Christain Vs Jews

[laurentwink]

I wonder if anyone can help me out...

I have been with my boyfiend of nearly 2 years now, we are very much in love and at the beginning of us going out, he explained to me that he was a very religious born again Christian.  I am a jewish girl and he didnt want this to ruin the relationship and if I wasnt happy with with this then we shyould end it ebfore it got too serious, but I didnt end it and found out that we loved each other very much.

However, about a year ago, he was tlaking to me aboutt what he and his family belive in and how Jesus is the messiah and how that this is the truth of the world and that jews are stil wating for thier messiah to come and that we dont beleive in the same thing as Christians.  We are going to somwething called "the alpha course" every wednesday, learning about Jesus and god and everything to do with it.  I am starting to belive in God whereas i didnt before and neither does my family.  i cant let myself belive about Jesus, probably mainly because it would kill my mum and dad if i ever did so i wont let myself, they know i am going to it every week but dont really ask about it - i knw that they arent very happy about it but are happy that i want to learn about god.

my boyfriend and i were talking the other day about us getting marrried and about having kids togther, well, where could we get married.  certainly not in a church or a synagogue and what would our kids learn about life? my bloke says that they would learn the truth about jesus but is that how jews should be and what they should belive in? i love him dearly and want to be with him forever but this is troubling me, but i dont want to spend the rest of my life learning abouit jesus and going to churches etc.. i dont know what to do.  someone got any advice for me?

[Pinotage]

Cut your losses and dump him.

 

If he wants to believe in fairy stories and you don't mind, thats OK, but when he wants it to rule not only his own life but yours its time to call it quits.

 

There's plenty of sensible men around

[laurentwink]

Well that doesnt seem like very good advice pinotage - we love each other but sometimes what your telling me to do does strike my head sometimes.  I cant just finsish it cos of this, and it isnt fantasy to him, this is what christains believe.   its not quite that easy just to say lets finsih it because of all this.

[Octavius]

Do you have your OWN mind?

 

It seems to me that you appear happy to tow the line ...obeying mummy and daddy's beliefs.... tagging along with your bf's 'cult' becasue it is what your boyfriend believes in.....??  Iam a strong romam catholic and my gf is as unreligious as you can get, but we have a compromise and I never force my beliefs onto her - nor would I our children.

 

 

[Casey]

You need to talk to him and tell him exactly what you've told us. That you don't want to spend the rest of your life learning about Jesus and going to churches etc. You both love each other so talk to him about it, he should listen to you and understand your feelings and then you could work something out together as a couple and come to some sort of agreement.

[Octavius]

Sorry, got a bit carried away with the typing there, I am sure you understand what I mean and you can ignore all the typos...

 

 

[laurentwink]

Thank you Casey.  Good advice. 

Also thanks to pino - i see what you mean but maybe not the best way to go about something like this - i can tell you it sure aint a cult.  its a religion. Thanks.

[laurentwink]

Octo - that was meant for you not to pino!

[mullein]

religion is the root of all evils and war ..i cant see a future here for you,,what on earth are you going to do when you have children and he expects them raised as christians how are you going to cope with your parents as they will be very hurt and may cause a rift in your family,,this man is taking control over you and if he loved you he would be happy for you to have your own beliefs ,without pressure of bible classes etc...what would he say if you stood your ground and said you didnt want to go to the classes anymore? it may be painfull to walk away from this relationship but would certainly tell you too.what if one day he suddenly didnt want you or your children to see your parents? some people unfortunately get obbsessed with religion its like a drowning man clinging to a raft..they are so weak they have to have something and the more obsessed they get the worse they become,,,am i right in thinking if the mother is jewish and the father another faith the children are supposed to be raised as jewish? correct me if i am wrong on that...i would put him in his place as soon as possible if he loves you like you say then he will drop all this jesus nonsense and live a normal peacefull life without making waves of unreasonable demands..the final decision will be yours but one thing for sure dont marry him until you have got this sorted and dont be bullyied...it would be a good idea for you to be honest with your parents see what reaction you get from their,,,all the best..mullein

[natalie_1982]

Doesn't seem very helpful advice at all pinotage.  I think that if you both want to get married, have children, etc you both need to accept that:

a) You have different beliefs, you live your lives together believing in different things.  That's not a bad path in life, but I should imagine it would get very difficult at times.

 

b) One of you sacrifices your religion for the other i.e. converts, so that you can be married and raise a family in one set religion.

 

On the other hand, I wasn't brought up following any religion and was left to make up my own mind about what I choose to believe.  Saying that though, I have never felt any pressure from my family into following any religion.

 

Sadly, I feel that you will be the one losing out laurentwink as you seem to be the one making the efforts and sacrafices so far.  I think if you intend to practic Judaism for the rest of your life you need to make that very clear to your partner.  And don't feel bad that he mentioned it 2 years ago, as 2 years ago you didnt know what you wanted!

 

Do whatever you feel is right in your heart, and don't feel pressured by anbody including your partner and your family!

[Octavius]

laurentwink - a cult is a "a system of religious worship; devotion, homage to person or thing".  So I would correct you there.  Even my religion can be defined as a cult.  Make your belief your own.

 

 

 

 

[Pinotage]

OK, perhaps my advice didn't seem helpful, but it was meant to be. From what you say, you're incompatible. He believes in religion, and is getting in deeper with these cult-like Alpha loonies, and he wants you to change your beliefs.

 

It'll end in tears, thats why I say, dump him now.

From the Independent

Those who embrace Alpha's teachings often receive the Holy Spirit in a fit of wailing, shaking and falling on the floor.

...takes pride in its use of "the method of welcome": free meals and friendship to people who "walk in off the street". But some see this approach as "love bombing" - the manipulation of people's emotions by displays of affection, a technique often used by religious cults.

Donald Reeves, the former rector of St James's, Piccadilly.....said ..... "They are moralistic, sex- obsessed and unkind - more like a cult than a church,"

 

see http://copies.anglicansonline.org/indy/1998/A0609807.html

for full story

[CHOPS'R'US]

Well said Mullein i couldn't have put that any better myself and they are precisely my views too.

If and when i have kids i will let them decide what they want and when they want i would never force my beliefs on them, my beliefs are very loose on religion and i don't follow any particualar religion though i do believe in A god and have my own views, i have discussed things with some of my friends and my b/f before but only as they brought it up i never do as i can chat for hours about it and find everyone's views really interesting and liberating to hear sometimes. I think you need to sit your bloke down and let him know that forcing this on you and your possible children will only cuse war not peace, that is exactly what is going on in the world today,i tell you now it's not political no matter how much they say it is or to do with ruddy oil they are just using it as a cover up big time..................

[tartanwiz]

First, ignore the anti-religious opinions from others here. Hold on to your beliefs. You and your boyfriend share the same God and the same prophets. By all means you must keep whatever faith gets you and your boyfriend through life. If you love each other, then allow each other to hold different beliefs. If you can't accept Jesus, tell your boyfriend so but there is no need to fall out about it. My great grandmother was a Roman Catholic and her husband was a staunch Orangeman (a Protestant and loyalist), yet they remained married all their lives, they had several children and grandchildren and never split up. Love and let live.

[laurentwink]

Tartan Wiz - youve just hit the nail on the head - i wil go on being with him and we are so much in love, something as big as religion and it sounds so small to break up over!  weird eh? I will talk to him tonight, and tell him that i love him and want to be with him but dont think i can take this for the rest of my life - it will either make us or break us I guess. 

Pinotage - I cant believe that article! so shocked but it doesnt seeem at al like how it was explained.  Thank you for your words.  I have taken evertything into account.  Pleased that i asked my fellow AB mates for advice.

[natalie_1982]

Good luck! x

[Bangkok]

My wife is Buddhist, I am Methodist by upbring.  We respect each others beliefs (I am impressed with a lot of Buddhist teachings).  We had a Buddhist wedding and a Christian blessing (both religious leaders were happy for that to happen).  I take part in family Buddhist rituals, for example to remember the dead, as it the meaning that is important.  Our daughter will be made aware of both beliefs when she is old enough to understand that life is not black and white, and she will not have to choose, but if she does, we will both respect that choice.

[laurentwink]

Exactly Bangkok, my boyfriend did say that our kids will learn both religions, i mean we're only 21 so who knows what will happen in years to come but anyway, i will bring the kid up to be jewish and to belive ion both religions - cant diagree with the bible, can I?! and thats what the kid shall have, best of both worlds xxx 

[MuppetBabies]

At the end of the day, you need to ask yourself whether the situation is something you are comfortable with, should nothing change. I don't know your boyfriend obviously, but he seems to have a pretty fixed values system, which of course, is his right (no anti-religion axe to grind here), but it doesn't seem that he would be willing to be flexible, which again, sadly, is his right.

If you are genuinely starting to question your views, and are becoming sympathetic to his views, then that is nothing you should feel bad about, but if you think that your own values system is not going to change (and I couldn't see mine changing - they make me what I am), that makes you and your boyfriend incompatible.

Talk to him about this- get it all out in the open. But yes, you may have to consider that the two of you cannot reconcile what you believe, and that you haven't a future together. When you care about something passionately,I don't think it's necessarily a case of 'if they loved me, they'd change/understand/accomodate' - some things are just too important to compromise on.

It's a tough one - good luck.

[laurentwink]

i see what u mean, but he wantesd me to see what he belives as i dont beilve in anything and wanted me to know how he felt and how content he was in life and didnt want me to thionk is this it? and then i'll die? which i am slowly beginning to understand, for that, i give him alot of thanks.

[Cetti]

I've arrived a bit late laurentwink - but as a Christian myself  I can only agree with every word that TW  has said.

It's not an 'us and them' contest, nor is it anything to do with religion. I have met many Messianic Jews - you don't compromise your Jewishness by becoming a Christian - in fact it's the other way round you two actually complement each other!!!!

This is not or shouldn't be a problem for either of you, after all love is the most important issue here, and it sounds like you've both enough and then some...so sit yourselves down and communicate. It sounds as though your boyfriend could be a new Christian and is a bit overzealous as Christianity is nothing to do with following a religion - but a person. It shouldn't take over your life or his,  but be an integral part of it.

 

I'll tell you something that might surprise you I go to church about once a year and only then if I feel like it, but I'm still a born again Christian! What I'm trying to say (and probably very badly) is that if you feel comfortable with the Alpha Course then go - it's great for those that enjoy it - but living the Christian life on a day to day basis is not spending it on your knees, praying non-stop or going to church. If my husband expected me to do any of these things - I'd thump him. :-D

I do hope some of this makes sense - I do go on a bit, I know!