To dump or not to dump?

[georgit79]

What do you reckon:

Is it better to dump someone or to be dumped by someone? Dumper or dumpee? I've been on both sides and I can't decide which I prefer..

[beale]

I think they are both equally unpleasant in intensity of feeling, but at different ends of the spectrum. But then, some people I know have know problem with the guilt of letting someone go, which is probably the best way! As long as you don't do it by text or something.

 

Good question!

[undercovers]

well if you really don't care about the person then its better to get them to dump you, then you can always find a shoulder to cry on in one of her friends

[ICEMANSAV]

For a bloke I think it is more of an ego smasher to be dumped as dumping someone is a choice you have made and have carried out. There is guilt on both sides of the coin but as a lad I think it would be far worse to be dumped than to dump! As women are more emotional than men ( generally ) they have more inclination to feel guilty if they are the one ending the relationship.

[georgit79]

I have to say that I really really hate being the one ending it, because then I feel responsible for the feelings of the other person and feel like I've let them down somehow. At least when you get dumped you can get other people to feel sorry for you!

[bluedolphin]

If u feel that u are going to become the dumped (and ur mates are watching closely) u have got to dump first...u get respect all round regardles of gender

[stoo_pid]

I guess it depends on how much self confidence you have.  If a relationship is over, its over & I'd rather be dumped than feel responsible for hurting the other person.  Not so sure I'd be OK with it if I had low self esteem though...

 

[georgit79]

The worst dumping scenario I have ever had was when I was working abroad and going out with a Danish guy. His work period ended and he went home to Denmark, but we stayed together and everything was great (if a bit long distance!) for a couple of months. Then he arranged to come and visit me for two weeks, but by then it had started to fizzle out. However, I didn't have the guts to finish with him over the phone so waited till the poor guy had come all the way over to visit me and dumped him almost as soon as he got off the plane! Awful awful awful.  He is still speaking to me, though....after a brief hiatus when he wanted me dead!

[juicyjamie18]

I've never dumped anyone, I just stop calling/txting back...they soon get the message.

[ICEMANSAV]

That was a bit cruel Georgit! Could have saved him the plane fare! I dumped a girlfriend by posting a letter to her when we only lived 5 mins away! But I was 16 at the time, what was worse was her mum had the same name and read it first then had to tell her daughter! Oh my name was mud for a while.

[racheltje]

It isn't nice to dump someone but being dumped is far worse if you still really like the person. I recently got dumped by text!! can you believe it? That is just the worst way to dump someone!

[georgit79]

ICEMANSAV, if it was cruel to do it like that, but I didn't mean to be cruel- I was being a chicken!

[ICEMANSAV]

I was being a chicken as well looking back.

[cardboard]

Definatly better to be the one doing the dumping.

[georgit79]

Oh I've been dumped in some novel ways too...once was in the middle of a French literature lecture, when my then boyfriend and I were in a group giving a presentation. He was in the middle of his speech, then just broke off, turned to me, and said, in French, "Oh, by the way, I don't think it's working". Hmm!

And another time, the guy brought his new girlfriend to my 18th birthday party...I certainly got the message!

I've always wanted to say "It's not me, it's you" and see if they notice..!

[Hammer]

I prefer to be dumped, but only cos I'm too much of a wuss to do the dumping

[nicola_red]

I think I'd prefer to be the one doing the dumping, although I've only actually done it once, and then it wasn't a particularly serious relationship. I've been dumped a coupla times and it's always a bit soul-destroying, cos you always wonder what you did wrong. I've been dumped by phone which was particularly unpleasant - that was before the days of text messaging thankfully!

[country_boy]

Both are not nice, but at least if you are ending it you are doing something you want to do.  Usually when getting dumped it's not your choice and hurts much more... unless you just don't call the person etc until they break it off with you (bloke style!) - but in a round-about way you are still getting something you want!

[Dark Angel]

georgit79 I feel the same way as you do. Some people like to say that they dumped the other person, but I feel that if the other person dumped you, then you feel that the hurt is yours, and in years to come you dont feel guilt or remorse. About breaking off with the Danish guy who came to see you, I think its braver to do it face to face like you did, rather than leave a note or give a phone call, say he's dumped and ring off.