moving home-anxiety

[black bunny]

Not sure if this is correct section but let's try...
My 85 year old dad has just (2 days ago)moved from another town to be near me - my idea as he seemed lonely and isolated after death of my mum a year ago,the travelling of 20 miles each time to see him was difficult and tiring and it seemed to make sense. He's a quiet and passive type of man who never complains and sometimes it's difficult to know what he feels or thinks, but he has been positive about it and understood it made sense(I'm his only daughter). Now he's actually moved and settled into his new flat he SEEMS happy and looking forward to his new life here - whenever I try to talk to him to find out how he feels, he always agrees it's been the sensible move to make and he always tells me he appreciates everything I've done for him since mum died.
So - why do I feel so guilty about uprooting him and plunging him into a new life? Could it be due to the stress of moving?(my stress not his - I've done everything regarding selling his house and buying new one)
I've suffered from anxiety and depression for years and they're normally under control with my medication, but this moving has increased both - I'm scared it won't subside in a few days.
Please give me your thoughts anyone?

[20SilkCut]

Hi Black bunny...i think you've pretty much answered yr own question here. The stress of selling your dad's house and buying another one has upped your anxiety...it is a very stressful thing to do. Also you may still be grieving over the loss of your mum a year ago...and possibly deep down thinking about your dad and feeling responsible for him now.

take a little time out to relax and be with your dad who is now nearer you. If you dont feel better in a little while, go back and see your doctor and have a word with him. Alternately you may wish to see out some counselling and talk to someone in depth about all of your feelings.

good luck x

[Mamyalynne]

If it is your nature to be anxious then you will always be on the lookout for something to fret about. It is very early in Dads new home so let him settle, and find some local clubs or groups to join if he is interested. Dont keep asking how he is or you will make him anxious too
Now you dont have the worry and time of the travelling you can now enjoy his company much more easily.
Enjoy the time you have with him and try to relax.

Mamya ♥

[Mamyalynne]

PS hes a very lucky Dad and am sure he knows it too.

[black bunny]

thanks so much for your replies - it's reassurred me a bit. I think I know in my heart it's the stress and worry of the move that's brought this on.
I will try to relax and take things slowly.
You're all really kind to take the time to reply.

[Velvetee]

I think you're doing the right thing and only wished I'd been able to do the same for my old mum, who died on Mother's day. I know in the last year of her life she felt isolated and lonely and feel such regret that I wasn't able to be nearer to her.

[jonah hart]

It sounds like you've been that busy you've not had much time to think and now things are settling down and the stress of wat you've had to do is now hitting you which is naturel with people who suffer anxeity... Take sum time out 4 u now wat you've dun is a good thing but ur minds playing tricks with u bcause ur exhausted from all that's happend don't b so hard on yourself.. If u have sum relaxation time then it will subside in a few days... An always remember as hard as it is u do get through it ... A few months ago my anxeity came back after many years of controlling it and I thought oh no it's back but I was going through a stressfull time an after a few weeks I was back to normal it will go :)

[Whoever]

I suspect that all the stress of getting your dad moved has caught up with you and now that he's actually settling in, you have time to think, which you probably didn't have before. Your dad is very lucky that you are caring for him so lovingly but perhaps there has been nobody there to care for you which has added to your sense of anxiety? . And possibily you never really had time to grieve properly for your mother because you were primarily worrying about how your dad would cope on his own?
My suggestion is that you both try and spend some time together doing a few pleasant things, and perhaps try to find some activities or social groups which your dad could join, to help him make a few new friends and contacts. Also, now is the time to take a little time out for yourself. You have done all the stressful things and got the house move behind you. Those of us who have cared for elderly parents will recognise your plight. We take on their anxieties as well as their own and sometimes it can seem a heavy burden if there's nobody to share it with. Try and set aside a quiet time for yourself every day. Take a short walk. Go and listen to the birds and watch the seasons unfold. Practice deep breathing to help yourself relax. You deserve a few pats on the back for looking after your dad so well. So give them to yourself.

[black bunny]

you've all been so kind and your replies have been so thoughtful... just to update you, dad is settled in quite nicely and the upheaval and stress seem to be receding now. I just about feel back to normal now. Phew!
Thanks again to everone.

[jonah hart]

Awww I'm so glad bunny ... Remember u got through it .. Hopefully you'll never go through that again but if so remember I got through it so I can again :))))) x