Keep Cardboard Happy Campaign

[natalie_1982]

What's everyone's favourit joke?

[natalie_1982]

georgit, I don't get the butchers one either. It must be our innocence or something.

[ICEMANSAV]

Least you have the most popular question award nailed!!

[rod]

A man walking down the road meets another with a large lobster under his arm.

"Are you taking that home for tea?" he asks.

"No we`ve had our tea, now we`re going to the pictures".

[natalie_1982]

Wahey! I keep getting funny looks from everyone in my office though cos they want to know what I'm giggling hysterically about and it's your fault Icemansav!

[smudge]

Oh - ICEMAN, I keep popping back & forth to read these jokes inbetween hoovering & cleaning the bathroom! I've had tears rolling down my eyes after reading about the little boy & the Dalmation dog. It's hilarious.

 

AB Ed - please don't ban/delete any of these jokes, just look how many postings there are - this is what we all need - a damn good laugh!

[natalie_1982]

What do you call a one eyed dinosaur? D'yathinkhesawus?

[georgit79]

..and I don't think it's the most popular thread yet- there's one on Reasonable Force in the News section that has received loads of hits...but if we keep posting random crap, we'll beat it!

[natalie_1982]

You go in the news section? WE NEED MORE JOKES!! MAKE THEM UP!!!!

[Octavius]

One of the few I can remember....

A new employee is hired at the Tickle Me Elmo factory. The personnel manager explains her duties, and tells her to report to work promptly at 8:00 AM.

The next day at 8:45 Am, there's a knock at the personnel manager's door. The assembly line foreman comes in and starts ranting about this new employee. He says she's incredibly slow, and the whole line is backing up.

The foreman takes the personnel manager down to the factory floor to show him the problem. Sure enough, Elmos are backed up all over the place. At the end of the line is the new employee.

She has a roll of the material used for the Elmos and a big bag of marbles. They both watch as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles, and starts sewing the little package between Elmo's legs.

The personnel manager starts laughing hysterically. After several minutes, he pulls himself together, walks over to the woman, and says, "I'm sorry, I guess you misunderstood me yesterday. Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles."

[natalie_1982]

I got a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend of mine the other day. We lost track of time, chatting about the wild nights we used to enjoy together. I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd like to meet up and maybe rekindle a little of that magic. "Wow!", I said, "I don't know if I could keep pace with you now! I'm a bit older and a bit balder than when you last saw me!" She giggled and said she was sure I'd meet the challenge! "Yeah", I said, "just so long as you don't mind a man with a waistband that's a few inches wider these days!" She laughed and told me to stop being so silly! She teased me, saying that she thought tubby bald men were cute! "Anyway", "I've put on a couple of pounds myself!" she giggled... ...so I told her to f**k off.

[georgit79]

brilliant, natalie. yes I go in the news section, post comments and get shot down because I rarely know what I'm talking about...

We're winning now, by the way!

[amarillis]

All the whales were getting tired of being hunted by harpooners, so they had a meeting to decide what to do about it. After much discussion, they decided that when the boats came overhead, they would blow out of their blowholes to capsize the boat and then eat the sailors. 'Any questions?' the head whale asked. 'Yeah just one' came the reply from the back of the group 'I'm fine with the **** ***, but do I have to swallow all the seamen?'

[rod]

Two skiers on the piste, one is dyslexic

"I`ve just zag-zigged down that slope."

"No you have zig-zagged."

"Are you sure?"

An argument takes place

"Okay,  to settle this I`ll ask that bloke over there."

"Excuse me can you settle an argument, Do  zag-zig or do you zig-zag ?"

"Sorry i can`t help you I`m a tobogganist."

"That`s handy, I`ll have twenty benson and hedges then!"

 

[amarillis]

ruined the punchline! it should have said bl0w j0b

[ICEMANSAV]

A 92-year-old man moved into a retirement home where he immediately met a 90 year old woman. They hit it off right away.

After a few weeks of spending time together, the man said, �You know, we�re past our sexual years, so I wonder if it would be okay for you to just hold my penis in your hand.�

The woman seemed surprised, but said, �Well, I guess it wouldn�t do any harm to just hold it.� So, for the next few weeks, they could always be found on a park bench near a lake, the lady holding the man�s penis in her hand.

One day the old man didn�t show up. Beginning to worry, the lady set out in search of him. A few blocks away, sitting on another park bench was the old man�with another woman.

The first old lady approached the couple and saw the other woman holding the man�s penis in her hand. She became very upset and yelled to the man, �I thought we had something special. Now, I find you with another woman, and she�s holding your penis in her hand. What does she have that I don�t have???�

The old man looked up, smiled, and said��Parkinson�s.�  
 

[Octavius]

Men are like fine wine � they start out like grapes and its a womans job to stamp on them until they mature into something they�d like to have dinner with
On the other hand, women are also like a fine wine, they start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating for the mind.
Then they turn full bodied, until they go sour and just give you a headache

[ICEMANSAV]

There is this guy who has no ears and also happens to be the boss of a large company. He�s nearing retirement so he starts interviewing replacements, but he wants to find someone different. There are three applicants and he starts each interview with the same question, �What�s the first thing you notice about me?�

The first guy answers, �Well, you have no ears.�

The president continues the interview normally. The second guy answers, �Well, you don�t have any ears.�

So the president continues the interview. The third guy answers, �You wear contacts don�t you.�

The president is surprised by this and asks, �Yes, how did you know that?�

The man replies, �Well you can�t wear glasses you ain�t got no f*****g ears!�

[ICEMANSAV]

 


Three blokes go to a ski lodge. There aren�t enough rooms, so they have to share a bed.
In the middle of the night, the bloke on the right wakes up and says, �I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!�

The bloke on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he�s had the same dream, too.

Then the bloke in the middle wakes up and says, �That�s funny, I dreamt I was skiing!�