A question of sex

[reddster]

Right it's like this, when you start dating a person, when should you make it clear that you are not going to have sex with them, ever within the relationship (unless of course you get married). I know this is an old fashioned idea, and no, I'm not some born again christian, or frigid girlie. It is just I have old fashioned ideas. I find it becomes a major issue when I start dating, and I am normally vague when the issue first crops up, and then I finish things before I have to deal with them. Help me please!!

[dirtyharriet]

I think it's best to bring it up sooner rather than later. If you are finding it is becoming a major issue then this could be because, as you say, you are vague about it.

Sadly saving yourself until marriage is not the norm in this day and age, so instead of being vague it's best to let men know as soon as possible what your beliefs are. They can then decide whether they want to stick around or not and it minimizes the chance of any unpleasantness.

[landie]

When you're introduced.

[krissy04]

Im in the same situation right now!!!! I recently met a guy, and he seems awesome...but hes always talking about sex...and i want a REAL relationship that isnt based around sex!... I want to see how it will go, and if he will actually stay with me after i tell him i dont want too!...its kinda like a test..to see if men really are a holes that only want sex!!...no offence thats not fair of me to say that, bc i know that there are alot of nice men out there...ive just met all the mean ones i guess :(

[reddster]

Krissy04, I think you are thinking along my lines too! I know I should tell people sooner rather than later, but I've told men before and they've said that was ok, but give them a few months, and the hormones get the better of them! Men also assume that I'll want to get married - to them?! I'd like to window shop before I buy!!

Thanxs for advice , and Landie, if I get a tee shirt printed up 'no sex please, iIm fussy' would this work!!

[reddster]

...or would they think I couldn't spell..oops

[Greedyfly]

I would get to know them if you think they may be worth something then tell them as soon as you think there is something there - I think your values are fine and should be respected everyone has a right to choose and you have.   Good on you...

[Englishbird]

I think it depends a little on your age, if you're younger, say under 20 then i think it's perfectly acceptable not to have to make a statement about it the first time you meet them. If you're in your mid 20's onwards, i think you've got to mention it sooner rather than later.

Can't blame men for this one either - if i started dating a man and he didn't want sex before marriage, i'd really want to know up front. I'm not saying that would change my mind about seeing him, but it is a part of my life and a concideration.

Totally agree that it is entirely your choice though, and good on you for being strong enough not to be pressured into something you don't want to do.