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Brothers Choice Of Girlfriend
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Ok, so my brother (24) has been going out with this girl for 4 years and nobody in the family likes her. What can we do? We try to talk to her but usually she comes in the house and doesn't talk. She also dumped him cos he didn't have a job. She flirts with everyone. I'm worried he is becoming dependent on her. What am I, or my family meant to do? I don't want to hurt my brother as he means the world to me, but she isn't good enough for him.
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legend don't post answers if you can't say anything worthwhile.
The fact that you couldn't answer a simple 'yes' or 'no' answer with ease shows your clearly below average intelligence.
As for the big spaces between your sentences, it shows a clear need for attention seeking behaviour. Maybe you should see a counsellor?
In terms of my education, though it's nothing to do with this question I will answer it as you seem to bring it up during every answer I write, due to your paranoia. I am a graduate for which I received a 2.1 and I am currently studying for a post graduate masters, during which yes, a friend of mine was accused or racism (as you pathetically keep bringing up, and she was cleared, which you would know if you were intelligent enough to read threads).
So, maybe now that 'legend' is satisfied we can get back on to the topic of this girl treating my brother wrong. Thank you.
The fact that you couldn't answer a simple 'yes' or 'no' answer with ease shows your clearly below average intelligence.
As for the big spaces between your sentences, it shows a clear need for attention seeking behaviour. Maybe you should see a counsellor?
In terms of my education, though it's nothing to do with this question I will answer it as you seem to bring it up during every answer I write, due to your paranoia. I am a graduate for which I received a 2.1 and I am currently studying for a post graduate masters, during which yes, a friend of mine was accused or racism (as you pathetically keep bringing up, and she was cleared, which you would know if you were intelligent enough to read threads).
So, maybe now that 'legend' is satisfied we can get back on to the topic of this girl treating my brother wrong. Thank you.
Well you need to look at it from her point of view. She is probably aware that you all dislike her and feels alienated, so why on earth would she feel comfortable making conversation with any of you. Have you considered that perhaps she is also shy.
If your brother has been with her for four year, it must mean he has strong feelings for her. Really, it's nothing to do with you or your family, imagine how you would feel, if you met someone you were madly in love with and happy with and your whole family were against that person.
Sounds like whoever he dated, would not be good enough. As others have said, he's a grown man and it's his choice of who he decides to spend his life with.
If your brother has been with her for four year, it must mean he has strong feelings for her. Really, it's nothing to do with you or your family, imagine how you would feel, if you met someone you were madly in love with and happy with and your whole family were against that person.
Sounds like whoever he dated, would not be good enough. As others have said, he's a grown man and it's his choice of who he decides to spend his life with.
Princess, my brother is married to a complete fruitcake and I can't believe he is happy with the situation.
many years ago when they got together a male friend of mine said he would take my brother out for a round of golf, and find out if he was really happy. he came back saying, "he's not my idea of happy, or yours, but he is happy".
they married and she is expecting their 3rd baby (within 4 years). personally I think she is making sure he is well and truly trapped... but it really doesn't matter what I think. as everyone else says, just be there for him should he need you but you need to let him live his life.
tough though, huh? x
many years ago when they got together a male friend of mine said he would take my brother out for a round of golf, and find out if he was really happy. he came back saying, "he's not my idea of happy, or yours, but he is happy".
they married and she is expecting their 3rd baby (within 4 years). personally I think she is making sure he is well and truly trapped... but it really doesn't matter what I think. as everyone else says, just be there for him should he need you but you need to let him live his life.
tough though, huh? x
I doubt if any of your brothers girlfriends will be 'good enough for him'
That's what sister's are for. I'm the same, I had 2 brothers, (one now deceased), but didn't much like any of their girlfriends.
But it's not your choice is it?
let him have who he wants. We all learn from our own mistakes, and if it is a mistake, and he will see it for himself, then you can be there to offer support.
That's what sister's are for. I'm the same, I had 2 brothers, (one now deceased), but didn't much like any of their girlfriends.
But it's not your choice is it?
let him have who he wants. We all learn from our own mistakes, and if it is a mistake, and he will see it for himself, then you can be there to offer support.
I know that it upsets you that he's with her, and yes, she may not be a very nice person. But if you want to continue contact with your brother, you must accept her.
One day, he will probably be forced to choose between you. And he WILL choose her, love is blind, deaf and dumb.
The only thing you can do is accept her, be nice to her (even when she isn't to you) and hope that he doesn't feel too pushed away from the family for good.
Otherwise, whether they spilt up or not, he will not come back to the family for fear of repitition.
And also, how do you think she feels?
She might actually be quite a nice person, but you have got a bee in your bonnet some 4 years ago, and won't let go.
She's probably not very nice to you because she thinks you don't accept her and don't like her.
I know all this from personal experience, I dislike my fiances family a lot. As they did not accept me when me and my partner first got together. Now they try to be nice, but I can't let go. I try to avoid them, and try not to go round there when I can.
I had to stop my fiance choosing between me and his mum, and he was planning to give everything up for me. But I didn't feel it right, as you should always be close to your parents in my opinion.
And please, if you don't like her, don't start telling him. How on earth would you feel if the person you completely adored, couldn't live without was hated by your family, and you were reminded everyday. It's very harsh you see?
Leave them, and if they break up, just comfort him, and don't hold a grudge.
One day, he will probably be forced to choose between you. And he WILL choose her, love is blind, deaf and dumb.
The only thing you can do is accept her, be nice to her (even when she isn't to you) and hope that he doesn't feel too pushed away from the family for good.
Otherwise, whether they spilt up or not, he will not come back to the family for fear of repitition.
And also, how do you think she feels?
She might actually be quite a nice person, but you have got a bee in your bonnet some 4 years ago, and won't let go.
She's probably not very nice to you because she thinks you don't accept her and don't like her.
I know all this from personal experience, I dislike my fiances family a lot. As they did not accept me when me and my partner first got together. Now they try to be nice, but I can't let go. I try to avoid them, and try not to go round there when I can.
I had to stop my fiance choosing between me and his mum, and he was planning to give everything up for me. But I didn't feel it right, as you should always be close to your parents in my opinion.
And please, if you don't like her, don't start telling him. How on earth would you feel if the person you completely adored, couldn't live without was hated by your family, and you were reminded everyday. It's very harsh you see?
Leave them, and if they break up, just comfort him, and don't hold a grudge.
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I understand your desire - and that of your family - to protect your brother from someone you perceive as being a bad influence in his life.
That said, you nust learn to moderate your naturally protective instincts with the simple fact that he isd a grown man and can - and has - make his own decisions regarding his partner in life.
You can do nothing except be suportive - advertising your hostility will simply damage your relationship with him.
Try and appreciate that he has the right to live his own life, and make his own mistakes, and that trying to protect him in this way will simply make all of you unhappy.
That said, you nust learn to moderate your naturally protective instincts with the simple fact that he isd a grown man and can - and has - make his own decisions regarding his partner in life.
You can do nothing except be suportive - advertising your hostility will simply damage your relationship with him.
Try and appreciate that he has the right to live his own life, and make his own mistakes, and that trying to protect him in this way will simply make all of you unhappy.
Maybe it is love Princess - but not as YOU know it. Or want it to be. Or as you think it should be. Everyone changes in some way when they fall in love.
You have to suck it up & be civil to the girlfriend, as much as you hate it. For your brothers sake.
One of my sisters married a neanderthal. We all hate him but we smile thru gritted teeth & we're pleasant to him & never say anything nasty about him to her. We just hope she will one day see the light & learn to hate him as much as we all do.
You have to suck it up & be civil to the girlfriend, as much as you hate it. For your brothers sake.
One of my sisters married a neanderthal. We all hate him but we smile thru gritted teeth & we're pleasant to him & never say anything nasty about him to her. We just hope she will one day see the light & learn to hate him as much as we all do.
she probabilly doesnt talk to you because she knows you dont like her,
bit like my partners family, they dont like me, so i dont bother with them, simple as,
maybe she dumped him for not having a job because he had promise dto get one, its hard these days to do anything without any money, maybe money is a strain on their relationship, maybe she was doing it just to encourage him to get a job,
maybe try to like her a bit, maybe try to get along rather then being against her so much, its easy for me to say as i dont know her,
but i feel i relate slightly as my partners mum and dad never gave me the time of day 9 years ago,
i dont bother with them now!
bit like my partners family, they dont like me, so i dont bother with them, simple as,
maybe she dumped him for not having a job because he had promise dto get one, its hard these days to do anything without any money, maybe money is a strain on their relationship, maybe she was doing it just to encourage him to get a job,
maybe try to like her a bit, maybe try to get along rather then being against her so much, its easy for me to say as i dont know her,
but i feel i relate slightly as my partners mum and dad never gave me the time of day 9 years ago,
i dont bother with them now!
You're not meant to do anything, it's not your business.
Perhaps, the vibes and attitude that you have displayed in this post have made your brother's girlfriend feel uncomfortable and awkward enough that she is either a) too frightened to engage with you all, or b) frankly, she just doesn't want to mix with people so rude as you.
I have been on the receiving end of a weirdo sister with "protective" tendancies that border on incestuous, I know how it feels to feel completely alienated by your partner's family because one twisted so-and-so is doing their utmost to make you feel unwelcome, despite their pleas of "We tried everything to make her welcome". Perhaps you are just two different people, whose paths would never have crossed had she not start dating your brother. Either way, if they are happy together, and more importantly if he is happy with the situation then I think you should leave them to it. All you will do is push your brother away.
Bitter? Me? Nah.... hehehe
Perhaps, the vibes and attitude that you have displayed in this post have made your brother's girlfriend feel uncomfortable and awkward enough that she is either a) too frightened to engage with you all, or b) frankly, she just doesn't want to mix with people so rude as you.
I have been on the receiving end of a weirdo sister with "protective" tendancies that border on incestuous, I know how it feels to feel completely alienated by your partner's family because one twisted so-and-so is doing their utmost to make you feel unwelcome, despite their pleas of "We tried everything to make her welcome". Perhaps you are just two different people, whose paths would never have crossed had she not start dating your brother. Either way, if they are happy together, and more importantly if he is happy with the situation then I think you should leave them to it. All you will do is push your brother away.
Bitter? Me? Nah.... hehehe
Thanks for all your replies, I know I'm not going to do anything to try and split them up but it's hard work feeling so awkward in your own house!
At the start I didn't dislike her, it's only been the last few months I've seen how she's treating my brother. When she comes round I do talk to her, but it's off putting when she's giving one word answers and it's clear she'd rather be anywhere but there! Lately she hasn't even been coming in the house, she just pulls up in her car and beeps til my brother comes out the house - how rude is that?!
Anyway thanks for all your replies, they're very helpful. I just need to suck it up, as you say. I know that people say I will never think anyone is good enough for my brother, but, there are so many other girls who are lovely and would treat him right, and he has to go and pick this one!
At the start I didn't dislike her, it's only been the last few months I've seen how she's treating my brother. When she comes round I do talk to her, but it's off putting when she's giving one word answers and it's clear she'd rather be anywhere but there! Lately she hasn't even been coming in the house, she just pulls up in her car and beeps til my brother comes out the house - how rude is that?!
Anyway thanks for all your replies, they're very helpful. I just need to suck it up, as you say. I know that people say I will never think anyone is good enough for my brother, but, there are so many other girls who are lovely and would treat him right, and he has to go and pick this one!
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