Food & Drink0 min ago
Going about things all wrong......
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two guys in a bar and the one said, 10'oclock, well that's me done, better get home now or the Missus will go spare at me again if I get in late again tonight!
so the other guy said
oh no, you can't go home yet, it's too early, besides there's a great new night club just opened in town tonight, free membership, half price drinks, great sounds, come on, whaddya say, come with me huh?"
I'd love to, but I daren't, the other guy said, no matter how quietly i try to be, she ALWAYS knows what time i get in and I get an earful in the morning - take last night for instance. I turned off the engine to the car at the top of the road and just cruised down, i opened the door silently, didn't switch on any lights, crept upstairs being careful to miss the 3rd and 6th steps as they creak....I got undressed in the bathroom, gently opened the bedroom door, slid silently into bed, i'd just closed my eyes and the bedside lamp goes on her side and she demands to know where i'd been till that hour.
Well, said the other guy, you're going about it all wrong, if i'm late - i mean spectacularly late, like i expect i will be tonight, when i get home, i put the headlights on the car full beam and scream down the road in top gear doing 15 miles an hour so she can hear me coming, honk the horn several times whilst getting ut of the car, play noughts and crosses on the front door trying to get my key in, then i put on every light on i can, sing at the top of my voice, stomp up the stairs, make a loud noise in the bathroom, fling open the bedroom door and shout
Dar-ling (hic) I'm h-home! Are you awake my precious? Huh? Awake for your honey-(hic) bunny hmm, come on snookums, lets make love huh - go on...lets play hide the sausage hmm? Start doing the 'stripper' singing, you know, dada da, did da dada, fling your clothes everywhere - and i can bet you your bottom dollar that if your Missus is anything like mine, she'll be fast asleep!!
so the other guy said
oh no, you can't go home yet, it's too early, besides there's a great new night club just opened in town tonight, free membership, half price drinks, great sounds, come on, whaddya say, come with me huh?"
I'd love to, but I daren't, the other guy said, no matter how quietly i try to be, she ALWAYS knows what time i get in and I get an earful in the morning - take last night for instance. I turned off the engine to the car at the top of the road and just cruised down, i opened the door silently, didn't switch on any lights, crept upstairs being careful to miss the 3rd and 6th steps as they creak....I got undressed in the bathroom, gently opened the bedroom door, slid silently into bed, i'd just closed my eyes and the bedside lamp goes on her side and she demands to know where i'd been till that hour.
Well, said the other guy, you're going about it all wrong, if i'm late - i mean spectacularly late, like i expect i will be tonight, when i get home, i put the headlights on the car full beam and scream down the road in top gear doing 15 miles an hour so she can hear me coming, honk the horn several times whilst getting ut of the car, play noughts and crosses on the front door trying to get my key in, then i put on every light on i can, sing at the top of my voice, stomp up the stairs, make a loud noise in the bathroom, fling open the bedroom door and shout
Dar-ling (hic) I'm h-home! Are you awake my precious? Huh? Awake for your honey-(hic) bunny hmm, come on snookums, lets make love huh - go on...lets play hide the sausage hmm? Start doing the 'stripper' singing, you know, dada da, did da dada, fling your clothes everywhere - and i can bet you your bottom dollar that if your Missus is anything like mine, she'll be fast asleep!!
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