confidence

[nanunanu]

is it possible to gain confidence in a short space of time? i find it hard to stand up to people, how can you change from being quiet to being loud???

[andy hughes]

You don't really need to go from one to another in one go. The best way to stand up to someone who intimidates you, is to take a deep breath, speak slowly and calmy, and simply say "I don't agree with that because ...." or "I can't do that because ..." and outline your argument clearly. Avoid raising your voice, don't make the issue personal, and stick to the point. People who feel they are under verbal attack resort to bluster and volume, and as a shy person, you need to avoid this. if the situation gets out of control, and you feel uncomftable, simply say "I'd like to continue this conversation when we'vve both calmed down ..." and then walk away. Yes, you are calm already, but if you us 'We' instead of 'You', it stops your response being an attack on the other person. Try this a few times, and your confidence will grow each time. Always remember, simple conversation will never do you any harm - unless you allow it. Good luck.

[KEJ2000]

There are many excellent books on "assertiveness training (coaching)" that would only take a few days to read.  These titles are somewhat misleading; they actually deal with gaining confidence in general and becoming more assertive in every situation.  I recommend "Don't Say Yes When You Want to Say No" by Fensterheim & Baer, and "When I Say No, I Feel Guilty" by Manuel Smith.  These and other titles are in the Self-Help / Psychology section of bookstores.  Working on this issue is so worthwhile, you will be so glad you did!  Good luck to you!!!

[PurplePixie]

I don't think you should have to think about changing your nature. I respect a quiet person who can calmly put their point across, rather than a loud person who shouts their opinions over everyone else's views.

I'm not sure exactly how inner confidence is gained. Sometimes I find myself walked all over, it used to happen more a while back when I had very little self worth & has happened less since I have grown to like the person I am. It's hard to stand up to people & refuse to be treated badly when you don't 100% feel you have a right to stand your ground.

I am a fairly quiet person, but I have learnt by trial & error (many many errors!!) that it's still possible to stand my ground under pressure & handle the situation. Good luck to you...just be true to yourself & the confidence will come.

[luckystrike]

I regularly take a confidence building course on a Saturday night, co-hosted by Arthur Guinness and Jack Daniels!