i wish i had

[fruitsalad]

hugged my dad, he passed away recently and i cant stop thinking i wish i had given him a hug, i have never felt easy about physical contact and he was the same, but i cant seem to get it out of my mind, and now its to late.

[sara3]

I'm sure your dad would know how you felt. don't beat yourself up over this x

[CrazyCathy]

It's very difficult to suddenly become at ease with physical contact if you're not used to it.

Like Sara said I'm sure you dad knew how you felt. I'm the same with my family with the exception of my hubby and children so know eaxctly what you mean.

[fruitsalad]

thank you for the kind words sara and cathy people tell me to think of all the good times i had with my dad and i did have lots but they keep being overshadowed by the regrets, why did'nt i do this or that.

[sara3]

I lost my dad when I was 5.. you really have to try to remember the good times.

we all have regrets, but don't spoil the future by worrying about the past x

[CrazyCathy]

Whenever someone dies I think it is natural for us all to feel guilty about what if we had done this or that and we shoudl of done this or if ony.

If you had of cuddled and hugged him I think you would be thinking of sometging else you hadn't. It's what we do, we as people, feel guilty that we are still here.

Remember the good times - it's what I do and sometimes I think of all the angry times when he'd be shouting at me and I smile to myself and think that's what my dad was like.

[lil123]

You need to allow yourself time to grieve and thinking about this is part of that.
Maybe you need some bereavement conselling?
I think this will really help you.
My thoughts are with you xxx

[fruitsalad]

thank you lil i did think about this but thought i may leave it a little longer to see how i feel in a few weeks.

[Velvetee]

I'm sorry to hear of your loss and feel the same, as I never got to hug my mum, who died yesterday. Don't feel guilty, i'm sure your dad knew you loved him.

[fruitsalad]

Velvetee so sorry also for your loss, i lost my dad a week ago today and its still very raw so i know how it feels, my thoughts are with you.

[Octavius]

There will always be something that you wished you had done differently, or more of. This is a natural reaction to a loss and is part of your natural grief healing process.

I lost my dad just over 8 years ago now and it still feels raw when I talk about it. There are many things I wish we had done and done differently, and I wished he could have seen me get married and have a family. Sometimes things are just not meant to be and we learn over time to accept that.

Sorry to hear of both your losses. I would say that in time you learn to cope with it and come to terms with it, but really you never actually 'get over it' - well not in my experience anyway, but I don't mean that in a negative way, just that the memories and recollections often remain forever 'raw'.

[rocascool]

So sorry to hear of the sad losses and in particular of yours fruitsalad. I too have lost both my parents, my dad 27 years ago and my mum last year.

I have recently watched a series of programmes on tv by a chap named John Edward who is a medium. Until watching him, I thought all that stuf was mumbo jumbo but he is amazing, he gets things correct every time and family members come through several times each programme. It has given me a lot of comfort, the fact that people who have died are watching over us and that there were people who had passed before, waiting for them.

What ever happens, I hope you get peace from your feelings and I'm sure your dad knows how you feel about him xx

[sg]

Dear fruitsalad,
I lost my father two weeks ago. Like you and your father, we never felt easy about physical contact, however, in the last couple of months we managed to get past those inhibitions. On his death bed he summoned up the strength to hug us all and whisper goodbye. I cherish that and consider myself extremely fortunate to have had that moment.
Despite that, I still have an "I wish I had", which was that we would talk, that we could express love verbally. This never happened and I will never get over that feeling, it should have been so easy, and now it is too late.
I think my point to you is that everybody is going to have regrets that will haunt them alll their lives, and whilst it will prey on your mind and hurt, I try to believe that what matters is not what you did or didn't do, but the times you had together. Love between a father and child is unconditional.

[claraman]

So long as you keep remembering the good times your dad will still live with you. Although you cant hug him now I've no doubt that he knows how you feel and he wouldn't want you to be hard on yourself because of it. I'm sure that if he were here today he'd be thinking of things that he'd wished he did with you when you were younger and i'm sure you'd be saying exactly to him what he would say to you now, were he here, "Not to worry about it".

Just remember him and he'll always be with you.