taking place and is trying to calm any concerns you have?

[China Doll]

He probably just doesn't care that she does Velvetee. Men are wired differently to us; if someone starts paying extra attention to me that I don't don't like I get all worried about hurting their feelings and not wanting to encourage them. If they do it to my best (male) mate then he shrugs it off and leaves them to it as he's clearly not interested. Probably if you weren't hormonal you'd laugh this off. I know you've said previously that you're a trainer or something so is it possible you're feeling a bit fat and therefore unattractive (sorry to be so blunt) as this is obviously different to how you look normally?

Also, back to the wiring of men... They generally aren't going to MSN their mate to whinge about their problems. In my experience a male whinge generally involves a pub or an X-box and a meaningful conversation intermingled with comments about boobies, politics, music and some form of sport. They don't communicate with each other the way women do, (doesn't make it less meaningful, just different).

Just be careful that you're not taking your annoyance at the women out on him, he sounds like he's being above board although terribly insensitive. If you do have a history of being a bit controling then also his telling you not to be silly might be him rebelling against that and that would be the only sinister motive. Next time you talk, focus on the fact that you want reassurance and to spend time with him and not on the women. He might respond better.

[Velvetee]

Rabbit, I wouldn't say he lets me read these messages, i just login to his account and read them, which he knows about.

I was never this bad before pregnancy, but really don't like him chatting to these women. Why don't they tell their problems to their husbands, partners or families?

[Velvetee]

Thanks China, I guess I am being rather controlling, as I tend to like getting my own way. I guess it must be the hormones.

I was very annoyed, however, that he made me go to that party. It was in Kent, freezing cold and I have a Kidney infection. He even bought her a present and a card, which said on the front, something like, she's getting hotter with age.

Men are odd!

[China Doll]

See that logging in thing... While he knows about it is a fairly unattractive train I've got to be honest Velvetee and possibly does indicate a controlling side. I think maybe he might be rebelling against that in which case I would definitely focus on pointing out that you want to spend more time with him rather than him chatting to the women.

Maybe the women don't want to talk to their families or partners because they are the problem. Maybe they just fancy the pants off your husband and like that he pays them attention. Either way, it's still them being silly and not him. He's being a clod but so far he's still not coming across to me as being sinister.